On Second Thought(31)

"Our bodies sometimes acknowledge what our brains can't," Lileth said. I wondered what fortune cookie she got that from.

"Doing better?" I asked Kate. She nodded but kept puffing into the bag.

"So let's get it out of the way, hon," LuAnn said. "How did your husband die?"

Kate was in no shape to form words. "Want me to tell them?" I asked.

She nodded.

I kept rubbing her back. "He, uh...tripped and hit his head. Freak accident, really."

"He was getting me wine," Kate said into the bag, which expanded and  contracted with each breath. "I needed more wine. Because Ainsley's  boyfriend was making a speech, and he wanted us to toast her, and I hate  parties, so I drank my first glass really fast, and I needed more, so  Nathan got me more, and now he's dead and it's my fault." The bag  inflated and deflated faster now.

There was a pregnant silence, just the sound of the paper bag. I could've sworn Leo was trying not to laugh.

"It's really Eric's fault, though, isn't it?" I said, still rubbing her  back. Soon, I would burn a friction hole in her shirt. "He's the one who  said to raise your glass. Plus, he's an asshole."

Leo did laugh then. So did LuAnn. Kate may have smiled, but it was hard to tell with the bag over her mouth.

"Speaking of assholes," Bree said, "did anyone read about that guy who ditched his girlfriend once he got over cancer?"

For a second, I didn't remember it was me she was talking about. But no,  I was the lucky girl, wasn't I? "That was my boyfriend," I said. "I'm  Sunshine of The Cancer Chronicles."

Bree's mouth dropped open.

"That dickwad is your boyfriend?" LuAnn asked. "Holy crap. Want us to kill him for you?"

Turned out most of them had all read or heard about Cutting Free from  the Corpse of My Old Life, not including Lileth, who was probably above  social media and read self-help books instead.

I was famous.

Since they were abuzz with questions, I relayed the story of my lobster dinner, the ring, the denied credit card. The eviction.

Janette threw up her hands. "He kicked you out? I can't believe it."

"Thank you."

"And here's the other thing," LuAnn said, leaning forward. She looked a  bit like Steven Van Zandt when he was in The Sopranos. "So many assholes  out there agree with him! What's that even about, am I right?"

"He's going on Good Morning America this week," I said.

"Are you kidding?" Kate asked, sitting up. The color had returned to her face a little.

"I forgot to tell you," I said. "And listen to this. My boss wants me to  get him to sign an exclusive contract with our magazine. Put him on the  payroll and everything."

I sat back and enjoyed the group's moral outrage. Kate even patted my knee.

"Sounds like you dodged a bullet," Leo said.

"You know whachoo need?" LuAnn said. "A rebound fling. Pronto. I have brothers, I can help."

"I'm good," I said. "But thank you. I...well, I actually think we'll get  back together. This is just a...meltdown or something. A lapse."

"No, it's not," Leo said. "Sorry, kid. There's a pound in Tarrytown. Time to get a cat."

I shook my head. "No, really. I know he sounds like an idiot, but he's  been an amazing boyfriend for a long time. Eleven years. He just freaked  out when Nathan died. Before that, he was almost perfect. Right, Kate?"

"There's a group for divorced people down the hall," Lileth said,  smiling her fake smile. "I'm sure they'd be more than supportive with  your, ah, unfolding drama. But we have our own issues-"

"I'm sick of our issues," Janette said.

"Me, too," said George. "Kate, was he really perfect?"

Kate blinked. "Um...well, no one's perfect."         

     



 

"So what you're saying is, he was a self-centered bastard," Leo said.

Kate winced. "No, not...well, not a bastard. He was-is-self-centered, though. I mean, don't you think so, Ainsley?"

I shifted in the hard chair. "Yeah, well, he's also smart and funny and nice."

"He called you a corpse," Leo said.

"Metaphorically." My face was hot. Defending Eric wasn't easy, but we  had eleven good years. Great years. "It was the cancer, then Nathan  dying. He just panicked. He'll come around."

"Before or after his Alaskan adventure?" George asked.

"The Discovery Channel makes it look so great, doesn't it?" Bree said. "I wonder if I should pack up the kids and go up there."

"There are a lot of single men," I said. "You know. For when you're ready."

"Keep us in the loop," Janette said.

"Will do."

It seemed as if my public humiliation had greatly cheered the mourners,  and for that, I was genuinely glad. Our hour was up; Lileth pointed out  the cookies and coffee and her availability for one-on-one discussion  and reminded Kate to read the tome of rules before next week, then  smiled that mournful, practiced rictus.

I snagged a couple of cookies and walked with my sister down the hall.

"How do you feel?" I asked as we went outside. The earlier mist had  stopped, and the air smelled like wet soil and copper. Kate stepped  around an earthworm-funny, I'd forgotten that she was afraid of them.

"I'm okay," she said. "A little embarrassed."

"You're entitled, Kate. And everyone in the group has been through it, and here they are," I said. "Doing okay. Still alive."

"True."

"I really liked Leo. And LuAnn. My God, that eye shadow is fantastic!  And I think I might fix Gram-Gram up with George when he's ready."

Kate smiled a little. "Yeah, everyone was very...kind."

"Think you'll go again?" Since this had been my suggestion, I really  wanted it to work in my endless need to win Kate's (or anyone's)  approval. For a second, I pictured her calling Sean to complain about  me. Ainsley forced me to go to this horrible group, then all she talked  about was Eric.

"Maybe. Yeah. It was a good idea, Ainsley. Thanks for coming with me."

"Of course! Anytime."

The church basement door opened, and there was Jonathan Kent, still  dressed in his suit, a trench coat draped over his arm. He lurched  unsubtly to a stop at the sight of me.

AA? NA? It gave his personality a little color, if also a crippling addiction.

"Hi," I said, since he obviously wasn't going to.

"Ainsley." His strange blue eyes shifted to Kate. "Hello," he said.

"Hi, Jonathan. How are you?"

"I'm fine, thank you. It's good to see you."

"Thanks. You, too." She sounded sincere.

For a second, I pictured them as a couple, then rudely shoved that image away. No. Jonathan Kent was not her type.

Even if he was.

Which he wasn't.

"Can I have a moment of your time, Ainsley?" he said.

"Of course, Mr. Kent." I batted my eyelashes at him, strangely and suddenly irritable. "I'll just be a second, Kate."

"Take your time," she said, getting into the car and checking her phone.

Jonathan came around to my side of the car and looked at the pavement, a  lock of hair flopping over his forehead as if he were a Regency duke.

His hair had flopped the night Nathan died, too.

"You need a haircut," I snapped.

He looked up, startled.

"Sorry," I said. "What is it, Jonathan?"

He lowered his gaze to my chin. Probably I had a pimple there. My  fingers twitched, wanting to find out. "I would appreciate it if you  didn't mention my presence here tonight."

"At Alcoholics Anonymous?" I suggested.

He didn't blink.

"NA, then?"

Still nothing.

"I won't say anything. I assume it's the divorce group."

His face didn't change. Then again, it never did. "Have you spoken to  Eric yet?" he asked. "I would very much like a commitment from him."

I would very much like? People didn't talk like that in real life. "No, I haven't. He's on my shit list at the moment."

"I thought so. I sent him a message this afternoon after your early  departure. We're meeting him in the city next Friday for drinks. Eric,  you and I."

"What? No, we're not!"

He looked to the left, his jaw tightening. "Ainsley, you petitioned very  hard to get The Cancer Chronicles linked to Hudson Lifestyle.  Now-finally-people are reading that ridiculous blog. Traffic on the  entire site today was up 9,000 percent. If you'd like to keep your  job-indeed, if you'd like to do your job, which would be refreshing-I  strongly suggest you make yourself available. I'll see you tomorrow."         

     



 

I was busy sputtering and therefore unable to answer. It was probably  best... I didn't want to cuss my boss out-but how dare he? I didn't want  to see Eric!

Except I did. I wanted to see the old Eric, the one who loved me and didn't think I was a corpse.

Jonathan had already walked away. I got in my car and slammed the door.

"You okay?" Kate asked.

"Peachy," I said, started the car and headed for Kate's. A bath in that  soaking tub was definitely on the agenda. And a nice violent television  show. Game of Thrones.