But the more I thought about it, I guess I could have some blame placed on me. I told Josh that this wouldn’t work, and he told me he would do whatever it took to make it work. And I guess he did that, which of course pissed off his partners. I took a deep breath and was about to apologize to the asshole, but he had to open his big British mouth.
“Why don’t you just get your shit and run back home to daddy? This world is too big for you,” Jacks said as he leaned back in his chair, reached for my wine and put it to his mouth.
I, at the same time, leaned closer to him, waited until the glass was close to his mouth, and I tipped it, wasting the rest of the liquid all over his shirt. Childish I know, but I couldn’t throw it in his face like I wanted. The waiter came over at that time too and placed the cake and ice cream on the table, and I tilted that on his lap.
“You bitch…” he exclaimed loudly and stood.
I stood too, and we faced off.
“Let me get something clear really quickly. First and foremost, you are the biggest fucking asshole on this planet, and believe me, I have been around plenty. You know nothing about me or what I’ve been through, but you sit here and judge me off of some messed up experience you probably had while you were still sucking on your mother’s tits. Grow the hell up.”
I got that off of some movie, and well, I thought it fit in this scenario...um well, maybe not. Anyway, I poked at his wet chest and leaned in closer, not caring at all we were causing the very scene Josh was probably trying to avoid by bringing me here.
“You don’t have a clue what I feel for Josh, and I don’t have to tell you either. But I will not have you belittle what we have by throwing a temper tantrum because Josh won’t play with you. I’m not stopping him from doing anything. No one can, and if you knew him like you claim you do, you should know that too.”
I stepped back, kind of satisfied that I held my own, but I was still pissed, and my anger needed to now be directed at someone else.
I said, finally grabbing my things from around me, “I am fully aware of the importance of what he does, and I know how important it is to him. It’s a part of the man I fell for, and I have no desire to come between what he loves to do.”
I turned on my heels as quickly as I could and went in search of a restroom. I wasn’t as strong as I portrayed, as you well know, and I needed a place to escape to cry my eyes out, but I refused to let anyone, namely Jacks, see that he completely got to me. When I finally found my refuge, l locked myself in a stall, and I let the tears roll.
Chapter 16
Kenya
I couldn’t hide in here forever I knew. So I got myself together, left the stall, and then approached the sink. An attendant was standing there, and I almost jumped out of my skin. I hadn’t seen her through my haze of tears, so I didn’t even know she was there. I thought maybe she just walked in, but the sympathetic look on her face told me she didn’t miss anything.
She handed me a tissue then smiled as she watched me fix my face and reapply some gloss to my lips. My eyes were very red and puffy. There was no way to hide that. So I took a few deep breaths and was determined to go back to my table, but I instantly felt lightheaded at the thought of seeing Jacks again and made my way out of the restaurant.
I heard my name being called, but I didn’t stop.
Once I got outside I looked at the valet and asked, “Can you please call me a cab?”
The man looked me in my eyes and nodded before he said, “Yes, of course.”
“Sweets, where are you going?”
Josh finally made it to me, but I didn’t acknowledge him.
Instead I looked over at the attendant and said, “You know what? Never mind, I’ll just walk.”
I turned on my heels and walked away, heading toward town. I wasn’t sure how I was getting home, but I’d figure something out.
I suddenly felt Josh’s hand on my arm. “Hold on a second, Sweets. What…”
I snatched my arm back from his grip and spun to face him. “Don’t touch me!”
Josh, stunned at my crossed tone, put his hands up in the air, but his eyes studied me intently.
I asked quickly, “Did you and Diane have something?”
He frowned. “What?”
“You heard what I said. Were you and Diane an item, or were you just fuck buddies?”
“Is that what Jacks told you?”
“Does it matter what he told me? Just answer the question.”
“No,” Josh said.
It was my turn to frown.
“No what, no, you two didn’t have anything, or no, you won’t answer the question?”
He sighed deeply as if I was irritating him… Really?
He said, “No, Diane and I were not an item. No, I didn’t fuck her.”
“Huh really, well, it didn’t look like that to me. Sure as hell didn’t feel like that either. I mean, do you think I’m that stupid?”
Josh moved closer to me, and I backed up from him.
He narrowed his eyes before he said, “I don’t think you’re stupid, for one, and for two, I don’t know what you felt or think you saw, but I know I never touched her. I wouldn’t lie to you about that.”
“Really, what would you lie to me about then?” He let out an exacerbated sigh and closed his eyes. I added, “When were you going to tell me about the job you have?”
Josh ran his hand over his head and opened his eyes.
“Tonight. I was going to tell you tonight.”
“I can’t believe you!” I told him and turned and walked away.
“Damn it, Kenya, will you wait a minute?”
“For what, Josh? There’s nothing to say.” But as I said the words, I realized I had plenty to say. I turned back and pointed at him. “Do you really think I’m that weak that I can’t handle you going away? You don’t trust me at all to handle it… to trust you?”
He shook his head and moved closer to me. “No, that’s not it at all, Sweets.”
Frustrated as hell, I shook my head at him and yelled, “Stop calling me Sweets! You make me feel like I’m fucking eleven or something. I’ll have you know, Josh Cooper, that I’m not as weak as you think…”
“…I know you’re not.”
“And I didn’t appoint you as my caregiver. I can take care of myself. I’ve been doing it for this long without you, and I can do it long after you too. Do you understand? I don’t need you to protect me. I don’t need you to fight my battles, and I don’t need you to treat me like I’m some porcelain doll that you’re afraid one strong gust of wind and I’ll break. I’m built a lot tougher than you think.”
“Kenya…” he started to say, but I put my hands up.
“I’m done with this Josh, I’m done with you!”
I saw a cab pull up, and the valet guy looked in my direction. Right on time.
I quickly walked past Josh, heading for the cab, but I instantly learned the error that I made. One minute I was heading toward the cab fighting back tears, and the next I was gripped by my arm, turned around and attached to Josh by a deathly strong grip of my waist and lips.
I want to tell you I was strong enough to resist him, that I didn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing how he affects me, but… yeah, I wasn’t that strong.
He growled in frustration, or hell, I think that was me actually, but I opened my mouth and invited his tongue with fervor.
This kiss wasn’t a loving one, I knew it was a possessive, shut–the–fuck–up kiss, and I gave in and let him shut me up the only way he knew how… well, the second way that is. He pulled back, and his hand stayed on the back of my neck, keeping my head close to his, and his arm kept me flushed up against him. My hands were pressed against his chest, and my eyes were closed, trying to recover from the most demanding kiss I had ever felt.
I felt Josh lean into me and rest his forehead on mine, breath coming fast and hard.
I said softly, “Let me go!”
“Damn it, Kenya, do you have any idea how hard this is for me? I have never in my life felt this way for anyone… ever, do you hear me? You are the most important person in my life, and I would give my life for you in a heartbeat. You can’t expect me not to protect you. You’re a part of me, and I’ll always protect what’s mine. But baby, I will never lie to you… I may withhold something from you if I think it will hurt you because I can’t help it. I don’t want to hurt you or see you hurt. But if you ask me anything, anything at all baby, I will tell you the truth.”
He leaned back, and I opened my eyes to see a raging set of blue ones full of fury and destruction looking deep into mine.
He said softly, “I think you are the bravest person I know. In no way do I think you’re weak or that you can’t take care of yourself. And I call you Sweets because that’s what you are. It’s not because I think you’re immature or eleven. You’re Sweets to me because of your heart. Your sweetness is pure and honest. The way you love, and the way you treat those that are close to you. Your heart is genuine and beautiful, and that’s what makes you sweet. And the fact that I didn’t tell you about this assignment sooner has everything to do with me and not you.” The rush of his words covered me, blanketed me with a love and compassion so strong that I couldn’t draw breath in my lungs even if it killed me.