My eyes shot open so wide I thought they might roll out of my head. His lips found mine gingerly at first, then with more urgency. The touch of our intertwining tongues closed my eyes and forced me back into my favorite fantasy. The fantasy where Mal never left, where he never lied to me. A fantasy where we were together.
Kissing me after more years than words had passed between us was beyond bold. That was yet another reason I knew it was truly him. No one other than Mal had that much confidence. Mal always knew what he wanted and then he took it. It was as simple as that. He was always the kind of man who entered a room and suddenly had everyone playing by his rules.
It was criminal how good his lips felt. They brought me back to a place in my heart that was full of flowers and summer warmth. No one else could ever kiss me like this; it made me glow inside and out. I remembered why it had been so easy to fall in love with him in the first place. I used to dream about this very moment every night. It was my favorite dream.
But it was a dream I had woken up from a long time ago.
I found the strength to rip myself away from his heavenly lips. Mal's face jerked after me before he could catch himself. Had he wanted this moment as much as I had?
No, of course not. If he did, he'd never have abandoned me.
I hated how good it was to see his stupid, handsome face. The kiss still burned on my lips, making me yearn for more. There were so many things I wanted to tell him, so many questions I needed to ask him. How do you catch up on a lifetime?
Where did I even begin?
“You son of a bitch!” I slapped him. I guess that was as good a place as any to start. I opened my door into him, pushing him backward. “You don't get to do that!” I got out of the car and punched his shoulders. “Not after what you did!”
Mal stoically took the abuse for a few seconds, then easily caught my wrists.
“I deserve that.” He frowned, nodding. “If I let you go will you stop hitting me?”
“No.” I struggled against his strong, vice-grip hands.
His eyebrows turned upwards slightly as he released me. The concern on his face was unmistakable. Whenever he was around he had a way of making me feel like the only person in the world. Before I could stop him Mal ran a thumb gently across my face, wiping away my tears.
When had I started crying again? They were going to have to put a bag over my head for the wedding party pictures, I must've looked like such a mess.
Empathy and sadness washed over him as we looked at each other for a long moment. The pain of past mistakes were plainly etched across his face. For the first time ever I questioned whether it was even his choice to leave me. How had I never asked myself that? Was I really that blinded by anger?
His frown broke into a small, but spreading, warm smile. It threatened to melt me. “Dammit. You're even more beautiful than I remember.”
I looked away and immediately began choking up again. I was already emotional from watching the wedding. Mal being back was all way too much. Was he trying to kill me?
“I am so—”
“No!” I snapped back at him. “Don't you dare apologize!” I was so angry, that it was hard to think straight. How could a person tell another person they love them and then disappear for so long! Saying I'm sorry, doesn't magically fix everything! In the silence that followed, I swallowed a lump of anger that had risen in my throat. “Why are you here?”
“Brendan was my best friend for a long time. How could I not be here for his wedding?”
“Are you kidding me?” Brendan hated Mal at the end. Mal's horrible mother burned every bridge in town. Everyone hated Mal's family. “My brother would kill you if he knew you were here! He's a cop now, did you know that? Half the damn force is here. If they see you...”
“I know.” Mal's gaze deepened. His crushing, brown eyes burned through me with a crazy intensity that made me gasp in breath. “That's a risk I had to take. I needed to be here. I needed to see Brendan,” Mal paused, “And I needed to see you.”
“You gave up that right a long time ago.” I stubbornly stuck to my guns, even though every other part of my wanted to just dive into his arms. I knew some other women could forgive that easily. And honestly, I envied them. But the pain in my heart outweighed the joy.
“Kait...” Mal licked his bottom lip like he was about to say something, but stopped himself.
“I want you to go.” I blurted out the request before I lost my resolve and turned into a puddle on the floor.
“Your car—”
“Juan Carlos.” I corrected him. The useless information burst from my lips. “That's my car's name.”
Why did I say that? All of my family and friends knew my car's name, but Mal didn't. Was I subconsciously trying to prove to myself that Mal was a stranger in my life now.