“Jesus, that was fucking amazing,” Tash exclaimed through heavy breathing. Once she figured out how to use her legs again, she found the ground and stood up. Walking by me, she stopped, squeezing my engorged shaft. “Mmm,” she moaned.
“If you want more, all you have to do is say please,” I teased, grabbing her ass and pulling her into me.
“I need to walk out of here, not be carried.” She unhanded me and pushed herself away. You never knew what to expect with junkies. I could tell that Tash was at stage just prior to serious addiction, when every touch felt incredible. A part of me would always miss that. It was like your skin was made of fireworks and nothing was ever wrong.
That stage is criminally short. Everything else; time, money, connections, all of it is spent on getting it back. That was the cruelest joke of all; the experience you desperately wanted to recreate was gone forever.
“You should leave first. Don't want your old man to catch you crawling out of here.” Besides, I wanted a minute alone to clean up for the ride.
“Sure thing.” Tash finished wiping herself down and pulled her top back up, buttoning it. She slapped her own ass, admired herself in the mirror, then turned back to ask me, “How much did you win?”
“Enough to know that I probably outstayed my welcome.” I used a bunch of paper towels to clean my cock off, then flushed it all with the condom.
Tash winked and blew me a kiss on her way out. “Thanks for the dick, stranger.”
I nodded distantly in reply. I couldn't help but catch sight of those damn track marks in the nook of her left arm. In five seconds I'd never see this girl again. Tash wasn't my problem.
She'd cease to exist the second that door shut behind her.
“Hey.” I grabbed her arm, stopping her from leaving. I ran a thumb over her fresh pink needle dots, letting the bravado that I wore like armor lower for just a moment. “From one junkie to another... Don't go down that rabbit hole. The further you go, the harder it is to climb back out. There's only empty darkness at the bottom, trust me on that.”
Tash's eyes lowered. “Yeah...” She pulled her arm away and covered the marks with her other hand. “Thanks.”
She shouldered the door open, then was gone.
I sighed, zipping and buttoning my pants. I threw my coat on and splashed some water on my face to clear my head. I looked up, catching my wet, tired face in the sliver of a mirror. I was only twenty-eight, but goddamn, did I feel a hell of a lot older at that moment.
“Life goes on,” I said to my reflection. “Until it doesn’t,” it replied back.
It took me another minute to tear myself away from my own demons. Eventually I collected myself enough to push the bathroom door open. The bar had mostly cleared out by then, save the Road Devils who were probably the ones to do the actual clearing. They stopped talking amongst themselves once they saw me.
I was hoping to catch another glimpse of Tash on the way out, just to see if it looked like what I'd said had sunk in or not. She wasn't anywhere that I could see. I guess it doesn't matter though. In the end, she'll just do whatever hurts less, I thought somberly. And why not? Hell, that's how I've lived.
I'd been off that shit for years but really, I'd just traded one addiction for another.
I tapped my forehead in a casual salute to the pissed off bikers, thanking them for a fun night. As a final fuck you, I threw on my vest, this time over the outside of my jacket. After that, all they could do was fume and watch me walk out.
I had a lot on my mind when I hit the pavement outside, but the crisp Massachusetts' air didn't care. It brushed me, catching me off guard with how chilly it had become since I'd arrived a few hours earlier. The early fall evening enveloped me, hugging me like an angry old friend. The scent of recent rainfall, decaying foliage and spilled motor oil filled my nose. The dark sky was clouded over.
I walked toward my bike, catching a flash of hidden lightning in the distance. It touched down somewhere a few miles out, lazily followed by booming thunder. I slowed to light a cigarette, knowing I wouldn't be able to enjoy it for long before the rain came back with a vengeance. I could feel it through the bullet fragment lodged in my shoulder. The healed-over bones always ached when a storm was coming.
In a way, what happened next was my own damn fault. I'd spent so much time worrying about my enemies that I foolishly hadn't been worrying about my friends.
The brick to the back of my head brought me to my knees. I still had a buzz on from all the booze, which was probably the only thing that kept me conscious.
“Give me the fucking money!”
Even dazed, I immediately put it together that it was Tash's voice. She was waiting for me outside, that's why I didn't see her at the table with the other bikers. Smart girl.