Phoenix.
That was my horse’s name. It spoke of strength, of rebirth, of second chances.
That poster had graced the wall of my room for a decade. As I sat, my ass numb, my head beginning to ache, I conjured the emotions the image had evoked in me—that it still invoked in me, though the poster was long gone.
My heart thundered as the phoenix, as beautiful as it was terrifying, swooped toward me, its flaming wings heating my face. I closed my eyes, breathed…breathed…
The bird had become a contradictory symbol in my life.
I had to rise from the ashes of my past. I had to be the phoenix.
But the phoenix represented…hell.
How had all of that escaped me for so long?
Ahead, Phoenix finally slowed to a trot and then stopped. I whistled, and he turned and walked back to me.
I took him over to a small pool of water nearby for a drink. Fresh Rocky Mountain spring water. Nothing like it. I splashed some of the cool liquid on my face.
I sat down, cradling my head in my hands.
What was I going to do? I missed Jade so much that I physically ached when I wasn’t with her. How could I have allowed someone to get under my skin like that? How had I become so obsessed? I could never be with her. This I knew as a solid fact. Yet I wanted her back at the house, at my beck and call. I wanted her in my bed every night, my cock in her pussy every night. I wanted to mark her, make her mine.
But that was never to be.
I took the curry comb out of the saddlebag and brushed Phoenix.
Phoenix.
It had been his name for twenty years. I couldn’t change it now. Besides, it fit him. He was a beautiful animal, black as night and sleek as suede. He stood sixteen-and-a-half hands tall at the withers, not a giant but a darn big horse. He was a Morgan—shiny, fast, and friendly.
I loved this animal as much as I loved that little mutt of mine.
And I loved Jade even more—more than my animals, more than my brothers, more than my sister.
Not only more but in a totally different way—and I didn’t mean the physical part.
Jade had now become as essential to me as the blood in my veins.
I wasn’t sure I could learn to live without her.
I moved to stand, and the small of my back throbbed down to the crease of my ass. I might’ve bruised my tailbone. Nothing to be done. Time to get back on the horse.
Get back on the horse. I chuckled to myself. What a cliché. I’d heard it so many times before. Just get back on the horse, Talon. Don’t give in to your fear.
Truth was, I had no fear. I had enlisted in the Marines, hoping I’d go overseas and get my head blown off. It hadn’t happened. Instead I blew a few heads off myself and saved some of my fellow servicemen. People liked to call me a hero. Just like Ryan did.
I wasn’t a hero.
Heroes could live with themselves.
I was the one who had gone running into the line of fire to drag fallen men back, to make sure they got medical treatment.
That’s what people thought, anyway.
But they were wrong.
I ran into fire, trying to get shot.
I never did.
I’d been back on the ranch for three years now, and I still hadn’t truly found my place. I was good enough at running the orchard, and even when I didn’t feel up to it, I had the best foreman in the business and several under him who could take care of things.
Axel had taken care of things while I was overseas, and the orchards had flourished.
I really wasn’t needed here, but every time I tried to leave, my brothers talked me out of it.
They both felt so much guilt over what happened to me. I wished I could free them from it, but I was powerless. I couldn’t help anyone, least of all myself. It would be better for them if I left. They could go on with their lives.
But now…
I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving Jade.
True, I had kicked her out of my house myself several days earlier, but nothing had felt right when she was gone. She wouldn’t come back. As much as I wanted her to, my actions earlier had taken care of that.
I must’ve scared her. Hell, I’d scared myself. That screaming—and God only knew what else I had done. It was all a blur to me now.
“Come on, fella,” I said, mounting Phoenix and wincing at the ache in my tailbone. “Let’s go find Joe.”
About twenty minutes later, I found my brother and some of his men checking out some steers on the northern quadrant.
“Hey, Tal,” Jonah said when I dismounted. “What brings you up here?”
“I suppose you talked to Ryan.”
Jonah cleared his throat. “I have. Let’s walk a minute.” My brother led me away from his men. “So Jade’s back.”
“Yes, she’s staying in the hotel in town.”
“Did you try to get her to come back to the house?”