He was just going to leave? After everything? Just like that? Was I NOTHING to him?
I ran out the door and down the porch steps. He was on the driveway, loading his suitcase in the trunk of his car. He looked dressed and ready for the road. His hair was wet from the shower, and as I neared him, I smelled a waft of his cologne. Yet another man’s fucking cologne I would pine for.
“What are you doing?” I demanded harshly.
He glanced at me without stopping. “I’m going, El.”
“Oh, you’re going,” I repeated, casually, because this was completely fine, right?
I didn’t think so.
I rounded the car to where he was and grabbed at the suitcase he’d just loaded. I pulled it out and threw it on the driveway. “No,” I seethed, locking eyes with him, “you’re not going. You’re not meant to leave for another two days.”
Aston’s eyes narrowed, and he turned to grab the suitcase off the ground. Just as he picked it up, I grabbed the same handle he was holding, gritting out the same words, “No, you’re not going!”
He stopped pulling back and leaned forward so that his face was inches from mine. “It’s done, Elise. I’m leaving and you’re not going to stop me.”
He ripped the suitcase out of my hands and threw it back in the trunk. I felt panicked. Didn’t he realize what he was doing? We hadn’t fixed us yet. He couldn’t leave without repairing what was wrong between us.
“Then talk to me first,” I pleaded, tears already spilling out of my eyes. “Please, Aston, just stay for another hour. I’m not asking for the day. Just an hour to talk to me.”
“There’s nothing to talk about,” Aston retorted.
“I need you, Aston.”
“That’s the fucking problem, Elise.”
I stood still as his words sank in. That was the problem?
“You made me need you!” I suddenly shouted, trembling now as the panic choked me. “You did this to me! You can’t leave me after everything, Aston! You said you wouldn’t do this! You promised! We made plans together! We made promises together! You can’t break those now!”
He just ignored me. He grabbed a duffel bag by the wheel of the car and opened the front passenger door. He threw it in and turned to another bag.
“Don’t ignore me,” I said. “Aston, you’re not thinking straight –”
“I’ve thought long and hard about this,” he cut in sharply, throwing a glance my way. “I’m going to school and you’re staying here, and that’s how it’s supposed to be.”
“What about us?”
He stilled for a moment, breathing rapidly with his head craned up and his eyes on the sky. Then he took a deep, unsteady breath and carried on, loading the car with his stupid fucking crap. I brought my hands to my head and pulled at the strands of my hair. He couldn’t leave me like this. Fucking hell, I’d been so alone since Dad died, but I knew Aston was a door away from me and that made things bearable. I’d always held hope we’d fix this because he was right there, and now he was going.
I wouldn’t reach him if he left. He would have control and he’d shun me. I was drowning. The water was in my lungs and I couldn’t breathe. I felt hot everywhere and my heart was racing. He didn’t love me, did he? Not as much as I did or else he wouldn’t go so easily.
“Was it Dad?” I asked him, desperately, trying to make sense of this. “Aston, was it Dad?”
No answer.
“Just fucking ANSWER me! What did he say?” I bent over, panting now. I couldn’t breathe through the panic. The walls were closing in on me. “You’re hurting me, Aston. You’re hurting me.”
He stopped moving and turned to me. His eyes glistened. “I can’t be here, El,” he told me, his voice broken. “I just… can’t.”
“You can.”
“I can’t.”
“We belong together.”
“We can’t be together.”
No, no, no!
I gulped a breath of air and raced back to the trunk. I pulled out the suitcase again and threw it on the ground. He moved to it and I stood in his way.
“No,” I growled out. “NO! NO! NO!”
“Elise,” he replied in warning.
But I ignored his tone and pressed my front against his. “Stay. Please, Aston. Stay. I love you. I love you! That’s all that matters. We can make this work. Stay. Please, Aston. I love you.”
I repeated myself. I pleaded for him to stay. I tried to kiss him but his lips wouldn’t move. So I pled and gripped his shirt, desperately trying to break through his wall. He abruptly grabbed me by the shoulders and forcefully moved me to the side. Then he grabbed the suitcase, and I grabbed it too. We tugged on it, until my hands were raw.