“What did you tell him?”
He pressed his lips down hard and then shook his head. “It doesn’t matter.”
I crossed my arms and searched for a response. I supposed this was the perfect moment to thank him, but then again, his rejection came to light, and I felt hot with anger. I had to do it, though. It wouldn’t be right not to.
Still staring at my feet, I said very quietly, “Thanks.”
“What was that?”
I cleared my throat and whispered again, “Thanks.”
“I can’t hear you.”
I rolled my eyes at the smirk I heard in his voice and looked up at him with hard eyes. “I said thanks, Aston, don’t make me say it again.”
He nodded, suppressing a smile. “You’re welcome, Elise. Anything for you.”
Anything for you. Really? Because if it was anything for me, that tongue would be back in my mouth again. But no, I was his sister.
I glowered, bitter from my thoughts, angry at him and his anything for you bullshit. I moved away from him, forcing his hand to fall from my arm. He studied my coldness with a frown.
“Are you sure you’re alright?” he asked, clueless to my thoughts. “He looked like he hurt you, El.”
I stared at him for a moment, my body zinging with rage, and bit out, “You hurt me, Aston.”
Then I closed my locker and stormed off.
*
He kept his distance after that locker incident for a week. It wasn’t hard when he was barely around. Aside from school, the only time we’d see each other was at the dinner table. We’d eat across from one another, and I’d feel his eyes on me while I kept mine pinned to the plate. My parents thought we were just arguing like many times before, so they didn’t bring up the tension.
After the seventh day, he followed me up the stairs and to my room, calling out my name. I ignored him and went to shut the door when his foot blocked it.
“Stop,” he told me, desperately, “Elise, please.”
“Go away,” I seethed.
“I just want to talk about what happened. It’s been almost two weeks. I get you’re upset with me –”
“You don’t know what I am.”
“El –”
“If you don’t leave, I’m going to scream.”
“I just want you to be okay.”
“You don’t know what you want. You kissed me too –”
“Keep it down, Elise –”
“I’ll shout it from the rooftops if I have to!” I hollered.
His green eyes widened, and he looked at me like I’d gone crazy. Maybe I had. I certainly felt wild, like there was a beast within me staging a jail break.
“You want them to know?” he asked quietly, his eyes searching mine. “Because you’re five seconds away from catching their attention with that voice, El.”
“Then go away,” I said harshly.
He stepped back, a contrite look on his face, and whispered, “You’re all I got, Elise. This hurts for me too.”
I closed the door on him just as he finished saying those words. I pressed my forehead against the door, fighting back the urge to cry. I took deep breaths, telling myself to calm down, to clear my head of all this anger. Daddy always said anger was soul crushing, that it was fake and not worth your emotions. He was right, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized I wasn’t blameless in all of this.
I was acting like Aston was the bad guy, but he wasn’t. I didn’t want to cause him pain. He deserved nothing but the best. I stopped with my self-obsessed pity and tried to look at it from his side for the first time since that night.
He wanted his… sister back, didn’t he? Aston came from a fucked up childhood, and here I was fucking it up in a different way. I didn’t want that. I wanted to be part of his life in a way that he would accept. I was being selfish. Rejection had wounded my pride; I thought I was so certain he felt that electricity between us too. I had been foolish, and as a result, I’d muddied our relationship.
You have to mend this before you continue hurting him.
I opened the door again and he was still standing there. He looked at me, and the hope in his eyes only added to my remorse.
He took a deep breath. “Elise,” he said rapidly, breathlessly, “you’re my best friend, alright? I’m sorry for what happened. I shouldn’t have let it get that far. It was my fault. I led you on and I hurt you. I’m so sorry –”
“Stop,” I interrupted calmly. “Let’s never talk about it again, Aston. Please. I care about us too and…I think it’s important we forget about it. It never happened. It was…wrong and stupid. A complete lapse of judgment, right?”