Obsessed(30)

Goddammit, why did I let my wall drop?!

He turned away from me, chest heaving. Shaking, I bent over and picked up my clothes. I slid back into my shorts and threw my shirt on. He watched me from his peripheral, his jaw clenched, and his body trembling. I slipped into my flops and walked past him. I felt him following, felt his presence right there behind me, and I felt suddenly so angry. I wiped the tears from my face and picked up speed. My humiliation was thick; I was sure he could smell it.

He remained close behind me – right there, giving me no escape – and I felt myself snapping from anger. I turned to him and shoved him back with all my might. He was a hard unmoveable wall, and he barely budged as I grunted and tried to push him away from me.

“Leave me alone!” I screamed at him.

He stepped back, letting my hands work to push him away. “El –”

“Don’t come near me! Leave me alone, Aston!”

“We’re going the same way, El.”

“Then keep your fucking distance.”

I’d never lost it at him before. I don’t think I’d ever lost it at anyone like this before. It was the humiliation, the shame, the raw feeling of rejection, of wanting someone so badly only for them not to want me back. It was all those things and more. I’d loved this boy more than a friend since I was nine years old, and he’d just called me his sister.

His fucking SISTER! I wanted to mutilate that word. I wanted it stricken from every fucking dictionary in the world. I wanted it to burnnnnn.

I turned my back to him and ran. I was already exhausted from our swim, but the fire within me fuelled me. My legs ached and I loved the feeling of it. Loved the pain in my chest and the cramps in my side. I cried as I took off uphill, the heat so brutal I almost threw up by the third block.

I knew he was following. I turned my head at one point and saw him running on the opposite side of the street, his head in my direction, watching me intently, protecting me in case something happened.

Always protecting me.

I pushed on, ignoring him. It felt like an eternity before I saw our house come into view. I didn’t bother kicking my flops off as I ran up the steps and pushed open the door. I stormed up to my room. If I woke my parents up, I didn’t give a flying fuck. I felt reckless, in need of destruction to balance out the pain.

When I reached my bedroom, I shut the door behind me and locked it. I was panting, disoriented, on the verge of passing out. I fell into my bed and brought my knees to my chest. I still smelled like the lake, smelled of rejection in the form of Aston. Could still feel his lips against mine. Could still feel the heat of his body wrapped around me. I held in my breath as the tears streamed down my cheeks.

You’re my sister, Elise.

I hated him. I hated him. I hated him.

“I hate you,” I rasped out slowly so I could taste those three acidic words.

Minutes later the knob turned unsuccessfully. I heard his heavy sigh from behind the door and the floorboards beneath his feet stressing. Shortly after that his bedroom door closed. I held my breath, listening to his every move, to him collapsing into his bed.

So close, yet so far away.

How did we get to this point so abruptly, so without expectation? I didn’t know. The world was bright just hours ago. It was promising and brilliant, and filled with hope. Now it was filled with regret and heartache. Story of my fucking life.

As I silently sobbed, emotions bleeding out of me, his knocks brought me back to the present.

Knock. Knock.

Silence. I pressed my forehead against the wall as tears fell.

Knock. Knock. He continued.

I didn’t answer.

Knock. Knock.

I stared at the wall numbly and didn’t knock back.





10.



Aston

I placed my forehead against the wall and sighed. I’d knocked twenty times. Twenty fucking times. That was a record. She’d never left me hanging since I was ten. I’d truly broken her.

This was my fault. She was hurting and it was all my doing. My obsession was to blame.

You just kissed your fucking sister.

I groaned and slid off the bed. This was fucked up. I paced the bedroom, feeling hot and dirty. Hot because I was turned the fuck on. Dirty because I wanted to storm back in there and kiss her again.

Fuuuuck, those lips. I groaned at the reminder of what they felt like. Supple. Wet. Perfect. And the way she wrapped those legs around me? My body shook and I stopped by the doorframe and pounded my head against the wood. I was hurting too. I shouldn’t have let it go that far. I shouldn’t have taken her out in the first place.

Selfish.

Selfish.

Selfish.

I grabbed a random textbook off the desk and threw it on the floor. Not even numbers could help me now.

She was devastated. I saw the anguish in her eyes as I screamed at her. In the end, I realized my fears. I truly was a coward.