His eyebrows drew together and he frowned.
“Morgan hits on a lot of women. It’s his thing. He’s a flirt. I don’t want that. He’ll probably be the type who cheats.” She winced. “That’s a fear of mine.”
“Your mate was loyal? I hear some humans aren’t.”
“Tommy was special. He was pretty intense, and he loved me. He set a high mark that I fear no one else can reach. He also had germ phobias.” She laughed. “It kind of made me feel safe that he wouldn’t sleep with other women. I was the only one he would touch without fear. Do you understand?”
“You are worried no other male can treat you as well and be loyal?”
She nodded.
“I don’t think any other female will wish to be my mate. Species females resist commitment. They share sex with other males, and don’t allow us to stay with them to sleep in their beds. I miss having her next to me.”
“Tell me something about her.”
He resisted for a long minute. “She was primate and tall.” He paused. “She snorted when she laughed. It was cute.”
Dana smiled and stroked his hand, urging him to tell her more.
“She didn’t talk much, but she always said important things when she did.”
“Intelligent.”
He nodded. “We were young when they put us together. She was terrified of me.”
“You’re a big guy.”
Mourn didn’t look at her while he spoke. “I was the first male they’d taken her to, and she was my first female. They said we were a mated pair and told us we’d share the cell forever. We had to learn to live together. She kept far away from me, but I was curious. I kept trying to approach her. She’d make these funny noises so I’d back away. I didn’t want to frighten her.”
Dana could believe that of Mourn. He was a nice guy.
“I gave her the sleeping mat and would sneak onto it after she fell asleep. I liked to hold her. She’d wake in the morning and move away from me at first. It took a while for her to learn that I wouldn’t hurt her. We started to talk. Then she went into heat.”
That tidbit surprised Dana. “Heat?”
“Sexual need. She smelled so good and I wanted her bad. I might not have shared sex before, but I hurt. My dick was constantly hard.”
Startled, Dana stopped rubbing his hand, but then started again, encouraging him. It was a reminder of what he was. New Species did have animal DNA. “I take it you two worked it out?”
“She was suffering and didn’t know what was wrong with her.”
“I didn’t think primates went into heat that way.”
Anger deepened his voice. “Mercile probably put something in her food. She didn’t eat the same things that I did. They wanted us to breed, and we weren’t doing it fast enough. I later learned how dangerous it would have been if they’d drugged me. Males grow very aggressive, and the pain is so intense that they suffer memory loss. 139 and I figured it out. I learned fast that if she enjoyed my touch, she’d allow me to mount her often.” He grew silent.
“Her number was 139?” It made Dana think. “What was your number?”
“140.”
She pondered that. “A number one off from yours.”
“I don’t know why we were given numbers close together. Mercile never explained things to us. They might have planned to make us mates from the beginning and only waited until we were old enough to breed before they put us in the same cell.”
“Do you know how long you were together?”
“No. There’s no sense of time at Mercile. It’s endless. A long time. Then we were taken from there to somewhere worse. They kept giving her injections, and it made her weak and sick. The humans kept promising me they’d make her better if I did everything they ordered me to do. They were using her to control me. I did it. Her life was all that mattered. The NSO freed us but she didn’t get better. They lied to me.”
“The NSO?”
“Mercile.” He snarled the name. “They couldn’t make 139 better. They were overdosing her with experimental ovulation drugs, hoping they would make her get pregnant. Our females can’t breed though.” His voice remained deep, his pain and anger clear. “It caused massive harm to her internal organs. The damage couldn’t be repaired. They wanted a Species infant bad enough to kill her in the attempt. I didn’t know what they were doing to her until we were freed. Doc Trisha said it poisoned her system and parts of her organs had suffered too much damage by the time she arrived at Homeland. The healing drugs kept her going for a long time but they couldn’t repair what was done. She just lingered longer.”“I’m so sorry.”
“Me too.” He took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. His voice softened. “I should have killed 139 when she begged me to. She suffered so much. I was a bad mate.”
“You had hope she’d get better.”
He turned his face and tears glistened in his eyes. “She said, if I cared about her, I would snap her neck and stop her from breathing. I just couldn’t do it.” He tugged out of Dana’s hold and stared down at both his hands where they rested on his thighs. “I was weak.”
“Mourn.” Dana choked up, suffering his pain too. “Don’t do this to yourself. You obviously loved her a lot, and couldn’t hurt her. That isn’t weakness. There’s nothing wrong with not giving up hope on someone you love. That’s all you’re guilty of.”
He leaned in closer. “How do I live with it?”
“You take one day at a time, and you allow yourself to heal. Stop holding on to the grief so tightly. Make friends. Find something to fill your time. Realize that life goes on, even when you think it shouldn’t. You are alive. I’m alive. We’re here. Embrace that.”
He blinked back tears and straightened. “Ask for a job to do and find purpose?”
“That’s a great start.”
He nodded, looking away. “I should take you back.”
Dana reached over and held his hand. He didn’t pull away. “Why don’t we just sit here for a bit? Do you want to be alone?”
“No.”
She didn’t either. She laced her fingers with his. “Next time we need to find a more comfortable place though.” She adjusted her ass on the wood bench. “Or I’ll bring pillows.”
He glanced at her and arched an eyebrow. “A pillow?”
“To use as a cushion for these seats.”
He smiled. “Humans are too used to comfort.”
“That’s not a bad thing.”
* * * * *
Mourn leaned against the tree, watching Dana climb into bed. They’d spent a few hours together, and he’d enjoyed just sitting with her. It had even been nice to speak of 139. The human hadn’t judged him or been horrified by his words. They came from different lives. He’d expected issues to arise.
A soft noise alerted him and he turned his head, watching Darkness step closer. “I didn’t want to startle you,” the male admitted.
“I’m not going to harm Dana.”
“Just watch her?”
“Don’t you have a mate to sleep with? Doesn’t she wonder where you are?”
“She knows where I am, and that I’m keeping my eye on you. Is Paul’s sister fascinating?”
“She doesn’t sleep much either.”
Darkness turned his head, to follow Mourn’s gaze. “She’s reading a book. What is the title?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t want to get that close.”
The male leaned on the other side of the tree and crossed his arms. “You took her away for a bit. Where did you go?”
“To talk.” Mourn stiffened. “You had Security searching for us?”
“No. I watched you return her. She looked unharmed and I don’t smell her fear coming off you.”
“I’m not going to hurt her.”
“She lost her mate too. Does talking help?”
Mourn debated answering. Darkness could make Dana leave Homeland or send him to the Wild Zone. “Yes. She understands.”
“Good.”
He relaxed, the answer was non-threatening. His calm evaporated when Darkness spoke again.
“Do you plan to stalk her every night?”
“I’m not stalking her. I’m watching over her.”
“She’s in no danger.”
“I don’t wish to go home yet.”
“I hated staring at ceilings too.”
Mourn snapped his head in the direction of the male, studying him.
Darkness held his gaze and nodded. “I’ve been there and done that. I will give you a warning though.”
“I won’t harm Dana.” He growled low, offended.
“I believe that. Calm your ass down or she’s going to hear you. Humans don’t have our senses, but get any louder and she won’t be able to miss it. Her television isn’t on to mute outside noises. My warning is that the last time I became fascinated with a human, I ended up mated to her. I have no regrets because it was the best thing to happen to me, but it came as a shock. I’m giving you a heads-up.”
“No one would mate with me. I’m damaged.”
“I used to say that too. Then Kat came into my life. She healed me when I didn’t think that was possible. Stop fighting with other males.” He jerked his head toward Paul’s home. “She might become a reason for you to want to live.”