Numbers (New Species #14-15)(48)

He reached out and put his open palm over her stomach. She stopped moving. He didn’t say anything as long seconds passed. She liked the warmth of his hand there, heating her skin though the thin material of the shirt.
“No female could ever take your place.”
She dared look at him and he appeared sad to her. She felt the same way. “Do you know what hurts the most?”
“What?” He pulled his hand away.
“It’s not that you mounted other females. You believed I’d chosen another male over you and that I died. It’s learning that you don’t want me anymore. I’m nothing now except bad memories that cause you to have terrible feelings. That tears me apart inside, Hero.” The name would always be foreign, but she did it for him. “I’ll tell Breeze to let you go to your Reservation place and I’ll stay out of your sight. I love you with everything that I am, but I won’t be selfish. I give you peace. Forget I am alive. I won’t exist to you anymore.” 
She eased off the couch and walked toward the door. She would ask the guard outside the door to take her to Breeze. She turned the handle and opened the door but a bandaged hand suddenly slammed against the wood, and the knob was torn out of her grasp. The door slammed closed. She turned, peering up at Hero. His eyes were scary and his lips were parted, fangs showing.
“I want you. That’s the problem.” He snarled the words. “I lose control when it comes to you. You make me feel too much, Candi. You always have. I once wanted to kill you over another male. You were mine! Do you know why I ran from you in my bedroom?” He didn’t give her time to ask. “I was terrified I’d damage you. You’re weak and ill. I can’t mount you. It makes me furious that I want to.”
He wanted her. She reached up and gripped his shoulders. “You won’t damage me. I’m not ill.”
“Bullshit.”
“I just need to gain weight. Doc Tri—”
“Fine. You’re weak. You felt easily breakable in my arms. Captivity does that. You need time to become strong before I take you to my bed. What if I do hurt you? I have enough guilt. I can’t take any more.”
“What guilt?”
He spun away, stalking across the room. He ran his fingers through his hair. He began to pace, shooting angry glances at her.
“What guilt? I know you didn’t mean to hurt me with your chains. I don’t believe you would have snapped my neck if you’d reached me. I don’t want to believe that. You would have stopped yourself from taking my life if you’d broken free and reached me.”
He stopped pacing. “We’ll never know.”
“Let it go. I have. I never blamed you for your rage or pain. Never.”
“How do you feel, knowing I was free while you were still being held captive? We have a task force team that looks for our lost females. No one searched for you. I never told them about you, Candi. I didn’t mention anything to the NSO about the human child who was raised with me inside that cell, because I didn’t want them to know I’d caused your death.”
Some of it started to make sense to her. “You thought I was dead and you had no reason to question it. I was taken away from Mercile. How could you know?”
“I let you down. It’s what I do. You allowed another to mount you to save me, and I hurt you in return. You were locked up but I never tried to rescue you. You made it here on your own after having to kill to gain your freedom. You wanted me to hold you when we saw each other, but I ran away. Now you offer to stay out of my sight so I don’t feel guilt for all the times I’ve failed to be the kind of male who deserves you.”
Her heart broke. “I was wrong. This hurts me the most. You’ve never let me down. Stop thinking that way.” She went after him. “You have always been the male I live for. You’re the reason I am here. You’re my entire world, 927.”
She reached up when she stopped in front of him and slid her hand along the back of his neck, grabbed a handful of his hair and yanked. He grimaced but allowed her to tug his face toward her. She fisted his shirt in the front with her other hand.
“Listen to me, my pup.” She paused. “927. Hero. Whatever the hell you’ll let me call you. You’re making me angry now. Don’t ever say that you don’t deserve me. You want to see how weak I am? Say it again. I will knock you flat. You taught me how to fight. I haven’t forgotten that even if you have.”His eyebrows shot up.
“The only way you can break me is if you continue to tear into yourself. I won’t allow it. Don’t you dare. I love you.” She eased her hold on his hair and wrapped her fingers around the back of his neck instead, drawing him down closer. “I love you.”
Tears swam in his eyes and he wrapped his arms around her.
“You were there to hold me after my mother died. You were the one who kept me warm and comforted me every night. You gave me a reason to live in that cell. You made me laugh and feel so many wonderful things. The only reason I’m alive today is because you were my reason to fight and keep trying to escape. Don’t you dare undermine any of that.”
“Candi, I…”
He didn’t seem to know what to say but she did. “Forget that I said I’d leave. I refuse to let you go. I found you, and you’re mine. I will fight any females who try to touch you. I’ll chase you if you run. I will find you again.”
He lifted her off her feet and she wrapped her legs around his waist. He turned with her in his arms and walked toward the bedroom. “No more running, Candi.”
She clung to him. “Good.”
“I’m not mounting you until you’re stronger. Help me do that by keeping covered.”
She could live with that. “But you plan to?”
He growled. “Yes. When you’re stronger and we’re sure you’re healthy after Doc Trisha gets all your test results back. I can’t live with knowing I’ve hurt you in any way.”
“May I stay here with you? Sleep with you?”
“Yes.” He stopped by the bed and gently lowered her. “But you need to help me get you better. That means rest and sleep. I’m going to care for you.”
She didn’t want to let him go but he stepped back and straightened from the bed, forcing her to. “You want to take things slow. I’m okay with that as long as you’re with me.”
“I won’t leave. I’m going to call my friend Tammy. She’s human the way you are, and always complains about how difficult it is to keep weight off after having her cub. She will know how to put weight on you.”
“Cub?”
He crouched. “That’s another reason I won’t mount you right now. I could get you pregnant.”
She was stunned. “Mercile found a way to do it?” Horror came next. They made more Species to torment? To torture with their drugs? “Oh no.”
“Easy,” he rasped, reaching out to stroke her hair. He seemed to understand her reaction and the thoughts that came with it. “Mercile never accomplished that. It was after we were freed. Species can’t breed together, but some mated human females have had babies with Species males. It’s possible.” He glanced at her body. “You’re so weak that I fear a pregnancy right now might harm you more. I won’t take that risk.” 
Mated. She heard him say it. “You’re going to claim me as your mate?”
His mouth compressed into a tight line.
“That’s okay with me. I want that.”
His lips twitched upward a little before he opened his mouth. “You’re mine, Candi.”
They were the sweetest words she’d heard him say since she realized he still lived. “You’re mine too.”
“I’m going to make that call. Rest. You can’t gain weight if you’re using up all your energy. I’ll return to you soon and I’ll keep you warm until you’re hungry.”
She smiled.
Hero stood, pulling his hand away from her hair. He snagged his cell phone off the table next to the bed and left. He did keep the bedroom door cracked open. She lay down and curled into a ball. She couldn’t wait for him to return, to feel him wrapped around her the way he used to do all those years ago in their cell.
She’d missed him. Part of her still feared going to sleep, terrified she’d wake inside her room at the asylum. Some of the drugs they’d forced into her body had caused very realistic dreams and hallucinations. She pressed her nose against 927’s pillow and found his scent. It helped her relax.
Tammy took the news of his secret really well, even understanding his reaction when he learned Candi was still alive, sympathizing with the guilt that came with it.
“The important part is that you got a second chance,” she stated. “Any mistakes you made in the past don’t matter. What does are the things you do from this moment forward. You have her back, Hero. This Candi is the woman you’ve always loved and wished you had a future with. Grab hold, my friend. This is your chance at happiness.”
“I’m flawed,” he admitted.
“Aren’t we all?” Tammy snorted. “Nobody is perfect. You’re Species. I might be biased because of how much I love Valiant, but you guys make amazing mates. You’ll meet her needs and you’ll do whatever you can to make certain she’s happy. That’s the best thing you can do for her, Hero. She’s survived pure hell so now you get to show her all the wonderful things about life.”