Nowhere to Hide(93)

“That’s all true,” Dilara said. Her lips curved ruefully and she shared a look with Lia. “But to knowingly go into a dark, small space like a cave? That’s where I have to draw my line!”

“That’s completely understandable,” Lia said, smiling over at her.

Then, Dilara said something that Lia never expected. “You know, you might want to include Cav in conversations about your scars. I think he’d understand, don’t you?”

Lia grimaced and didn’t answer her directly. “He’s seen all but the worst one,” she explained, touching her stomach region.

Dilara reached over, giving her a quick hug around the shoulders. “That man cares a great deal for you, Lia. Surely you know that by now?”

“Yes, of course.”

“When I met Robert in Turkey…”

“Yes?”

“I was at a NATO meeting in Istanbul giving a talk on the Delos charity to the top generals from fifteen countries. Robert was there.” She sighed and smiled fondly. “I was twenty-two at the time, my usual confident self. He was such an impressive, attractive man, and so tall that he literally stood above every other man in that room. And he was so brazen! He asked me out to dinner that night after my talk.” She laughed, remembering. “But the place he chose was a tiny basement restaurant—with no windows.”

“Oh, dear,” Lia murmured, giving her a pained look. “What did you do?”

“I saw how tiny it was and told him to stop. We stood outside on the sidewalk, and I told him I couldn’t go in there, but not why. I was afraid he’d make fun of me or think I was a coward.”

“Yes, I’ve experienced that with men.” Lia admitted.

“But Robert was very sympathetic. He asked me to choose a restaurant that made me feel comfortable, and I did.” She laughed. “Silly me! I was so enamored with this man, already falling in love with him. I didn’t know it at the time, of course. But I so wanted him to like me. Before that, I’d avoided dating because I didn’t want to get dragged into small, cloistered places and have to explain why I couldn’t tough it out. I was quite ashamed of myself.”

She became serious. “Of course, six months later when we were out hiking and we were in the earthquake, that is when he found out why I didn’t want to go into that restaurant. And now, in my early forties, I know it was silly of me to feel that way. Age and time have given me a different perspective on my vulnerabilities.”

“I didn’t know this about you, about avoiding dates with men because of it,” Lia confided. “I’ve been doing the same thing.”

“Well,” Dilara said wryly, “when I was seventeen and on my first date with a boy, he took me to a small room where a classical quartet was to play Beethoven. I couldn’t go into it because it was too small. I told him I was afraid and he turned on me, called me a coward and a ‘stupid girl.’ He embarrassed me in front of twenty other people who were standing in line to go into that room. I ran out crying.”

“That’s horrible,” Lia whispered, her heart breaking for her friend.

“That one encounter scarred me for years,” she said, shaking her head. “I was twenty-two when I met Robert. And I was so taken by him that I said ‘yes’ to a date. And then, I was petrified I’d make a fool of myself again when he took me to that tiny restaurant.”

“But he reacted differently,” Lia said, relieved. “Although he didn’t understand my reasons for not going into it, he respected me. I think I began to fall in love with him at that moment.”

Dilara gave her a gentle look. “Yes, just as Cav has done with you. I strongly believe you need to come completely clean with Cav. He reminds me so much of my Robert. He has the intelligence, the compassion, the intuitive sensitivity to hear your fears, and he’ll never judge you. And for people like you and me, it’s the most important quality a person, whether a friend or lover—can have. I don’t believe Cav has ever judged your behavior, has he?”

“No,” Lia whispered. “He’s acted as if the scars meant nothing to him. I honestly don’t think he sees them, Dilara. He only sees the real me.”

“Exactly,” Dilara murmured, smiling. “Robert loved me enough to understand why I was the way I was. He didn’t try to change me, but over time, because he was aware of my issue, he worked with me on it. After we married, he worked with me even more.”

“Today,” and she shrugged, “I honestly don’t think about being claustrophobic, and Robert honors me by not taking me to tiny, enclosed places. He’s aware of what my needs are and makes sure they’re met. He’s been my biggest cheerleader and supporter, Lia. And I believe Cav is your cheerleader, among other important things.”