“I get it, man. I get that you don’t want me here, and I get why, all right? But you need to listen to me!”
“There is nothing you have to say that I—”
“It’s about Em.”
Jay stopped trying to wrestle the door shut. He had his attention now. “Is she okay?”
“Not really.”
“If you hurt her—”
“Not me. You, man. You hurt her.”
“That’s bullshit. I’d die before I hurt Em.”
“I know. That’s the only reason I’m standing here talking to you instead of busting your face in. Whatever it is you think you’re doing, I am telling you, you are hurting her.” The vehemence behind Mason’s words bit at him like an angry guard dog, and Jay’s heart bled.
“I’m protecting her!”
“Whatever you’re protecting her from couldn’t possibly hurt her any more than you have. You’re hurting her by protecting her! Open your damn eyes! You keep pushing her away and she is going to fall off that goddamn cliff. That girl is a wreck because of you and your ‘protection’!”
Jay opened his mouth to respond—to spew all sorts of denials, accusations, explanations, or whatever other bullshit was going to come out of his mouth—and realized . . . he couldn’t. He couldn’t deny that he hurt her. He knew he would before he ever did it. There was no excuse or explanation for that. He’d hurt her. Knowingly. Intentionally.
“I was trying to keep her safe.”
“Then keep her safe, man. Don’t push her away. Don’t leave her defenseless in her own in misery.”
Misery? What had he done? He’d been trying to protect her body, but what had he done to her heart in the process?
“I just . . . wanted her to be happy.” Jay barely recognized his own voice.
“She was happy with you. By leaving, all you did was take her happiness away. It’s obvious. That light in her eyes is gone. She cries more than she smiles. She never laughs anymore. She hardly leaves that room, for chrissakes. You’re trying to keep her safe? Congratulations, asshole, you broke her damn heart. And you’re well on your way to breaking her.”
No. That couldn’t be true. Em was so strong. She didn’t need him. Not like . . . he needed her. But she did. She’d been trying to tell him that all along. They were the missing pieces of each other. She needed him just as much as he needed her. Each and every ounce of pain he’d caused himself, he done the same to her. Worse because she didn’t understand why.
Jay slumped against the door frame. It wasn’t his father, or her uncle, or even himself he had to protect her from. It was his insecurities. Those were what could—had—hurt her most. He was such a fool.
“What did I do?” The words came out on an exhale, so low he doubted anyone else could hear them. So he was stunned when they echoed back to him shrouded by mocking laughter.
“What did you do? Drove another woman away? Did you drive this one right into an early grave like you did your mother?”
“No.” The gut wrenching fear churning in his stomach at the image of Em bloody and lifeless on a tiled floor was enough to mask the contempt for the man standing on the walk behind Mason. “No!”
What did he do? What did he do! He pushed her away. He wrecked her. He broke her. What if she . . . ? No. Not Em. She wouldn’t take the easy way out. Not like his mother had. She was stronger than that. Braver.
Mason glanced back and forth between Jay and his father, at an obvious loss as to what was going on. He needed to get rid of him. And fast.
“You need to go, Mason.”
“What’s going—?”
“Go!”
“Oh, don’t leave yet.” His father joined Mason on the deck and shoved his way inside past a flustered Jay. “The party’s just getting started. Maybe you should call Em. She could join us—”
“Son of a bitch.” Jay whirled around to face off against his father, dismissing Mason’s presence. “Enough! I’m done playing these fucking games. Get out!”
“You sure you want me to go, boy? I leave here empty handed and you know where my next stop will be.”
“You lay one hand on her and I swear to God, I will kill you.”
“You think so? You think you’re man enough to take me?”
It’s about damn time, was all Jay could think. He was done being afraid. Done feeling helpless, and alone. He wasn’t alone. Not anymore.
“Go to hell.” Jay launched himself at his father before he lost his nerve and felt the familiar sting of a blow to the face.
He slammed into the wall, but pushed himself back up, landing a few blows of his own. During the exchange, he only vaguely noted Mason’s disappearance. Good. The last thing Jay wanted was a witness to this shit. With his attention momentary diverted, his father landed a sucker punch to Jay’s gut, grounding him. Jay struggled to reclaim some of the air forced from his lungs by the blow as a foot connected with his left temple, ricocheting his head off the table leg.