The deep-throated roar of an engine broke through the silence, diverting his attention. All of the instincts that had become so deeply ingrained in him over the past few years went on high alert. His entire life had been a hands-on lesson in sensing danger, but his time on the streets had fine-tuned those skills.
A car was barreling down the street far faster than the cracked, rutted pavement should have allowed. Drive-by’s weren’t unheard of in that neighborhood, which Jay knew all too well, having witnessed the aftermath of more than one in his time at the squat. Instinctively reaching for her, Jay tugged Em close, angling his body in front of hers. The engine revved as Jay’s heart thundered in his chest. He knew damn well that if those assholes decided to open fire, there wasn’t a single thing he could do about it.
There was all of this talk in the world about love being some kind of ultimate power. Fairytales of love conquering all. It was bullshit. In reality, the real world, the world they lived in, it didn’t matter how fiercely he loved Em. An idiot with a gun or a bastard with fists and foul intentions would always be waiting in the shadows. Always ready to inflict more harm than his love could ever heal.
His only chance, his only hope of protecting the truly fragile thing that love was, was to keep it as far from him as possible. In Jay’s fucked up world, the only true, undeniable power love held was the power to destroy.
Chapter Thirty-four
Em
Tires squealed around the corner, leaving black marks on the asphalt and the smell of burning rubber in the air. At first, when Jay leaned over her, she’d thought he was going to kiss her. Despite the day she’d just had, her greedy heart wanted that. More than anything. Her lips tingled in anticipation, her body bowed unconsciously into his, her hands reached for him . . . but then he’d pulled away. As the speed demon behind the wheel tore around the bend, Jay sat back beside her, leaving Em wildly confused and wanting.
Her fingers drifted up to her lips to rub away the lingering desire as she watched the shadows stretch toward them from across the street. Part of her wished those dark fingers would grab ahold of her and drag her away. Jay wasn’t going to kiss her. She was a fool. And after he learned the truth, he’d never want to kiss her again.
“I went by your uncle’s house today.”
Em turned her face away from Jay’s penetrating gaze. For one minute, she’d actually allowed herself to believe they wouldn’t have to go there. That he’d let her off the hook and not ask. She should have known better. Jay never let her hide.
“Me, too.”
“Why didn’t you call me? You didn’t have to face that alone. I would have gone with you.”
The cold concrete scraped at her backside as she shifted on her rock-hard seat. “I know you would have. That’s why I didn’t call. I needed to do it myself. I needed to know I could stand up to him. Tell them what he did to me. I know it’s too late to make a difference, but I thought . . . I thought maybe it would help Tori, somehow. Knowing she wasn’t alone.”
Em knew what would come next, but as the words left his mouth she cringed inwardly. “Did you? Talk to the police?”
She dropped her head between her arms, trying to shield herself from the waves of guilt crashing over her. “I couldn’t do it.”
Em stayed hidden even as she felt Jay’s warm hand settle on her back. “Em . . . We could have done it together. Why didn’t you let me help you?”
Anger burst so hot and fast it surprised even her. “Like you’re letting me help you?”
Jay sighed. “I deserved that.”
“No.” She folded in on herself again and that momentary anger faded away, overrun by the truth. “I deserve it. You’re right not to want me to help you. I can’t help anyone. My uncle was right about me. I am a coward.”
“No, Em. You’re—”
“Stop. Don’t say it. Please. You keep telling me I’m strong, and brave, and all of these things, but the truth is, Jay, if they were really true, if you really believed them, you wouldn’t keep trying to protect me from everything!”
His words were meant to comfort. And months ago they would have. Now they sounded like an insult. A challenge to be everything she wasn’t. A challenge she’d failed time and time again. She’d failed to protect herself, she’d failed to protect Tori, and now she was failing to protect the one person who meant more to her than life itself.
***
The house was dark when Em pulled into Ashlyn’s driveway. Harrison had worked up a sweat over the course of the day and she was going to owe her some serious gas money, but Em was pitifully gratefully not to have to face her immediately.