To the casual observer, the structure looked benign enough. Nothing threatening about four walls and a door. No visible bars, no fences with barbed wire, or guard towers armed with long range riffles. Just a perfectly manicured lawn, and pristinely landscaped walkway surrounded by purple and white tulips. A pretty mask. But Em knew exactly what kind of evil lurked inside.
Jay had told her, Ashlyn had told her, and she’d told herself again, and again, and again not to obsess over the case. She hadn’t listened to any of them. Em must have read every article with any mention of her uncle a dozen times. And being a small town without much noteworthy news, there were a lot of them. That’s how she knew he was being held there until his trial. He was right there. Right behind that shiny, mirrored door. So close Em could swear she smelled him.
Her throat closed over the memory scent of body odor and cheap cologne. Dropping her head on the wheel, Em fought to control her frantic breathing as tiny dark spots danced in her vision. She’d never been inside the police station before. What if she saw him? What if he saw her?
It felt as though an elephant had climbed inside the car with her and planted itself right on top of her chest. Her lungs strained, but the air had grown thin. Panic threatened to overrun reason as Em frantically struggled to shift the weight.
Would he be able to hear her while she answered their questions? What would they ask? What would she have to say to them? All of those memories she’d buried so deep, shoved into a box at the back of her mind, and spent her days hiding from. What would unearthing them do to her?
And, Christ, the trial. A cold sweat trickled down Em’s spine. She’d have to testify. Her deepest and darkest secrets laid bare for the local media to run away with. She’d make headlines. There would be articles in publications everyone read. Everyone she ever knew would know the truth. The dirty, vulgar, disgusting truth about her.
What would they say about her? Slut. Coward. Runaway. Enabler.
What if they didn’t believe her? Liar.
What if her uncle was right? What if they said she wanted it? Didn’t do anything to stop it? Whore.
Would Tori blame her for what happened to her? Accomplice.
No. No, no, no, no, no.
Chapter Thirty-three
Jay
Goddamn it, he’d meant to keep a handle on the situation. To find time to go to the library and use their computers to keep an eye on him. To know where that sick bastard was at all times. But shit had gotten in the way. Shit always got in the damn way. And now Em was headed back there and he had no way of knowing what she was driving into. No way to reach her. No way to stop her.
Where was her uncle now? In a jail cell, or had he been released on bail? Was he just sitting there, waiting for Em to show up? Did he expect her to?
Jay glanced at the clock on the dash and felt his heart kick into high gear. She could be there, right now. With him. The needle on his speedometer spiked, making Jay aware of the fact that he was driving stupidly fast.
For the first time since he was a small child and his mother had taught him to fold his hands and kneel beside his bed, Jay raised his thoughts to God in more than just anger. He pleaded with anyone who might be listening as he wove through traffic to keep her safe, to protect her until he could get there, and to help him do so without causing a fiery wreck.
The miles sped by as minutes, and then hours, ticked off the clock. A cold sort of numbness settled over Jay as he focused on one thing, and one thing only. To get to her. Before it was too late. He’d never thought it possible to hate someone more than his father, but he’d found him. His father had been a violent asshole to his mother and him for years, but he had violated an innocent little girl in the most heinous and unforgivable way imaginable. Jay knew what that bastard had done to Em, but, truthfully, he did everything in his power to think about it as little as possible. The thought of her . . . He couldn’t bear it. He could hardly survive the mere thought of it, and Em had had to experience it. Live it. Live with it, every day of her life. It was an impossible burden for anyone to carry. If anything happened to add to it, she’d be crushed.
He’d never meant for this to happen. Jay had never meant to leave her alone. Feeling like this was something she needed to face on her own. She was brave, he’d always known that, but she was still putting the pieces back together. He knew how easy it would be for her uncle to destroy all of that hard work. Too easy.
Jay navigated the small town by memory alone, and when he turned onto the street where he lived it felt like he took a breath for the first time in nearly four hours. Ashlyn’s car was nowhere in sight. Thank God.
The trembling started in his hands, making it difficult to steer. By the time he’d pulled over across from her old house, Jay’s entire body was shaking. Everything he’d held inside all morning was forcing its way to the surface. The sludgy whites and grays that made up the wintery world around him blurred together in a monotone kaleidoscope. Hands locked firmly around the steering wheel, Jay dropped his head onto his arms. His entire body ached from the sheer strain of the past four hours. His chest felt tender from the abusive blows his heart was rendering it. His throat was sore from holding back the tears that stung his eyes. Relief set them free, and for a moment, Jay surrendered to them.