‘So that’s it?’ Lily whispered.
‘Pretty much.’ Hunter gave a dismissive shrug. ‘Emma seems happier, my investors are grinning…’ He shot her a black grin of his own. ‘You’ve more than served your purpose!’
She’d almost told him she loved him. Lily could scarcely believe that just a few seconds ago even in the midst of an angry row she’d been prepared to take that gamble, to expose that last piece of herself to him. But with a few callous words he’d changed everything—his atrocious, immutable indifference, his appalling cruelty told her everything she didn’t want to know.
She didn’t say anything, didn’t offer a response or a reaction as he shrugged his shoulders and headed for bed. The cold shock he’d plunged her into was curiously comforting, extricating emotion, enabling her to face the unpalatable truth.
Nothing was worth the pain he invariably inflicted—love not quite dazzling enough to blind her to the savagery of his words at times or the black moods that came from nowhere.
Numb, she picked up the mug he had been drinking from and sniffed at it, then, scarcely able to believe what she was doing, she rummaged through the kitchen cupboards, looking for what she didn’t really know—alcohol, drugs, something, anything that might explain his behaviour. She even resorted to looking through his jacket pockets for evidence and then stopping. She couldn’t go on like this—not just for her sake, but for the baby’s, too.
She couldn’t keep searching for an answer to a man who insisted there wasn’t a problem.
Like a sleepwalker she headed for the couch and pulled down a throw rug. Huddling up, she stared out into the darkness, her hand on her stomach, acknowledging somehow the little life within.
Knowing it was up to her to protect it.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
‘HAPPY birthday!’ After last night it should have been completely inappropriate, but it was delivered in such an ironic tone that when Hunter sighed and sat heavily on the couch beside where she’d slept, even Lily managed the palest of smiles. ‘Abigail’s going to accuse me of having a hangover again.’ He massaged his temples, his blue eyes closed against the rising sun as he offered his apology—again.
‘I’m sorry.’ He dragged in some air though lips that were a touch too pale and finally opened his eyes and looked at her. ‘I can’t actually remember all I said last night, but I think even I excelled myself.’
‘You did,’ Lily gulped, unable to look back at him, scared that she might forgive him and terrified that still she loved him.
‘Last night when you said you couldn’t go on…’
‘I meant it,’ Lily broke in quickly, scared she’d relent, that she’d somehow forget the pain of last night with the dawn of a new day. ‘Hunter, I can’t do this any more.’
‘I know you can’t.’ He took her hand in his, and she knew she should pull back, knew she shouldn’t let him in even a little bit, but somehow it was easier to hold onto him as she summoned the strength to leave him. ‘And I can’t either, Lily.’
‘So that’s it, then.’ Lily sniffed, somehow managing not to crumble, willing herself to get through the next little bit without tears before she cried a river alone. ‘Look, I know we have to talk,’ she said to herself more than to him, trying to draw a wobbly map to see her through the blur of the immediate future. ‘I know we’re going to have to sort out what we’re going to tell everyone, that sort of thing, but can it wait a couple of days? I’ll be out of here by the time you get back.’
‘No.’ It was Hunter shaking his head now, Hunter’s hand holding hers. ‘After last night I can fully understand that you want to leave, that you want this to end, but, please, can we do the talking first? I know I’m lousy at saying how I feel, but maybe—’
‘No!’ Lily snapped the word out and managed now to look at him. ‘I can’t keep on doing this, Hunter,’ she repeated, just so he got it, just so he knew there was no room for any more hurt. ‘I believe you went to the cemetery, but for four hours?’ She shook her head at the impossibility of it. ‘And with Abigail?’
‘OK.’ He screwed his eyes closed as she confronted him. ‘I wasn’t just at the cemetery.’
‘Then where?’
‘Look, yesterday was a bad day for me, Lily. A really bad day,’ he offered as if by upping the explanation he could excuse his actions. ‘And I know I’ve hurt you, I know I haven’t been upfront with you, but I promise you there’s nothing between me and Abigail.’