‘Is it Emma?’ It was as if she was mirroring his soul. ‘Your parents?’
‘I’m fine.’
‘These headaches you’re getting—’
‘They’re nothing.’
‘Are you drinking?’ Snapping his eyes open, the direct question so far from the answer it brought an incredulous smile to his lips.
‘Where the hell did you pluck that from? You know I don’t drink.’
‘I don’t know anything about you.’ Her voice was still soft, her eyes two deep pools of concern. ‘I just see these moods, the headaches, the pain you seem to be in. If there is something going on, maybe you can tell me. Maybe I can help…’
Oh, God, he wanted to tell her, wanted to tell her what was worrying him, what drove him over and over to push her away. Momentarily he faltered, his mouth opening to speak, to vomit out the pain that was churning in his soul. But she must have sensed his weakness, sensed his desire to tell, because as she confirmed he could go on, that soft voice telling him that maybe she could help him, as surely as if she’d slapped him, Hunter pulled back.
The sound of his father’s stick banging on the bedroom floor, beating in time to the throb of his neuralgia, as she blindly offered to stand by him. And it wasn’t an idle promise—Hunter knew that.
He knew, with a certainty that chilled him to the marrow, she meant it.
He had to protect her from himself at all costs.
‘Look, I’ve got to go.’
‘We need to talk.’
‘We will when I get back,’ Hunter simultaneously lied as he promised. ‘I’ll be gone three, maybe four days. I have to be back for the ball on Saturday.’ He gave a tiny wince. ‘It’s your birthday on Saturday, too…’
‘It’s no big deal.’
‘I’ll make sure I’m back by Friday. You’re sure you’ll be OK?’
‘It’s not your job to worry.’ Lily said it without malice, just affirmed the wretched rules they had agreed to. She expected a wry smile or even a ‘Touché,’ but she was stunned when he shook his head.
‘It’s not that easy, though, is it?’
And despite the row, despite the vile start to the day, it was the closest they’d ever been, the closest he’d ever come to acknowledging them, and at that moment she couldn’t pretend, couldn’t let him get on a plane without saying a little of what was in her heart.
‘No, it isn’t that easy,’ she admitted slowly. ‘Maybe if I was your glamorous mistress and we saw each other once a week for fabulous no-strings sex then we could play by the rules. But living together, lo—’ She choked back the word and quickly rephrased it. ‘Laughing together, sharing our families, it’s impossible not to care.’ He gave a tired nod of understanding and it gave her the courage to continue. ‘I am worried about you. Please, tell me what’s going on.’
‘There’s nothing going on.’ The tiny whirlwinds that danced on their horizon blackened then, an updated forecast looming in Lily’s mind, and suddenly she was scared for him, knew for certain that he was lying.
‘I don’t believe you,’ Lily said softly.
‘It’s really nothing,’ he said more firmly, though it was almost as if he was trying to convince himself rather than her. ‘I’m just tired, I guess. Can’t stand the thought of getting on another plane, crashing out in another hotel.’
‘Do you have to go today?’
‘Yes.’
‘And so do I,’ Lily said. All the anger gone from them now and he actually nodded his understanding. ‘This is something I have to do.’
An impatient buzz on the intercom, no doubt from Abigail, fractured the rare moment of true intimacy, and Hunter reluctantly withdrew and gave her the briefest but most tender of kisses before picking up his briefcase and heading for the door.
‘Hey, Lily.’ He turned and smiled, looking far more like the usual Hunter and certainly sounding it when he spoke. ‘When all this is over, do you think we might manage that?’
‘Manage what?’
‘You as my glamorous mistress and meeting once a week for fabulous sex? I mean, I know we said we’d just end it, but…’
‘Worried you might miss me?’ Lily raised a teasing eyebrow, even managed an easy wave as he headed out of the door, but her heart was hammering in her chest. She was almost relieved when he had gone so that she could let out the breath she was holding, could sit down on the couch and gather the thoughts that were swirling in her mind like a snowstorm.
They’d agreed to walk away at the end of a year, agreed to stay out of each other’s lives, and, whether joking or not, Hunter had given her a glimpse that he wasn’t finding things particularly easy either.