She saw the humour growing in his eyes as if he knew every thought passing through her head. And his humour was so much more potent than lust, because it suggested the intimacy between them she craved. That was why it always managed to slip beneath her guard….
And was she supposed to resist the confident curve of Nico’s lips, or pretend she couldn’t hear the beating of her own heart? Heat was rushing through her before he even touched her. She was blind to reason the moment she felt him looking at her and wanting her. The thought of instilling common sense into their relationship no longer mattered to her. All she wanted was to feel Nico’s arms around her and his lips claiming her mouth. She was his, she would always be his, and she couldn’t, she wouldn’t fight it….
Taking him by the hand, she drew him inside the room and closed the door. She could feel the tension draining out of him right away. This healing process, this coming together and finding release, was as crucial to him as it was to her; it was as vital to their existence as air. When he ran his fingertips down her naked arms she didn’t sigh, she vocalised a sound of love, of need and urgent hunger. And Nico understood that. Of course he understood. They spoke the same language when it came to this….
‘Kiss me,’ Carrie murmured, throwing back her head to expose the tender hollow at the base of her neck. She was already vibrating with anticipation. She was ready for Nico in every way. And when he kissed her, when his tongue plundered her mouth, it was all she could do to remain on her feet. Desperate for further contact, she pressed herself up against him, moulding her body to his, and rejoicing in the surge of passion between them, exulting in the strength of his embrace. The insistent pressure of his erection between her thighs wasn’t enough. She wanted to possess him, and for him to possess her. She wanted him, on any terms…
On any terms?
‘No!’ Turning her head away, she made the exclamation softly on a sigh, and then she pushed him away, directing what little will she had left into the movement. ‘You can’t have everything you want at your command, Nico.’
Carrie heard the words and couldn’t believe that she had spoken them.
Nico didn’t reply, and in the space when she should have been more tongue-tied than she had ever been it was she who found the words: ‘I can’t do this anymore, Nico. Not anymore…’ It is destroying me. She didn’t say that, she only thought it, and somehow she held herself together when he turned and walked away.
She had a cruel dream that night. In her dream Nico had stayed with her and they had made love. They had made love as she had always wanted to, with tenderness and with emotion. Staring deep into her eyes, Nico had told her that he loved her, and she had believed him….
But then, of course, this new Carrie had been a princess who wore a beautiful gown and lived in a palace. This new Carrie had had the confidence of knowing she was adored, and that Nico was only one in a long line of adoring suitors. This new Carrie hadn’t made it so shamefully obvious that she loved Nico Fierezza to the extent she wasn’t aware any other man existed. And this new Carrie had been subtle and clever and quick-witted and beautiful, and had lured Nico deep into the room merely by crooking her finger at him and smiling her ravishing smile.
Equally matched, they had made it to the bed, which had made them laugh. This time it hadn’t been on a table, or up against the wall, or anywhere Nico found convenient, but a bed…a big, comfy bed where lovers who trusted each other could spend more than a few fiery minutes in each other’s arms. They could spend the night together and share their secrets. And then they had started laughing as they had rolled together, tight in each other’s embrace, and then they had begun to fall, and fall…And then she had woken up to find it was only a dream; a dream that had left her emptier than she had ever felt in her life.
Clutching her knees, Carrie buried her face and faced the truth. Far from loving her, Nico had left her last night the moment he had realised she wasn’t his to use and discard as he pleased. She almost wished she could turn the clock back and behave differently. But if she did that she would only be walking the same lonely road leading nowhere. She had exerted her will, and she had proved that she could do it, and now she must continue down that same, equally lonely road. But better to be strong than weak, for what kind of role model would she be to her child if she were weak?
Perhaps if she could leave Niroli and all the hurt behind…But she knew now that her dream of hiding away in the countryside was a foolish fantasy that took no account of a cruel world where a child of privilege was a potential target. She couldn’t take the risk that the truth about her baby might leak out; she couldn’t do anything that might endanger her child. And now she had a ten o’clock meeting with Princess Laura. It had been arranged between them before everything had gone so badly wrong. ‘A girl’s induction to palace life,’ the princess had described it, knowing nothing of the undercurrents and deception behind Carrie’s presence at the palace. Having insisted she stay on, Princess Laura had said it wouldn’t hurt Carrie to be prepared. For anything, Princess Laura had added with her customary twinkle.