"Oh, okay." He sounded disappointed.
I sat at the foot of my bed with my head in my hands and shame in my heart. The door creaked slightly as Grey knocked and entered. He came and crouched in front of me.
"You never could lie to me, Carls. Tell me what's going on, please?" He took my hands from my face and tilted his head to look me in the eye. How could I tell him I was ashamed of what we'd done? It wasn't that I regretted the hottest sex I'd had in years,it was just that I had slept with someone else's fiancé. How could I be such a slut?
"I'm fine, just a little hung-over," I lied.
"As long as that's it … You're not regretting last night, are you?"
"No, it was fun."
"Fun? Is that all it was?" he asked, sounding a little offended.
"If you're talking about the sex, it was amazing, but then you always were."
"Carls," he said, getting up and sitting next to me. "Look at me, please?"
I looked toward him and saw hurt flash in his eyes. How did he get to be hurt? He was the one with the fiancée. I was the one who'd disgraced herself sleeping with an engaged man. In this situation, I was the one who should be hurting-which I was, deeply. He got to return to Maggie and obviously wouldn't tell her about us, so I was the only one with anything to lose.
"Carls, after all these years away, I have never let go of my love for you. I've had relationships here and there, but nothing has held a candle to you and me. I'm not saying leaving was a mistake-it helped me get my career off the ground, and as young as I was, I was naïve about the effect it would have on me. On you. But I'm home now, and if you'll have me, I'm home to stay." He looked me in the eye the entire time he spoke.
How could I trust anything he said? What was supposed to happen now-we'd had drunken sex, and as hot as it was, it wasn't enough to make him leave Maggie. What right did I have wishing he would leave her? Come to think of it, what right did he have to act as though she didn't exist?
"I never stopped loving you either, Grey, but it isn't that simple now. You can't waltz back into my life after ten years and expect to pick up where we left off. Plus, you came home for your Aunt Lizzie, remember?"
"Yeah, I did, but thankfully she's getting better now, and it's time to confront the ghosts of my past-the way we ended has haunted me ever since. I know better now. I want us to work, and if you do too, then there's nothing to stop us." He sounded so sincere.
I got up and pulled things from my wardrobe to get dressed, hoping he would get the hint that I did not want to have this conversation.
"Can you turn your back, please?" I asked, a little irritated that he watched me so intently.
He did as I asked and I quickly threw my clothes on. I picked up my clothes from the night before and threw them in the hamper in the corner. I sat down at my vanity and picked through my makeup bag, needing to do something to quiet my nagging conscience.
"What errands do you have to run? Anything I can help with?" Grey still ignored the elephant in the room.
"Grocery shopping, popping in to see Jodie on her shift at the restaurant-a few other things." I ignored the elephant, too.
"Can we meet for lunch at least? Please? I'm not going anywhere, Carls. I'll stay in town as long as it takes to win your heart and your trust," he said as he sat on my bed and watched me put my makeup on.
"I promised Jodie lunch, sorry." I tried to act nonchalant but knew he could see through the façade. He may not know exactly what was wrong but he knew there was something I was holding in. Honestly, he should have known exactly what the matter was but it seemed he either didn't have a conscience or he ignored it.
I got up and pulled a pair of boots from the bottom of my wardrobe. I pulled them on and left the bedroom. Grey followed me into the lounge as I found my purse and car keys. Neither of us spoke for a few minutes.
"I'm not leaving until I get an answer, Carls," Grey finally broke the silence.
"An answer to what?" I asked as I made my way to the front door, Grey hot on my heels. He'd put his top and shoes on at some point and grabbed his jacket from the floor by the coat rack where it had landed last night.
"Us, Carls. Can there be an ‘us' again?" He sounded like he was not above pleading. I looked into his eyes and my resolve faltered momentarily.
"Sorry, Grey, but I'm not getting into that right now. I really do have to get things taken care of before lunch with Jodie," I replied, hoping he would take the hint to shut up and leave.
"Okay, well, I need to know if I can see you again-answer me that, at least?" he asked, a hint of pleading coming through his tone.
"I can't answer that, either. Look, Grey, last night was great, but there can't be a repeat performance. I'm sorry. Now I really must go," I said and opened the front door.
Dejected, Grey pulled himself together and walked past me to leave.
"I love you, Carly Summers. I mean it, you know that to be true. Look in your heart and answer yourself the question-do you still love me enough to give us another chance?" he said as he made his way to the curb.
"Do you want a lift somewhere?" I asked, feeling sorry for him.
"It's okay, I'll call a cab," he said as he stood there, looking sad but still as hot as I remembered and then some.
"Okay, I'll catch you around," I said as I got in and started the engine.
"See you, Carls." If possible, his tone sounded even sadder. I felt sorry for him but I couldn't let myself go down that route when he had Maggie to go back to.
I drove away and saw him in my rear-view mirror. I couldn't see his face, but his stance told me he was hurt. I couldn't afford to feel anything for him, not now.
I did my grocery shopping and paid some bills. It was twelve o'clock when I got to the restaurant, hoping Jodie would be able to take her lunch with me-I'd lied to Grey about lunch, of course, but he didn't need to know that.
She didn't look pleased to see me but at least she agreed to lunch and brought us both a cold drink over to the booth in the corner where I had chosen to sit for the sake of a little privacy.
"Give it to me straight, girl. Leave out no detail," Jodie demanded as she sat opposite me.
I recounted the details of last night, keeping nothing secret from my best friend. The look on her face ranged from surprise, to envy, to something I couldn't put my finger on as I finished telling her everything.
"Well, I know I thought something like that had happened but you've surprised me, Carly-you've slept with someone else's man, something I never thought you'd do," she said as she sat in a state of shock.
"I know. I guess the fact that I was drunk and horny drowned out my conscience, until this morning, that is."
"Seems like he knew what he was doing. He can't have been that drunk, else he couldn't have … well … you know, got it up," she blushed as she added the last part.
"I never thought about that. If that's the case, he should feel even guiltier than I do."
"Doesn't sound like he acted guilty this morning!" she replied.
"I'm not sure what happens from here," I said as I scanned the menu, anything to take my mind off what was eating me up inside.
Jodie went and placed our orders, then we ate and made small talk-all the while I was feeling guiltier and guiltier over what I had done. Jodie was the only one I could confess my confusion and guilt to so I was glad she told me that we were good before we said goodbye. I didn't want her mad at me for last night and it seemed she had forgiven me.
My phone beeped with a text message. I looked at the screen and saw it was from Grey.
We need to talk Carls. Please don't ignore me or shut me out. G xx
I wasn't in the mood for the inevitable conversation so I put my iPhone back in my pocket and went about my day.
I decided it would be nice to visit Grey's Aunt Lizzie, but I didn't want to chance an encounter with Grey, so I phoned his mother before going over.
"Lizzie would love to see you," Katrina said.
"Great. I won't be treading on anyone's toes, will I? I don't really want to bump into Grey," I replied, trying to sound less guilty than I felt.
"Grey's not here, he's gone out with Maggie," Katrina responded, blind to the pain I felt in my chest as she spoke. It was like a hot knife stuck straight in my heart. I should've known that he'd be with her but that didn't mean it hurt any less.
"Great, see you in about fifteen minutes," I said, barely able to disguise the pain in my voice.
"See you then, honey."
I made my way to Grey's childhood home. I was attacked by memories from all sides as I drove down the familiar roads. I couldn't help but feel a pang in my chest as I saw the garage where Grey had done his work experience while we were in high school. I had once loved the smell of the oil and grease on his skin. Then I passed the park where we had met for lunch throughout our summers. A stray tear escaped my eye and I wiped it with the back of my hand.