I stood in my kitchen, Grey pressed up against me, kissing me like the world would end at any moment. I was heady with desire as I undid the buttons of his shirt and took it down his arms. It was then that I got a good look at the tattoo I spied the night of the Christmas pageant. What I saw was the most beautiful phoenix rising from flames. The phoenix itself was black and grey and the flames surrounding it were full color-it was the most beautiful sight to behold, except for Grey himself.
He caught my gaze and his hand turned my face up to his.
"I got it after we split. I was so … broken," he said in a somber voice. "I was hurting and I needed to turn the pain into something worthwhile-I felt like I had to make a fresh start and how better than a phoenix rising from the flames?"
"It's beautiful, Grey. I'm glad you turned your pain around."
"I didn't manage to get rid of all traces of the pain, though. You can't erase memories." He looked at me and I knew exactly what he meant-I had felt the same.
I let his shirt fall to the floor. It seemed a common occurrence to leave our clothes strewn everywhere the last couple of times together but I wasn't complaining. I made short work of undoing the button and zip of his trousers, but before I could let them drop, he took my hand in his.
"Show me to your room, Carls, I want to make love to you in your bed," he said in a husky voice.
I didn't say anything, just took his hand and pulled him behind me as I made my way to my room. I didn't turn the light on, instead I lit a couple of candles on my vanity-there was enough light to see this gorgeous man in front of me. He'd let his hair grow out a little since returning home. His chestnut hair and his chocolate brown eyes were something to behold-he was definitely a sight for sore eyes. No wonder women flocked to him-it wasn't just his looks though, he was an amazing person.
I finished what I had started in the kitchen and soon he was fully undressed while I stood there in my dress and my bra. He made a move to remove them for me but I shook my head. I lay him down on my bed and stripped for him.
As we made love that night, I was happier than I could remember being in a long time.
Upon waking the next day, I looked at Grey sleeping on the other side of my bed and knew that this was meant to be. We were in love and there was no point ignoring his proposal because I wanted to be his wife, to have this wonderful man as my husband. Trouble was, he'd not mentioned the proposal since.
Grey stirred and I snuggled up to him. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me long and slow. I wanted, no, needed this man. He brought the best out of me. It was as though the last ten years melted away, forgotten. I couldn't blame him for leaving, he'd done what he felt was the right thing. But now he was back and wanted us to build a life together.
Grey's phone started to ring and he broke the kiss to reach for it.
"Yes, Mother. No, Mother, I haven't forgotten. Yes, I asked Carls to make the cake. Okay, see you later," he said and hung up.
"That was my mother. She was just checking I had everything sorted for Aunt Lizzie's party today," he said as he snuggled back up to me.
"But I haven't started the cake yet," I said as I made a move to get out of bed.
"And where do you think you're going?" he asked as he pulled me back.
He lay me back on the bed and kissed me, slowly, teasingly. He nuzzled into my neck and I knew I would yield-I couldn't resist when he made me feel this way. I wrapped my arms around his neck and waited for him to make his move. I wasn't sure what he wanted from me exactly, but I knew that I felt worshipped when he kissed and touched me. He kissed my body from head to toe and back to my lips. I knew there was no time for more foreplay, the look in his eyes told me he wanted me now.
As he reached for a condom in the bedroom drawer, I shook my head.
"I don't have any more, last night was the last one," I whispered against his skin. "But it doesn't matter, I'm on the pill-after the first time we made love, I went to the doctor."
"Oh, Carly," he said as he held himself above me, ready and waiting.
"Just make love to me, Grey," I said, my voice full of need.
He guided himself inside me and there was an audible gasp. He wrapped my legs around his waist and pushed deeper inside me. Slowly, he started to move and I matched his rhythm.
"I love you, baby," Grey said as he kissed me and began to quicken the pace.
"I love you … too … " I breathed out as he moved faster in and out of me. If he wasn't careful, this would all be over too soon.
"I know, baby, I know." He leaned down to claim my mouth with his own. He was breathing heavily and I knew he was about to come. I put my arms around his neck and kissed him deeper. He pulled away and rolled us over so I was on top of him-I could feel him deeper this way and I could slow our pace down. I moved against him and he reached for me, pulling my body down to his. His lips met my skin and there was fire. He kissed down my neck and towards my already taut nipples-he pulled one into his mouth and played with the other with his free hand-I relished in the heady feeling.
"I'm going to come, baby, fuck me harder," Grey said, momentarily releasing my nipple from his mouth. He moved on to the other one and I found a faster rhythm, wanting to feel him come inside me. We were both moaning and moving quickly until in the same moment, we both came. There was nothing better than the feeling of Grey filling me up.
The aftershocks still rippled deliciously through my body as I lay myself down on the bed next to Grey.
We lay snuggled together for a few minutes while we got our breathing under control. I was the one to break the spell when I decided to take a shower. I turned on the radio, and as I walked away from Grey, the song "Locked out of Heaven" by Bruno Mars came on. I laughed and sang along.
I heard Grey laugh as he got up and put his boxers on. He went to make coffee while I showered.
The next song on the radio was "You Could Be Happy" by Snow Patrol. I couldn't help the tears that fell silently down my cheeks as I was reminded of listening to this song endlessly. It was released after Grey was already gone but it summed up exactly how I felt.
Grey took the coffee into the bedroom and then came to join me in the shower. He got in under the water and turned to face me.
"Why did I waste so much time being a dick before I came home?" he asked as he wrapped his arms around me.
"It wasn't a waste, Grey," I said honestly. "You needed to follow your career where it took you and if you hadn't, if we'd stayed together, you might have resented me for keeping you here."
"I would never resent you, Carls. I … " he trailed off and seemed lost in thought for a moment before saying, "We could have gone together. I wish you had come with me."
"I couldn't abandon everything and come with you, Grey, we knew this at the time. Things are different now, we've grown in ways we wouldn't have if you'd stayed-I truly believe that everything that happened was for a reason, though we may not know that reason-I'm just glad you're home."
"I'm glad I'm home, but more than that-and I know this is selfish-I'm glad I didn't come home to find you married to someone else," he said as we stood letting the water wash over us.
"I had relationships since you left, Grey, but I couldn't keep any of them. How could I give my heart away when it wasn't mine to give? You have always held my heart, whether you knew it or not."
"That song, "You Could be Happy" reminded me of you when we were apart," he said, shocking me that we had felt the same.
"Same here," I said before kissing him.
After we got out of the shower, I let my hair dry naturally as I got everything together to make the red velvet cake for Lizzie. Grey helped me ready the ingredients.
"I want to do something a bit different with the shape of the cake, Grey," I said as I retrieved my silicone case to make a giant cupcake.
"I'm sure whatever you do, it will be amazing. Your cakes were always the best," he replied, showing me my favorite smile.
"Thanks," I said as I placed a chaste kiss against his soft lips.
I turned off the radio and plugged in my iPod dock. I put it on shuffle and the first song to play was "If I Knew Then" by Lady Antebellum. I began to sing along as I started mixing the cake batter. Grey smiled at me as he watched me singing and baking.
"You have a beautiful voice. I was in awe at the Christmas pageant," he said, dipping his finger into the batter.
"Thank you, but it's nothing compared to you. When you sang "Blue Christmas" I nearly cried," I admitted. "It was like you were singing directly to me."
"I was," he admitted as a blush crept across his face.