She pushed away her own bowl and tugged the edges of his jacket closer around her, needing shields.
"Would you be more comfortable on the sofa? I'll get the quilt."
"I'm fine."
"You're not fine." He took a few angry steps toward her, paused with his eyes closed and drew a calming breath, then he opened his eyes. "You're sick as a dog, still choking up smoke. It's killing me."
"Really? Because the way you're acting, I keep thinking you're still mad about Lyle and your mom and everything."
"No." He swiped his hand through his hair. "I am mad, but I don't know who at. I keep thinking if I'd been with you, I might have woken up before whoever started the fire had lit the match. Or if I'd put you in the truck yesterday, maybe I would have convinced you to come here and you wouldn't have been there at all. If I'd talked to Mom alone, or if I hadn't been such an asshole when you came to talk after I fired Lyle-" He turned his palm up, still sounding angry. "What are we going to do, Paige?"
"About?"
"Us."
Her lips hurt and refused to remain steady. Tears stung her eyes and her throat ached. The way he said that word made it sound sweet and sharp, yet so impossible. She turned her face to the side in rejection.
"Paige, I'm sorry." He started to come around to her.
"So am I," she said, holding him off with a hand. "But so what? Our parents are still... We are still who we are."
"What do you mean by that?"
"You know," she chided.
"No, I really don't."
Standing was an effort. The way he watched her walk to the sink with her bowl made her tremble. "You're the perfect guy who has everything and I'm a Fogarty."
"Stop it." His voice was hard.
She shrugged. "I didn't tell you about Lyle because I was afraid of losing what we had."
"I don't want to lose it either!" He took a step toward her.
"But what is it, Sterling? You say ‘us,' but you're not happy I'm the one you fell for. Are you?"
His shoulders shifted as he adjusted his bearing. "I never wanted there to be any one, Paige. It's..." He searched for words. "Dad's been crushed by Mom so many times. I don't want to be vulnerable like that."
"You resent feeling this way."
"I did."
"Do."
"I'm getting used to it."
She swallowed. Watched the apology that angled through his brow, flickered in the corners of his mouth.
"I don't want to feel this way either." She watched him flinch. "Look how I act for people I care about." She looked away. The collar of his jacket, still draped across her shoulders, brushed her cheek. She shrugged so it would caress her again. "People use me up and I let them."
"I haven't been using you, Paige. Don't make it sound like that."
"No, but..." It was all she could do not to turn into his body and let him cradle her. "Yesterday, after..." She rolled her wrist, referring to their talk with his mother. "I was serious about dropping everything and going back to Seattle and I was so relieved." Tears came to her eyes again. "Everyone here expects me to bend over backwards for them, but they don't appreciate what it costs me. It's not their fault. I've always done it. Even you called me an enabler and you're right."
"I can't leave the factory and go to Seattle with you. I would. But I can't."
"I wouldn't think much of you if you did." She met his gaze, heart shivering in her chest. "I don't like the way you did it, but your taking control will be good for the factory. And the town. You're doing good work."
"So are you."
"Don't. You're not allowed to guilt me into working there."
"It's not guilt. It's a fact. And I think you should finish the audit. Because if you insist on paying back my mother, I'm going to insist my parents honor the original agreement and buy Grady's share at fair market value."
He wanted her to do exactly what she'd wanted in the first place: to look after her family. She let out a scoffing noise of disbelief, shaking her head. "That's cruel."
"Are you really prepared to walk away from that? From this?" He pointed between them. "Go back to Seattle and give me a wave in the grocery store when you happen to be in town? Not even give us a chance?"
She looked at her broken nails, hands scuffed by their rough night. "Maybe we could just see how it goes until I finish the audit?"
He made a noise like she'd punched him in the gut. "I suppose that's karma. I never agreed to come here without having a reason to leave already in place. I'd rather you were all in, giving this a real try."
"Move my whole life here? My risk tolerance isn't that high. What if it doesn't work out?"
"Come on," he said with a hint of lightness. "What's left to fight about?"
She choked on a laugh. "We're pretty creative. I'm sure we'll find something."
"Flirt." He reached out and she let him draw her in, insides quaking then settling. His hand smoothed her hair as he pressed his lips to the side of her head. "I'm not used to anyone doubting me, Paige. It bothers me that you think I'm going to let you down. That I have," he added in an undertone. "You have to give me a chance to show you I can do better."
He didn't understand that she was a Fogarty, and therefore didn't have a right to expect the same respect and gold standard loyalty that others were entitled to.
His mouth searched for hers, but into the quiet they heard the crunch of tires on gravel over at her father's place, loud because her father's house wasn't there to absorb the noise and the plastic sheet over Sterling's kitchen window didn't block it.
They both moved to the window in the back door so they could see properly.
Two men were climbing from a cube van that read Fildew's Sleep Center. One consulted the clipboard he was carrying. The other scratched his head.
"You've gotta be kidding me. I left a message last night, canceling my order."
"That explains the special delivery on a Sunday," Sterling drawled. "They didn't want to lose the sale. But that's handy. We need a mattress for your brother."
Chapter Thirty-Two
Sterling sighed with impatience as they were invaded. His parents arrived just after Paige's mother, while the deliverymen were still propping the mattress and box spring on its side in the hall.
"You were supposed to go back to Seattle." Paige's mother hugged her, trailing a scent of cleaning products and cigarettes. "Why didn't you?"
"Long story," Paige dismissed, eyeing Sterling over her shoulder as he saw off the mattress men and let in his parents.
His mother brought four casseroles, three bags of clothes and a bag full of drug store items. After they had everything carried in, Sterling's father went to survey the remains of Grady's house.
Sterling called Lyle's cell, keeping an ear tuned to the conversation in the kitchen between his mother and Connie.
"The Friends In Need Assembly has come through again," his mother was saying. "But we haven't found accommodation. Will your children stay with you?"
"Shirley and I cleared the small bedroom for Paige. Lyle will have to take the sofa," Connie said.
"Fogarty," Lyle answered in Sterling's ear.
"We have a mattress for you. Swing by the factory and grab a bed frame while you're out. It's a king."
"You fired me for stealing, dumb ass. No. Remind me to give you my keys later."
Right. Sterling cursed. "Fine. Dad and I will run over and get one."
"Your parents are there?"
"And your mom."
"I'll take my time with these paint chips, then. Call me when everyone's gone."
Sterling hung up in time to hear Paige say, "Sterling said we could stay here, Mom."
"That's right. He did mention that." Evelyn's forced cheerfulness made her voice so high, dogs across town were perking up their ears. "Well, I suppose it's the neighborly thing for Walter and I to loan the house. Sterling's room is always ready for him at home."
Sterling poked his head around the archway. "Lyle and Paige are staying here with me." To Paige he added, "Leave those."
She ignored him and tried to wrestle a sack of clothing past both him and the mattresses in the hallway, toward the bedrooms. "I'll do it," he said, taking the bag from her. "Why don't you make coffee?"
His mother snatched up the last bag and followed him down the hall, holding him hostage in the bedroom.
"Sterling. No."
"Be nice," he ordered her. "Paige got you something."
He fished out the key from his pocket and opened the drawer in the headboard, handing her the sack of cash Paige's ex had brought.
His mother was utterly flummoxed, her expression just about worth everything they'd all been through to arrive at this moment and see it.