Not in Her Wildest Dreams(45)

Everyone stared at her, save Britta, who was fingering the fringe on her placemat.

"Auntie Paige?" Zack murmured.

"Yes, hon, go ahead." He reached to scoop steaming lasagna onto his plate.

"How soon can he sell it?" Olinda looked around. "It needs to be painted  first. And the floors! What happened? It was so beautiful when I left."

"Eighteen years happened," Paige said.

"If Pops sells, where will Dad go?" Zack asked around a mouthful of garlic bread, looking at his mother.

"Don't even think it," Britta said. "He's not living with us."

"He could help with the baby," Zack argued.

"You're pregnant?" Paige's mother screeched.

Britta let her head fall forward until her forehead pressed against her empty plate.

"Even if Lyle wants to get a mortgage and buy the house from Dad, that  just gives Dad something to live on. There's still nothing left as an  inheritance," Paige said bluntly.

Britta snorted. "How's Lyle going to make mortgage payments without a job?"

"Where is he? I'll explain so he understands the house has to be sold." Olinda took a step toward the stairs.

"I don't know where he went, but he packed before he left," Paige said.

"His lawyer told him he had to sober up. He's checking into a clinic, said he'd be gone two weeks," Zack said.

"Oh." Paige wondered what it said about her life when the best news of her day was that her brother was checking into rehab.

They all talked a little more, but no one seemed hungry except Zack.

"We haven't decided what to do about the house," Olinda said a half hour  later. "Surely you want your money, Connie? Grady has to sell it. When  is he coming back?"

"He might not," Paige admitted, not even bothering to wonder where her  father thought he would live. With Arlene? He would land on his feet. He  always did.

"I don't care what happens to the house," Paige's mother said. "The only thing I've ever wanted out of it was my kids."

Paige gave her mom a half-smile, wishing she'd expressed those  sentiments back then, rather than a vitriol of her own brand of inner  pain.

"I wish I could see a different way forward, but I don't," Paige said,  staring without appetite at the food. "You should eat something, Brit."

Britta took a piece of garlic bread and picked the soft stuff off the crust.

"You can't wash your hands like this," Olinda said, eye to eye with Paige.

"Yes, I can," she said firmly.

"Is this about me telling Sterling?" Olinda glanced out the glass doors  to where the translucent light over Sterling's kitchen sink glowed.  "You're sleeping with him, aren't you?"

Britta drew in a sharp breath. "Are you?"

Paige flushed and avoided her best friend's gaze.

Zack's fork paused for the first time. "Dad hates that guy."

Paige hurt in her chest and in her throat. She didn't want to think about how much that guy hated this family.

"My decision has nothing to do with Sterling." Except the running like  hell part. "It sounds as though he's going to take charge at the  factory. I just want to go back to Seattle."

"Are you sure you didn't take a buyout on the sly?" Olinda asked. "And  now you're sneaking off to Seattle, leaving us with nothing?"

"Quite sure. Jesus, Olinda."

"Olinda, how can you be this suspicious of Paige and still have said all  those times that you wanted to remarry into the family?" Britta asked.

"How can you be pregnant with Lyle's baby after divorcing him years ago?"

Blistering silence, then, "Ready to go, Zack?"

"Um..." Zack stared at the two servings of lasagna that were left.

"Eat it," Paige said.

"Thanks." He scraped the pan onto his plate.

"Leaving us to our own devices is something your father would do," Olinda said.

"It's something Dad did do." Paige folded her arms on the table. The  weight of the world settled across her shoulders, along with the burden  of that stupid loan for tuition that Evelyn had floated.

Olinda sighed and gathered her purse. "Well, at least that's it for the  audit. Silver linings, I suppose. Are you coming back here at all?"         

     



 

At this point, it seemed like an enormous undertaking to leave. Her  energy was draining by the minute. Maybe she was coming down with  something. Walking home in the rain had been really dumb.

"It'll probably be a couple of weeks. I have to play catch-up at work."

"All right. Drive careful." Olinda kissed her cheek.

Paige walked Olinda to the top of the stairs and waved at her as she left.

"We'll go too," Britta said, standing. "If Godzilla has finished consuming Tokyo?"

"Italy," Zack corrected, scooping the last bite into his mouth. "Thanks,  Auntie Paige. That was really good. I'll go start the car."

Paige shook her head over the clean lasagna pan, the empty salad bowl,  the missing half-loaf of garlic bread. "That's frightening."

"Watch, we'll get home and he'll complain he's hungry."

"He's a good kid, you know. You're a good mother."

Britta teared up. "Don't. I'm still not ready."

But she was going to keep the baby. Paige could tell. It agonized her  that Britta would be struggling again. If she could only fix or help-

Habits of a lifetime. Somehow she had to find the line between being a  friend and setting boundaries over how much responsibility she took on  for those she loved.

As they stood downstairs waiting for Paige's mom to come out of the  bathroom, Paige asked, "What did Lyle say? After he calmed down, I  mean."

"Not much." Britta shook her head. "It doesn't matter. I'd rather he  didn't have anything to do with this one. Frankly, it'd be nice if this  house was sold. Without a job or a house, he'd have to move. Tell me  about you and Sterling."

"Nothing to tell. Just me, motivated by Fogarty hormones, making stupid choices."

"Hormones don't motivate Fogartys," Britta said, breathing a sad laugh  that fogged against the light from the porch bulb when she opened the  door. "Me? This?" She motioned to her stomach. "This was hormones." She  rolled her shoulder. "For me, anyway. Lyle... He was really sad and  needed to feel loved that day. And your dad? Your mom told me once that  your grandparents were religious fanatics who used to knock Grady around  when he wasn't pious enough. I figure he has dedicated his life to  finding love wherever he can."

Paige jerked her shoulder. Her grandparents weren't discussed much. "Yet  he always winds up doing something dumb and making people angry. Any  love he gets is temporary. Rosie moved out on him. He's messing around  with Anthony's aunt."

"See, that's what I mean! He's desperate for love, Paige. Why do you  think he refused to let you guys live with Connie? ‘Cause kids love  their parents no matter what you do to them."

"That's true," Paige murmured. "I do love him. Even though I've  inherited his same blind desperation for love. Look at me, falling like a  ton of bricks for a man who could never really want me. It's so  pathetic."

"If you slept with Sterling because you love him, that's something to be  proud of. If he doesn't recognize how lucky he is, then he doesn't  deserve you."

Oh, the platitudes we tell ourselves.

Her mother came downstairs then, hugged Paige and left with Britta.

~ * ~

An hour later, Paige couldn't seem to pack for staring into space,  justifying her actions to herself. Going back to Seattle was the right  thing to do. It was all she had wanted to do for weeks. She was entitled  to pursue her own life. Be free of trying to fix her father's  oversights.

She still felt like she was abandoning everyone. That accusation of  Olinda's about taking money on the side stung, probably because it felt  so close to the truth.

Evelyn Roy had paid for her education.

The knowledge churned like sour milk in Paige's stomach. She'd walked  out of the Roy house so deeply encapsulated in anger and hurt, she  hadn't really absorbed everything Evelyn had said, but now she wondered  if there was room to at least rescue her father's deal.

Paige sighed. It turned into a little cough.

Would Evelyn out herself as one of Grady's lovers? Paige doubted it. She  had protected herself this long. So would she let Paige pay off that  promissory note and reinstate Grady's share?

If Sterling-

Sterling.

Paige's throat ached and it had nothing to do with the head cold coming on.

He'd looked at her with such blame when he'd realized his mother had  slept with her father, as if it had been her fault. Sure, he'd come  after her and had wanted to talk, but that was just damage control.  Don't tell anyone my mom strayed. He hadn't come after her because he  wanted to make up.         

     



 

She wasn't worth it.

Oh, hell, she wanted to be away from the whole thing, but she felt  depressed and sore and wrong. It was one thing to distance herself from  her father's actions, but when her tuition became part of the equation,  she couldn't escape the sense of responsibility. It galled her to no end  that Evelyn Roy had paid for her schooling.