Arden nodded and stared down at the table. "I guess we could even just be friends for a while."
"Mm-hmm," Travis said, sounding slightly disappointed. "Or, even better, friends who sleep together sometimes."
She looked up and grinned at him then. "I love..." She slammed her mouth shut, her eyes going wide. What was she about to say? She felt terrible as she saw the hope and joy bloom on Travis's face.
"Arden?"
She shook her head. "I don't feel well. I'm going home."
He stood with her and followed her to the door. He put his hand on the doorknob preventing her leaving. "Arden?" he asked again, softly and looking into her eyes deeply. He started to reach for her.
"Don't touch me," she said. "I need to go home." She shoved his hand out of the way and ran out the door, to her car, driving home as fast as she could to get away from him.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
It was Sunday afternoon. Arden was still in her pajamas. She sat on her bed with her knees hugged to her chest watching TV. Well, the TV was on. Her thoughts were elsewhere.
"Since when did my life become so filled with drama?" she asked. Emma was on speakerphone. Her cell sat beside her on the bed.
"Since you met Travis. Everything was smooth sailing before that."
Arden agreed. Smooth sailing. She wanted it back. She found that she didn't care if Nick cheated, just as long as she didn't know about it. But the thought of Travis kissing anybody else or making love to anybody else just made her want to destroy things. With Nick, she wouldn't have any challenges. Life would be just as it always had been. People would take care of her and everything she needed would be laid at her feet. Life with Travis would surely involve not only physical work and cooperation, but also a mental and emotional sacrifice that she wasn't sure she was capable of making.
And yet yesterday had revealed something to her. She couldn't bring herself to think the words, let alone say them. It was too painful and all she wanted was to shed herself of these feelings and go back to the way things were. Sure, she'd be giving up passion and love and all those good things. But she wouldn't have to deal with the flip sides to those emotions. Anger and hate and fear. It was just better the way she had it planned. So she wouldn't think about Travis's inviting embrace or the overwhelmingly enticing prospect of kissing him, let alone making love with him. She would just not think about those things at all.
"You're right," she said to Emma. "Travis is the root cause of all of my problems. So the logical thing to do is to cut him out of the equation."
She heard Emma sigh in frustration.
"No, really. I'm not going to think about him anymore. I'm not going to see him or talk to him. I'll stay in my room, if I have to, until I'm completely past whatever this is that I feel for him."
"Okay, Arden. Lots of luck with that."
There was a knock on her bedroom door. "Gotta go," she said. She pushed the end call button. "Come in," she said.
Nick walked in looking stubbled and bloodshot. Arden wilted inside. She wasn't ready for this. Then again, she probably never would be.
"Arden, I've been trying to give you some space, but you don't answer my calls and I've been worried sick." He came and sat on the edge of her bed.
"Your lover attacked me from out of nowhere. Excuse me if I needed a little time to recover."
Nick closed his eyes. "Whatever she said, Arden, it ended a long time ago." He opened his eyes and took her hand.
"How long ago?" she asked softly.
Nick hesitated.
"Yeah, that's what I thought."
"I don't want to lose you," he said.
She ignored him. "So, I just want to clarify: at some point in time--last week, last month, last year--you did cheat on me?"
Nick hung his head. "It's complicated."
"Do you love her?"
He groaned and pressed his face into his hands.
"It's okay, Nick. It happens. You can be in love with two people at once. The important thing is that you don't screw around on the one you're engaged to."
Nick looked up at her, his eyes red-rimmed. "I'm so sorry, Arden. I was in love with her. I fell in love with her a couple of years ago, during our last breakup. I tried to break things off. I thought she and I could keep being friends."
Arden figured she would deal with any feelings she might have on this matter later. Now was a time for rational discussion. "If you loved her that much, why did you and I get back together?"
"Because we have a history, Arden. Our relationship is so solid. We're supposed to be together."
"Nothing to do with my trust fund, then?" she asked.
Nick turned red and his expression hardened. "I've got my own money, Arden. But even if I didn't, I resent that you think your money has anything to do with my feelings for you."