Shannon and Russell watched the interchange. Russ seemed particularly interested. He looked to Travis for his answer.
Travis clenched his teeth. "So what you're saying is, there's no forgiveness for me. I may as well not even bother trying to make my life better because I'll never be allowed to be happy, is that what you're saying?"
"You insist on making me out to be this cold-hearted bitch."
"How would you feel if the situation were reversed? If I were to pick apart your past and determine your worth in a completely rational manner with no thought whatsoever to your feelings?"
"You're not seeing it from my position, Travis. You want me to spend the rest of my life with you. To raise children with you. Isn't now the right time to be pragmatic? You're an alcoholic." She ticked each item off on her fingers. "You have a terrible temper. And you're completely blind to the faults of your brother, a man I consider to be very dangerous. Not to mention that your ex-wife is living with you, and a baby soon to come. Plus, how much could you possibly be making from the garage? How are you going to support a family on your income?"
"Keep going, Arden, I think there's a little piece of my heart that you haven't stomped on yet."
"This isn't about your heart. It's about my life. You're the one who let your heart get involved. You're the one who keeps pushing me to say these things. I think you're a wonderful man who deserves to be happy. I just don't think I could commit to being with you in such unstable surroundings." Her cheeks were burning and she willed her nerves to cool back down.
Shannon had collected plates and was now tugging on Russell's arm. Russell stared at the space in front of him looking thoroughly depressed.
"Let's give them some privacy," Shannon said. She tugged on Russell's arm again and this time he got up and left with her.
Once they were gone, Arden and Travis stared at the spaces in front of them. "I'm sorry, Travis," Arden said. Her voice was numb and monotone. "I shouldn't have said all of that."
"Why?" he asked, sounding bitter and sad. "It's true, isn't it? It's what you're thinking, right?"
Arden shook her head. Yeah, maybe it was true. But Travis was a good man with strong character. He'd overcome much and was likely to overcome more. Maybe that should be enough for her. Love and proof of character. Maybe she should focus on that instead of the dreadful facts of his life and family surrounding him. "Why do you want me?" she asked.
"I guess if we're judging by your standards--because you're rich, you've lived a sinless life and your parents are good solid citizens."
She looked at him then. He was slumped down in his chair, his eyes glazed over. "Please don't be mean to me, Travis."
Slowly he nodded. "I'm sorry. I feel like shit right now."
"I know," Arden said. "That's why I want to know why you want me. Because I make you feel like shit."
He laughed, then. Then he took a deep breath, exhaled slowly and looked away. "There's no 'why' to love. When we were snowed in together, you were so sweet to me. You listened to me. You took care of me. It got me to imagining what it would be like being married to you. I could picture you pregnant with my baby, a toddler on your hip and a smile on your face. I'd come home from work and you'd rush over to kiss me. We'd have dinner together and afterwards you'd wash dishes while I dried. We'd put the kids to bed and then I'd rub your feet and listen to you talk about your day. We'd take a hot bath together and then go to bed and make love. And it would be that kind of love making that just feels like coming home after being lost for ages." He stared into space, his shoulders slumped. His voice was monotone and quiet. "I'm a fucking idiot. I know that. I tell myself to not get my hopes up...to stop fantasizing about a future that might never happen. I just can't help it. I was fine before I met you, but now I'm so fucking lonely I want to die."
Arden's chest ached. It had been a completely unfamiliar feeling until Travis came along. It spread through her body so that even her skin hurt and she felt the only thing that could relieve the pain was his touch. As he spoke she felt tears sting her eyes. She watched his expression and the vulnerability displayed there. He was a good man. And he loved her.
She took in a shuddering breath. "What..." she started. Then she took another breath. "What would we do? I mean...hypothetically...what would happen if I said I wanted you?"
He looked at her, unbridled hope in his eyes. But thankfully he restrained himself. "Whatever you wanted, Arden. I guess you'd probably want to date for a while. Or we could just skip all that and get married. Or live together. Anything."