She jumped, startled that he would raise his voice to her. She turned and left without saying another word.
It occurred to her, going home, that that had been her first time in his house. It was a nice house. Not at all dumpy like she'd expected. His front porch looked new. It was covered and went almost the length of the house. She remembered it had smelled like vanilla in there and that she had seen a jar candle burning on the TV cabinet...one of those jar candles that the little Bible school kids sold to raise money for their class activities. She pictured some little girl in pigtails going up to the big, hulking Travis and asking if he wanted to buy a candle from her. She smiled at the thought.
Then a swell of emotion knotted up in her chest. She didn't want to cry and so she drove to Nick's house. At least there, she would be forced to hold herself together.
Dustin got home after a wonderful date with Emma. They'd gone to dinner and a movie and after that, back up to the lookout. He was finding it fairly easy to control himself around her. He just shut off that part of his brain that tended to fantasize about all the fun stuff he wanted to do to her. She let him hold her hand and put his arm over her shoulders. Even kiss her on the cheek. And all of those things were harmless. Maybe he would be able to handle this celibacy thing after all.
He went inside and found Tonya on the couch with her feet propped on the coffee table watching TV. Dustin sighed. They needed to get this woman out of their lives.
"Travis go to bed?" Dustin asked as he hung his coat on the hook by the door and slid his shoes off.
"No. Bathroom. Been in there for a really long time, though." Tonya kept her eyes trained on the television.
"How long?"
"'Bout an hour I guess."
"Shit," Dustin murmured. He racked his brain trying to remember if there was anything in there that could do any damage. No cough syrup or cold medicine. But there was rubbing alcohol. And mouthwash. Damn it, why was there mouthwash. Dustin kicked himself mentally for having been so lax lately.
He marched to the bathroom and pounded on the door. "Let me in, Travis!"
There was no answer.
He pounded harder. "Travis, open up or I'm breaking the door down."
The door swung open and Dustin found himself staring up into the angry eyes of his big brother. "There's another goddamn bathroom for Christ's sake," Travis growled.
Dustin shoved past him and went through the medicine cabinet. Everything seemed to be where it was supposed to. There were some household cleaners in the cabinet under the sink. Dustin opened it up and checked, relieved to find that everything was where it belonged.
"Are you ill?" Travis asked.
Dustin turned on him. "What were you doing in here for an hour?"
Travis stood staring at him with hate-filled eyes. He was in sweats and a wife-beater, his well-muscled arms flexed for a fight. "I wasn't in here for an hour. What's the problem, Dustin?"
Dustin searched his eyes and decided he was telling the truth.
"What did you think...I was gonna get drunk on...Lysol or something? Jesus!" Travis turned and shoved his hands in his hair.
"I didn't know what to think. Is everything okay?"
"Everything's fine. Look, I appreciate the concern, Dustin. But you don't have to mother me anymore. I know it was rough in the beginning, but I'm five years sober in January. I think you can relax now." Travis went into his room.
Dustin followed and stood in the doorway. "What's wrong, Travis?"
He sat on the edge of his bed, his elbows resting on his knees. "Sometimes I feel real good about myself. Real happy with my life. And sometimes all I see is failure."
"You've been under a lot of stress with Duane and now Tonya being here. I know you gotta help her, Travis. And I know you gotta help Duane. It's just who you are. But you can't put the blame for their misfortunes on your own shoulders. Do what you can for them. And then you can sleep at night with a clear conscience."
"It's not that." He shook his head. "It's not entirely that. I do feel responsible. But I know how much work it's taken to pull myself up from rock bottom and I'm proud of that. And I think, maybe it's time I start seeing some rewards from it, you know? Maybe now I can find a nice woman and settle down and have a couple dozen kids and just sit back and enjoy life."
"This is the first time I've heard you mention wanting to settle down. I guess that has something to do with Miss High-and-Mighty."
"Why don't you like her?"
"Why don't..." Dustin stopped and took a breath. "She's selfish. She's spoiled. She's cruel. And she's clearly done a number on you. Frankly, Travis, if that's what this is about then I don't have the patience for it. You're too good for her. Quit mooning over her like a teenage boy and get on with your life. If you're going to put effort into a woman, you should work on Kristen."