“Darling, I was in the middle of a very important meeting.” His irritation at her summoning him and insisting that she see him immediately was apparent. “I confess to a certain confusion. I fail to see the urgency you intimated.”
“I apologize, Helmut. But I didn’t want to postpone this meeting any longer.” She led him up the stairs to her apartment and switched on the lamps in the living room. She offered him a chair and sat down on the sofa.
“Helmut, I’m not going to marry you.”
There. She had said it. It hadn’t been so difficult. There was no resultant pain. Why had she not said it before? He wasn’t threatening her with reprisals. He wasn’t shouting deprecations. In fact, he wasn’t doing anything but staring at her blankly, as if she had suddenly lost her faculties.
When he recovered from the shocking statement, he leaned forward in his chair and searched her face for signs of mental imbalance. “My dear, you’re unwell. Surely you can’t mean what you just said. You’re not thinking clearly. Maybe—”
“I’m quite well, Helmut. Actually, I feel better than I have in a long time. I meant what I said. I’m not going to marry you.”
His managerial training took over and he relaxed once more against the back of his chair. He crossed one ankle over the opposite knee. “I’ve noticed a change in you since the night you were trapped on the mountain in the storm. It was a stressful experience. Perhaps you were traumatized by it. These things happen, you know. I think, given time, you’ll be restored to your normally healthy outlook and will start thinking rationally again.”
He was so self-confident that Jordan smiled fondly. She shook her head. “No, Helmut. I had decided not to marry you long before then. Time won’t change my mind.”
He was quiet for long moments, weighing the firm conviction in her voice, watching her unwavering expression. “But why, darling?” he asked at last.
“Helmut, I have a deep affection for you. We’ve shared some happy times. I’ll never be able to thank you for your unlimited generosity, nor will I ever forget your many kindnesses.” She got up and walked around the end of the couch. Her fingers examined the piping around the cushions as she said, “But I don’t love you in the way a wife should love a husband. A marriage without love would be unfair to both of us. We are miles apart in our backgrounds, literally and figuratively. I would never fit into your world.”
“Let me be the judge of that, Jordan,” he said.
She smiled. “I don’t doubt your acumen for making executive decisions, Helmut, but this is a decision of the heart. Of emotions. I’m not an employee that you can groom for a certain position in your conglomerate.”
“Is that the impression I give you? I’m sorry. I never intended to make you feel as though I were molding you into something you weren’t.”
“Which brings me to the next point,” she said. “Perhaps right now you do find me diverting. I’m not like the many other women you’ve paid court to. But how long would the novelty last? When would you grow tired of me?”
“I love you the way you are, Jordan.”
“For life?” Her question hit home. He looked away quickly and she knew that her words had caused him to think of her as he never had before. “I had one disastrous marriage. That was enough. I wouldn’t want to ever make you unhappy.”
“You wouldn’t,” he said adamantly.
“I would, Helmut. I want tranquillity. My former husband promised me a home and children, stability, security. He never delivered. And while your means and abilities far surpass his, I would soon tire of your hectic pace. I’m an old-fashioned American girl with Midwest ideas ingrained into me. I’ve loved every minute I’ve lived abroad, Helmut, and I wouldn’t trade the experience, but I want to go home. Please forgive me if this disappoints you. It’s for the best. I promise you.”
“Why did you ever accept my proposal if you felt it weren’t for the best?” he asked with just a trace of aristocratic hauteur.
“Did I ever accept? Officially?” she teased.
For the first time, he smiled. It was a rueful grin. “I guess you didn’t. I’m accustomed to getting my way.” With customary conceit he added, “It never occurred to me that you might not want to marry me.”
She laughed. “Helmut, you’re priceless.” She took the velvet ring box out of her skirt pocket and went to the place where he was now standing beside the chair. “Here is your ring.”
“I don’t suppose you’d consider keeping it as a token of my esteem.” Jordan smiled, but shook her head no. “You Americans! You’re still Puritans,” he scoffed, but affectionately.