“Jill, let me—”
“And Ray was the dealer. He didn’t have a car accident, did he?”
Meredith’s throat squeezed to a centimeter at the pain in Jill’s voice.
“Dammit, don’t keep this from me! Jemma was my best friend! Losing her cut a hole in me.” She put her hand to her heart. “You have to tell me. Please!”
“Jill, I can’t.”
“How dare you keep this from me?” She grabbed her stomach.
“Jill, it’s not—”
“Don’t lie to me!”
“It’s not safe to tell you any of this.” Meredith thought of what had happened with Peggy and Keith. “I promise I’ll tell you everything once this is over.”
“No, you’ll fucking tell me now.”
Her sister rarely used the f-bomb. “I have to talk to Grandpa.”
“Oh, God, he kept this from me too?”
“Jill, he didn’t mean—”
“If you don’t tell me, you’re not my sister anymore.”
Meredith sucked in a breath. “You don’t mean that.”
Lifting her chin, eyes gleaming from tears, Jill said, “I do.”
The utter flatness in her voice made Meredith clench her arms protectively around herself. To lose Tanner had been horrible enough, but Jill? She couldn’t lose her sister.
“Okay, but you have to keep this quiet.”
She proceeded to tell her everything they knew. Jill curled forward like a roly poly bug as she spoke.
“We’re going to get them,” Meredith said, trying to offer her sister some comfort. “I promise.”
Silence yawned between them. Jill finally sat up and wiped her nose with her sleeve. Her shaking hand grasped a photo—in it, she and Jemma were wrapped around each other at high school graduation, huge smiles on their faces. “How could you have kept this from me? You know what she meant to me!”
“I’m sorry.”
Jill stood up and walked into the kitchen without a backwards glance. Meredith followed, the distance between them growing.
“I want you to stay at Mom and Dad’s or Grandpa’s place for a while,” she uttered in a stranger’s voice.
“Jill!”
“I need some time.” She swiped a hand under her nose. “You lied about my best friend’s death. I can forgive a lot of things, but that…”
Meredith took a step forward. The floor squeaked beneath her feet. “Jill, please.”
Her sister turned her back to her, reaching for a glass of water. “I mean it, Meredith. Please. I’m going to bawl my eyes out in a minute. I want to be alone.”
She wasn’t the only one. Sobs clawed at Meredith’s throat, but she forced herself to spin around and walk out of the kitchen. She packed quickly, listening for Jill’s footsteps. Surely she’d change her mind.
She didn’t.
Jill was still in the kitchen when she returned. “I’m so sorry, Jillie.” Had she completely destroyed their relationship? “I love you,” she whispered.
Jill’s back muscles clenched, but she didn’t turn around.
Meredith cried softly and left. The bitter wind touched her face as her feet moved like leaden pegs, one in front of the other.
She was alone again.
She had been betrayed by Tanner, and now she was her sister’s betrayer.
How could she ever recover?
She walked to her car with no answers, and broke a nail while trying to open the door. When she collapsed into the driver’s seat, the sobs started.
You’re stronger than this, Divorcée Woman said sternly.
Meredith pulled on her hair. Great, she was still hearing voices. Perhaps she should simply check herself into a mental institution. At least they’d keep her medicated.
God, what was she going to do?
She put the car in gear and headed to her parent’s house. She needed some time alone, a place to hide where she could cry as loud as she had to. She’d call her grandpa in the morning. He’d be able to think about all of this more clearly. Hell, he could deal with Asshole Tanner.
She wanted to be angry, but she couldn’t muster the energy. Her tears had smothered the flames.
Perhaps there was something wrong with her. How else could she explain why the men she loved didn’t love her back?
As she drove across town, she asked the darkest question of all.
Was Meredith Hale simply unlovable?
Chapter 46
His mind racing too much for sleep, Tanner opened his eyes and stared at the dying fire. Peggy and Keith had made it safely home, thank God. He tried to focus on the one thing that had gone right tonight.
Hugo stirred on the floor beside him, his ears twitching.
After stripping the bed upstairs, he’d cocooned himself in the den. Her scent—their scent—permeated his bedroom. Even down here, he caught a whiff of her, something floral and fresh and all Meredith. He rubbed his chest. Guilt, fear, and hurt clamped down on his heart like forceps.