Nora Roberts Land(106)
The slap of his voice made her put one foot in front of the other. At the doorway, she turned to him one last time. His eyes looked like obsidian. How had she ever compared them to melted chocolate? His sneer snapped her control.
“You son of a bitch!” His chest was as solid as concrete when she shoved her hands against it. “I fell in love with you.”
She charged out of the bedroom and ran down the stairs to the front door. After fumbling to start her car, she started crying as Hugo raced after her, his barks punctuating the silence of the driveway. The left section of her chest felt like someone had cut her open and drew out her insides.
Coming back here had changed nothing. All it had done was give her another broken heart.
But the old Meredith couldn’t have faced him down and asked him why, Divorcée Woman finally said.
Meredith pressed her lips together to keep herself from screaming at her alter ego like some crazy person. Divorcée Woman had let her down.
Worse, she’d let herself down—again.
She yanked up her red shirt to tear off her bustier, only to realize she’d forgotten to put it back on. Tanner could take that memento and shove it up his lying ass.
Wearing La Perla hadn’t changed anything either. The whole idea of Divorcée Woman seemed so stupid now. She’d been crazy to have conversations with her alter ego.
Had she been so desperate for confidence after the divorce that she’d lost her mind?
With that thought came a more menacing realization, one she knew would keep her awake at night.
How could she have thought he was different?
***
Tanner gripped the door to keep from following Meredith. His stomach seized. He ran to the bathroom and vomited. Spent, he laid his head on the floor. He hadn’t gotten sick for a while. Not since the massacre in that village in Swat Valley.
Oh, God, what had he done?
He pushed himself upright and wiped his face with a towel. Studied himself in the mirror. He threw the cloth at his reflection and stalked out.
He had done what he needed to do. If this horrible scene had saved her life, it was worth it.
When she’d asked him about Sommerville’s text, he’d braced himself to tell her the truth, ready to make things right. But then he’d thought about Peg, and something inside of him had clicked. He’d realized how easy it would be to use the story of his association with Sommerville to make her walk away.
Meredith wasn’t the type to give up without thinking that all was lost.
He wouldn’t risk her life. He’d protect her at all costs.
The sacrifice burned his skin like a funeral pyre. He’d done difficult things before, but right now, reporting on Bosnian war crimes seemed like a piece of cake compared to lying to the woman he loved. Nobility was overrated, and it hurt like hell.
He could explain his real motivations to her later. He wasn’t sure she’d forgive him for the things he’d said, but when this was safely behind them, he’d ask her to just the same. Have Peg talk to her if need be. The faster he pulled the evidence together and got Kenny and Barlow in jail, the faster he could resolve things with Meredith.
He wove in place, his throat burning with bile.
When he walked out of the bathroom, he saw her black bustier lying on the floor. The symbol of her newfound confidence seemed flimsy now. He traced the initials DW. Christ, he’d needed to hit her with words like a sledge hammer to make her walk away.
He prayed it would be enough.
His gamble to keep her safe needed to pay off.
Then he was going to find a way to undo what he’d done.
Convincing her he really loved her might be the toughest assignment he’d ever had.
Chapter 45
Abba’s seductive melody had never sounded more welcoming to Meredith as she opened the door to Jill’s house. Her tears picked up, and her numb fingers dropped her purse.
“Mere? Is that you?” Jill called. “I wasn’t expecting you back until morning.”
She traced the wall to stay upright as she staggered into the family room. Sandalwood incense trailed toward the ceiling like a slithering coil. Jill snapped her book shut and jumped up.
“Why do you still have your coat on? What happened? Tanner?”
Meredith nodded, sobs pushing up her throat. Jill’s bear hug gave her permission to let go. Her body shook, her face hot and wet with tears. When she couldn’t breathe, she angled back and wiped away the wetness on Jill’s shoulder.
“I’m sorry. I’m soaking you.”
“It’s okay. Just cry it out.”
She did. A long time later, when she finally felt emptied and hollowed out, she pulled away from Jill and fumbled over to the coffee table for a Kleenex. Her head buzzed. She fell back against the couch, feeling completely spent.