Her mouth snapped open, but then she shut it. How could she refute what was so patently true?
For a moment she let herself contemplate how far she had come in her life. She saw all the hard work and self-discipline that had been necessary for her to become the woman she’d wanted to be. As if from a distance, she viewed who she was and found she liked what she saw. Why had it taken her so long to accept herself? Jim was right. How could she have expected him to respect her when she didn’t? In her mind that accounted for more than one percent of the blame, and she told Jim so.
He shrugged. “I guess I don’t much care what the number is.” He picked up her hand, which rested on her thigh, and ran his thumb along the ragged edge of one of her fingernails, then up over the ridge of her wedding band. He didn’t look at her, and his voice held a soft, gravelly note that was filled with emotion. “My wife is so much a part of me, she’s like the breath coming into my body. I love her very much.”
His simple, emotion-filled statement shook her, and her words snagged in her throat. “She’s very lucky.”
He lifted his head and gazed at her. She recognized the moisture gathering in the corners of his eyes as tears. In thirty-seven years, she had never once seen her husband cry, not even the day they’d buried Cherry and Jamie.
“Jim . . .” She slipped into his arms and found that old familiar place that God had created just for her out of Jim’s bone and muscle and flesh. Feelings she couldn’t express choked her, making her brain fuzzy, so that the next words she spoke weren’t what she’d intended at all. “You should know I don’t sleep with men on the first date.”
“Is that so?” His voice was husky.
“It’s because I started having sex when I was too young.” She drew away from him, looked down into her lap. “I didn’t want to, but I loved him so much that I didn’t know how to say no.”
She glanced up to see how he’d taken her statement. She didn’t want to throw more guilt in his face; she merely needed him to understand how it had been.
His smile held a hint of sadness, and he brushed the corner of her mouth with his thumb. “Did it turn you against sex for life?”
“Oh, no. I was blessed with a wonderful lover. Maybe a little clumsy when he got started, but it didn’t take him long to get it right.” She smiled.
“I’m glad to hear that.” His thumb trailed over her bottom lip. “You should know right now that I don’t have a lot of sexual experience. I’ve only been with one woman.”
“That’s nice.”
He pushed her hair back from her face on one side with his fingers. “Did anybody ever tell you you’re beautiful? A lot messier than my wife but still a traffic-stopper.”
She laughed. “I couldn’t stop traffic if I had a red light in the middle of my forehead.”
“That just goes to show what you know.” He took her hand and drew her to her feet. As his head dipped, she realized he was going to kiss her.
The brush of his lips was gentle and familiar. He kept his body away from hers so only their mouths touched, along with their hands, which were linked at their sides. Their kiss quickly lost its gentleness and grew urgent with passion. It had been so long for them, and there was so much they needed to express that lay beyond words. But she loved his courtship and wanted more time.
He drew back as if he understood and regarded her with glazed eyes. “I—I have to get back to my office. I’m already going to be late for my afternoon appointments. And when we make love, I don’t want to be rushed.”
She felt heavy-limbed and wobbly with anticipation. She tucked her hand in his as they moved back to the path.
“When you come over for dinner, maybe we’ll have some time to talk, and you can tell me about your work.”
A smile of pure pleasure lit his face. “I’d like that.”
She realized that she couldn’t remember the last time she’d asked him anything beyond a cursory, “How was your day?” This business of listening to each other was going to have to go both ways.
His smile faded, and his forehead creased. “I don’t suppose I could bring my son along when I come to dinner?”
She hesitated for only a moment before she shook her head. “I’m sorry. My mother wouldn’t allow it.”
“Aren’t you a little old to be taking orders from your mother?”
“Sometimes she has a feeling about how things should go. Right now, she has feelings about who should come to the house and who shouldn’t.”
“And my son isn’t welcome?”