"Really?" Bella's nose scrunched. "Are you sure?"
Teagan pressed her lips together. "You can ask him. But he chose his costume."
They trotted again, conversing with their heads together, then dropped back again. Bella asked, "What are you going to be next year? A princess?"
"I'm not sure."
"You should be. And he could be a prince."
Will nodded, swinging his bag of candy. "Because they go together."
"I don't know. We'll see."
Bella tossed her head back and scowled, but then ran after a handful of thrown candy. Will gave Teagan a placating grin. "That wasn't what she thought you'd say."
"I could tell," she laughed.
"But we can still make it work."
Teagan had no idea what they were talking about. "All right, baby. You do that. Go have fun."
Whatever Bella had in mind, Teagan had a feeling that it had to do with her favorite movie prince and princess that kissed at the end. "Very cute."
Noah walked back over, eyeing her. "Did I just see you talking to yourself."
"Bella has our costumes picked for next year. We're matching."
He chuckled. "I can't wait."
"I bet." She nodded to the direction he'd come from. "What was that all about?"
"Eagle's Ridge PD had a report of suspicious activity in your neighborhood, and they went to check it out."
"Really?" Someone else had their shed shredded?
He shifted his helmet from one arm to the other and tucked her under his arm. "Someone parked a van a block away from your house and it ‘didn't look right' according to a neighbor. So they parked a car on your street for a while. Nothing came of it."
"The wild crime in Eagle's Ridge."
"Nothing to complain about," Noah said.
"That's the truth." Perfect place to raise a family and live their lives. Everything was easy-or would be. She'd convinced Noah to spend time at Lainey's grave, and that would be heart wrenching. But after that, if they could all survive that, they could do anything.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
The old cemetery wasn't old by East Coast standards. Still, Noah pulled down the winding road with his wrist draped over the steering wheel as though he hadn't a concern. He couldn't help being glad that Teagan sat shotgun.
His mom had told him that Bella would do fine. His dad said the same thing but not in so many words. Taking Bella to Lainey's gravesite wasn't Noah's concern. He hadn't been there since the funeral. He was the concern.
It was more than the weight of losing the woman who might as well have been his sister. They had been raised just as his mom and uncle were, as twins. At times, when Noah and Lainey were kids, they'd believed that they defied logic and science and were also somehow twins.
The small church served most everyone in the community, and they passed it, rolling by on their way to the church's lot. He pulled the dually truck into an unmarked space and shifted into Park. Both kids were unusually quiet, and the slide of the gearshift clicked loudly in the cab. Noah sighed, resting his elbow on the center console. Teagan cupped her hand over his in the silence.
"Are we ready to go see them now?" Bella asked from the backseat, sounding more chipper than sad.
He honestly didn't expect it to be this hard. Not trusting his voice, he nodded, and Teagan squeezed his hand, opening her door first.
"Of course, sweet pea. Let's get you guys unbuckled."
Her door shut, and she let both kids out of their restraints. Then they burst, if not respectfully, toward where Lainey and her husband lay buried. Noah hadn't even unbuckled.
Teagan ducked her head through the door that the kids had exited. "Doing okay?"
He held her eyes but shook his head. "This isn't fair for them."
Teagan shut the kids' door and walked to his but didn't open it, standing there until he opened it himself. When Noah pushed out, he eased his arm over her shoulder. She tucked against the crook of his arm and hooked a thumb into his belt loop.
They followed the trail that the kids had made, passing row after row of pristine gravesites scattered with flowers and flags, many traditional stones, and others adorned with crosses and testaments to patriotic duty.
They summited a small hill to see both kids cross-legged in front of the Force plots. Bella's little mouth and hands were moving a mile a minute, as though she were explaining to her parents everything that had gone on since she last saw them. Will ran his hands over the grass beside her while she did. Noah expected Bella to sob, but instead it was more like a regularly scheduled update with her mom. His throat burned as he tried to understand.
"Bella's doing very well. Considering," Teagan said quietly.
"Yeah, she is. But I don't get it. Why that little ladybug has to go without Lainey and Davis. I'd be shattered."
"She is." Teagan paused. "And in our own ways, we are too. But we take those devastated pieces, patch them together, and you'll see life's a mosaic. It's not fair. It's unforgiving. It steals the unflawed and the innocent, but we can take what's broken and build a beautiful life that we never saw coming and, now, can't live without."
There were times over his military career when his team had lost men and women who didn't deserve their fate. Families were robbed of their loved ones and their future full of memories. Noah wished he could go back in time and share Teagan's words with them. How did one woman comprehend what he had felt many times before but been unable to name or understand? He still didn't understand but maybe was inching toward acceptance.
"I'm really glad you're here." He clung to Teagan's hand as they proceeded closer.
Bella was finished with her enthusiastic conversation, and after a couple of giggling glances at Noah and Teagan's handholding, both kids settled into a secretive conversation, lying on their stomachs until they rolled onto their backs and stared at the clouds.
What was he supposed to do at a gravesite? Noah had never understood that. At least, he didn't know what someone was supposed to do there for extended periods of time. If there had been a fallen SEAL or anyone he'd fought alongside, he had lowered his head and said a few words. That he would continue their fight and protect their loved ones. That their effort was not for a lost cause and their death had a purpose.
He didn't understand Lainey's death. That death had a purpose that eluded him.
"Look!" Will pointed toward the sky. "A shooting star!"
"Where? Where?" Bella searched frantically.
"Right there." Will pointed.
"That's an airplane. It's too slow."
"No it's not," Will snapped.
"Quick, make the wish, make the wish!"
"I'm making the wish!"
"Will, Bella," Teagan hushed them. "Too loud. Take it down a couple notches."
Noah had to laugh at Bella and Will's frenetic wish making, despite Teagan shushing them. Maybe that passing airplane was Lainey intervening with a moment of laughter and love because she wouldn't want him spiraling into depression over her death, not that Noah listened very well.
He scrubbed his hands over his face. He never listened. Not back in high school when Noah got into a fight with Jack, after Noah assumed his buddy had dumped Lainey. Nope, she'd dumped him. And he didn't listen when she said she was dying. Noah's first response had been denial as he kept looking into cancer treatment options that her medical team hadn't thought about.
He made a mental note to drop Jack a phone call. Jack hadn't turned up for Lainey's funeral, and that had thrown Noah for a loop. He wasn't sure how to feel about Jack.
"Everything okay?" Her slight eyebrow lift indicated that her concern was far greater than the delicate wording of her question.
"Just thinking about an old friend of Lainey's." Noah cleared his throat. "And in general, how I wanted to protect her from everything, and in the end couldn't … From anything."
"You've seen worse than I have." Teagan leaned against him. "With life and loss. Devastation. So you know life's not fair."
His throat continued to tighten, and his eyes burned. He shut them and faced the sun. "Yup."
"No one lives to the last chapter of their book like we want them to. But her book didn't end, because it's a story. Bella's living it. You're living it."
Eyes still closed, he squeezed Teagan's hand in silence.
"Everything hurts because you're paging through the past right now. Which you should do." She squeezed back then relaxed. "But you're wishing there were more of Lainey in the next pages without realizing that there absolutely is."
He glanced down, his gaze sun-bleached. "How so?"
"Grieve, Noah, because grief never goes away until it's ready, but treat it like unspent love that's collecting in the form of pain and unshed tears. You're keeping it to yourself, but whether you realize it or not, you've found a way to lavish that in the form of love on that little girl who feels the same way you do."