He half expected a choking sensation to seize his throat at the mere implication of her needing him for more than sex. Instead, contentment washed over him as surely as her soft body draping over his.
He took a steadying breath and forced the words out. “I need you, too.”
They sat for a long time in silence, but it wasn’t awkward. Holding her like this felt as natural as breathing. He only wondered why he hadn’t made a move on her before, back before they’d had the drama of a fake relationship and too many lies between them.
Oh yeah, because they were complete polar opposites—who somehow found a way to meet in the middle when it mattered most.
“I went to see my mother today,” she finally said.
He remembered Victoria had said she’d seen her mother after she’d left the family, but he didn’t know how often. “She’s nearby?”
“Yes. She’s in Rillings.”
Rillings. The name sounded vaguely familiar, but he couldn’t place it. “Okay.” She trembled and he drew her closer, willing some of his warmth to transfer to her. Times like this, he realized how delicate she was.
She lifted her gaze to his. “It’s a group facility for people with mental problems.”
And then she reminded him of her strength. More than he’d ever guessed.
“She’s got severe bipolar disorder and suicidal tendencies, among other issues. When she’s not in a phase, she’s fine. The life of every party, the center of every crowd. But when she crashes…” She shut her eyes. “It’s a chemical imbalance, often inherited.”
She conveyed her fear about that with merely a long, steady glance. “Have you been evaluated?”
“I’ve talked to a psychologist. He thinks I’m stable enough.” She laughed weakly. “She’d been fine for years and she thought she was ‘cured.’ Then after she left us, everything started piling up. She couldn’t find steady work, and she felt guilty—”
“As she should have,” he interjected, his hold on her tightening. “She abandoned her goddamn family.”
He knew all too well what it felt like to be left behind, and he’d had people to fill the void. From the sounds of things, she hadn’t. Not nearly enough.
“She knows she made mistakes,” she whispered, looking down as if those mistakes were somehow hers. As if they were her fault.
“Melinda and Bryan aren’t bipolar, are they?”
“They haven’t been evaluated. They don’t even know she is.”
“Do they know you see her?”
Again she shook her head. “No one knows, except you.”
He ran his fingertips down the side of her face, lifting it gently. “How long, Vic? How long have you been shouldering this alone?”
“For years,” she said, and he had to shut his eyes at the pain in her voice. God. What she’d gone through, all on her own. And he’d been griping at her about window treatments and magazine layouts while she’d been trying so hard to take care of the people she cared about. Her mother, Bryan, Melly, Jill.
Even him. Why else had she agreed to be his fake girlfriend when he knew down to the ground that it went against everything she stood for? She’d had her own reputation to think about after the gazebo incident, but that had been a relatively small concern. Talk would die down. But she’d wanted to help him. Lord knows why.
He wanted to beg her to give them a chance. A real one. He didn’t have the first idea how to make a relationship work, but maybe she could give him time to learn.
So many maybes. With every risk grew the likelihood of failure. And he didn’t fail. Ever.
She swiped moisture off her chin. “It hasn’t all been bad. She gets better, and those times are really good.”
“But it’s bad now,” he said gently, wiping away her fresh flood of tears. Each one twisted his stomach.
“Yes.” She rested her head on his shoulder and let out a shuddery breath. “I didn’t hear from her until several years ago. It was only when she went in the hospital the first time that she wrote to me as part of her therapy. She called the same day I received the letter. I was the closest one to her, her baby, and she told me she’d always loved me best. It sounds horrible, but God, I needed to hear that. Bryan and Melly got everyone else’s attention, and I wanted her all to myself. I’d missed her so much.”
“She manipulated you, because she knew you had a soft heart.” Though he’d done the same damn thing, so how was he any better?
“No, it’s not all on her. It’s my fault it’s gone on this long. I tried to tell Bry once, and he just shut me down. He’s had so many issues himself with his injury and God knows Mom’s not the way he remembers her. I didn’t want to add this to all he’s dealing with already. So when he asked me not to talk about her, I gave in. Same thing with Melly. They both think I just want to drive down memory lane and I didn’t push hard enough. I should’ve made them listen to me.”