ALEX
“I should probably move out.” Alex sat with her knees tucked into her chest on a chair across from Nat’s desk.
“Has seeing Rita fried your brain, Pizza? Because all of a sudden you don’t seem capable of making rational decisions anymore.” Nat looked shaken. Her skin was pale and her eyelids sagged over her blue eyes.
“All I was asking for was some time to figure things out—”
“You told a woman who loves you that you love someone else, Alex. No one wants to hear that. No one.”
“I was being honest.”
“Yeah well, sometimes a little white lie goes a long way if it keeps you from breaking someone’s heart.” Nat pinched the bridge of her nose. “I told you not to make any rash decisions, and what do you do first thing in the morning? Before the crack of fucking dawn…and for what? For that two-timing bitch who hurt you so much you couldn’t get out of bed for days? Do you remember? Because I certainly do.”
Alex rocked back and forth in her chair, hoping it would lull her into oblivion. She wasn’t expecting a pat on the back, but a little compassion would have been nice. Isabella had been right. They had all become too entangled.
“It’s not as if I’m going back to her. I will never forget what Rita did and I will most likely never forgive her, but stop reducing her to just that. We were together for six years and they were the six happiest years of my life.”
“I know, Pizza, I know.” Nat got up out of her chair. “But that’s over now. There was no need to sacrifice a perfectly good thing just for the memory of it.” She walked towards Alex and planted her hands on her shoulders. “I wish I could shake the righteousness out of you sometimes. It would make everyone’s life a lot easier.” Nat opened her arms and pressed Alex’s head against her belly. “You did what you had to do, but I believe you made a terrible mistake.”
“I can’t just ignore how I feel. That wouldn’t be right.” Alex buried her nose in Nat’s crumpled t-shirt.
“And heaven forbid something feels not right in the perfect world of Alessandra Pozzato.”
“When has my life ever been perfect?”
“That’s just it, Pizza. Life is never perfect, but you always try to be. It’s about time you gave that up and started slumming with the rest of us.”
Alex freed herself from Nat’s hug. “Do you want to go somewhere? Just for a few days. Phuket or Samui? Somewhere as close to perfect as possible.”
“You can run, but you can’t hide, Pizza. And if you have any feelings for Maddie at all, I strongly urge you to make it right as soon as possible.”
* * *
Ever since they’d met, Maddie had made it a point to make it to Alex’s Friday evening seven-thirty body combat class. Often barging in late, elbowing her way to the front—a dangerous thing to do in a room full of people punching the air—with a wide smile etched across her face. It was how they started their weekend, together and all the happier for it.
It was odd not to see her focused face, to not be able to shoot Maddie a quick wink in between tracks and dream about how her blue-grey eyes would stare into her own later, after a shower and a quick meal. Isabella and Nat kicked side to side and the fact they were there made Maddie’s absence sting even more.
Alex kept glancing at the door, hoping, in vain, for one of Maddie’s late arrivals. For a sign she’d not completely given up on her—on them. But what could she possibly have expected? That Maddie would just sit back and take it? That she would understand that Alex needed some time on her own to heal from the kick in the stomach seeing Rita again had delivered? Maybe she had made a mistake, but what other choice did she have? She could hardly crawl into bed with Maddie while her head was filled to the brim with memories of Rita.
On automatic pilot, Alex made it through class. Nat and Isabella waited for her outside the studio. They walked to the locker room in silence because there wasn’t much that could be said.
Tears rushed to Alex’s eyes when she hit the shower. Maddie always took the cubicle across from her, leaving the door ajar—against all gym regulations. Obviously Maddie had construed Alex’s state of distress this morning as a sign she didn’t love her enough. At the time, Maddie’s assessment might not even have been that far off because Alex had barely held it together. She’d gone to Maddie’s without thinking anything through, her mind in shambles and her heart in ruins. But whatever it was she had meant to say, it certainly wasn’t that she suddenly didn’t love Maddie anymore.