Alex entered the flat without saying anything. Only yesterday morning they had been fine. Maddie had kissed Alex goodbye while she snoozed a while longer in her bed. Maddie hadn’t seen Alex since, but the vibe between them couldn’t be more different.
“Let me quickly put something on.” It felt wrong to receive whatever news Alex was about to deliver so scantily clad. Maddie rushed to her bedroom and slipped into a lying-around pair of jeans and a hoodie. Before heading back into the living room, she took a deep breath, tears already working their way up to her eyes.
“Do you want some tea?” Bringing water to the boil would give Maddie another few minutes of respite. Alex’s demeanour was enough of a giveaway. She sat in the couch like a bird with its wings torn out. Defeated and no sign of hope in her eyes.
“No.” Alex shook her head. “Please, sit down for a minute.”
Maddie chose the arm chair across from Alex. What on earth had happened in the last twenty-four hours? Alex was a mere shadow of the cheerful bundle of energy she usually was. Her hair was uncombed and even her muscles—always so divine-looking—seemed less toned.
“I’m sorry about going AWOL last night.” Alex breathed in deeply, as if calming her nerves. It didn’t stop her hands from shaking. She looked up and closed her eyes for an instant. “Rita contacted me about a week ago. I tried to ignore it, but…I couldn’t. I had to see her. I should have told you, I know that, but I had no idea it would be like this.”
Maddie let her body sag into the soft cushions of the chair. She braced herself for what was coming next.
“When I found out about her and Peggy, I was in pieces. And then you came along and it was simply wonderful. I happily fell in love with you because it allowed me to ignore all the pain she had caused me. I used you to feel good about myself again. To my surprise, it worked.” Alex looked away. “Until last night.” She swallowed and bit her lip. “There’s no easy way to say this.”
Maddie’s entire body started trembling, agony rattling her. She was forty but she hadn’t been on the receiving end of a break-up often. This one was about to knock her sideways.
“Are you going back to her?” Her voice sounded icy, exactly the way she wanted it to sound.
“Heavens no.” Alex shook her head. “Never.” She slid to the edge of her seat. “I guess I just need some time. I have all these emotions coming at me, things I haven’t dealt with. Issues I pushed aside the second you came along.”
“But you still love her.”
Alex sighed and gave a curt nod of the head. “I don’t want us to split up. Not like this. You mean too much to me. I just…” Alex massaged her forehead with her fingertips. “Aargh, this is exactly the kind of lesbian I never wanted to be. The one who overcomplicates things and doesn’t seem to be able to make up her mind.” She looked up again. “I don’t want to string you along and I want to be honest with you. Seeing Rita was a punch in the gut. Like the universe asking me what the hell I was playing at.”
“Let me stop you right there.” Maddie had enough of Alex going around in circles. “From where I’m sitting, it’s really simple.” Her heart thundered in her chest. “Either you want to be with me or you don’t. There is no in between.”
“That’s what I’m trying to say. It’s not so simple. It’s—”
Maddie cut her off again. “It is to me. You’re not over your ex. You’re not ready for this relationship. I get it.” Maddie tried hard to swallow back the onslaught of tears prickling her eyelids. “Don’t forget to return your key.”
“It doesn’t have to be like this. We can talk about it.”
“No, we can’t. There’s nothing left to say.” Maddie fidgeted with her fingers to keep them from shaking too much. “I’d like you to go now, please.” She shot Alex one last glare.
“I don’t have my key on me. I’ll give it to Isabella.” Alex rose from the sofa and the thought of her leaving, of her exiting the flat for good, caused Maddie’s stomach to contract painfully.
Maddie looked the other way, out of the window with the spectacular view. She didn’t watch as Alex made her way to the door and closed it behind her with the gentlest of thuds. She waited until she heard the bell of the elevator before bursting into tears and burying her face in her hands, soaking the hoodie—which turned out to belong to Alex—and staring into the darkness of her palms for a long time.
When she pushed herself out of the armchair after time seemed to have stood still for hours, she knew she was done with Hong Kong. She had tried and failed. She wasn’t enough for Alex, that sweet, kind-hearted girl who wouldn’t hurt a fly, but who had just ripped her heart to pieces.