I did. I ordered some of that chicken for you.
You aint done it, she said.
They ordered steaks. Do you live like this all the time? she said.
Sure. When you're a big time desperado the sky's the limit.
What's that on that chain?
This?
Yeah.
It's a tush off of a wild boar.
What do you wear that for?
It aint mine. I'm just keepin it for somebody.
A lady somebody?
No, a dead somebody.
The steaks came. He watched her eat. Does they anybody know where you're at? he said.
What?
I said does anybody know where you're at.
Like who?
Like anybody.
You.
I dont know where you're at because I dont know who you are.
Well that makes two of us.
You dont know who you are?
No, silly. I dont know who you are.
Well, we'll just keep it that way and they wont neither of us be out nothin. All right?
All right. What'd you ask me that for?
Moss mopped up steak gravy with a half a roll. I just thought it was probably true. For you it's a luxury. For me it's a necessity.
Why? Because they's somebody after you?
Maybe.
I do like it that way, she said. You got that part right.
It dont take long to get a taste for it, does it?
No, she said. It dont.
Well, it aint as simple as it sounds. You'll see.
Why is that.
There's always somebody knows where you're at. Knows where and why. For the most part.
Are you talkin about God?
No. I'm talkin about you.
She ate. Well, she said. You'd be in a fix if you didnt know where you was at.
I dont know. Would you?
I dont know.
Suppose you was someplace that you didnt know where it was. The real thing you wouldnt know was where someplace else was. Or how far it was. It wouldnt change nothin about where you was at.
She thought about that. I try not to think about stuff like that, she said.
You think when you get to California you'll kind of start over.
Them's my intentions.
I think maybe that's the point. There's a road goin to California and there's one comin back. But the best way would be just to show up there.
Show up there.
Yeah.
You mean and not know how you got there?
Yeah. And not know how you got there.
I dont know how you'd do that.
I dont either. That's the point.
She ate. She looked around. Can I get some coffee? she said.
You can get anything you want. You got money.
She looked at him. I guess I aint sure what the point is, she said.
The point is there aint no point.
No. I mean what you said. About knowin where you are.
He looked at her. After a while he said: It's not about knowin where you are. It's about thinkin you got there without takin anything with you. Your notions about startin over. Or anybody's. You dont start over. That's what it's about. Ever step you take is forever. You cant make it go away. None of it. You understand what I'm sayin?
I think so.
I know you dont but let me try it one more time. You think when you wake up in the mornin yesterday dont count. But yesterday is all that does count. What else is there? Your life is made out of the days it's made out of. Nothin else. You might think you could run away and change your name and I dont know what all. Start over. And then one mornin you wake up and look at the ceilin and guess who's layin there?
She nodded.
You understand what I'm sayin?
I understand that. I been there.
Yeah, I know you have.
So are you sorry you become a outlaw?
Sorry I didnt start sooner. Are you ready?
When he came out of the motel office he handed her a key.
What's that?
That's your key.
She hefted it in her hand and looked at him. Well, she said. It's up to you.
Yes it is.
I guess you're afraid I'll see what's in that bag.
Not really.
He started the truck and pulled down the parking lot behind the motel office.
Are you queer? she said.
Me? Yeah, I'm queer as a coot.
You dont look it.
Is that right? You know a lot of queers?
You dont act it I guess I should say.
Well darlin what would you know about it?
I dont know.
Say it again.
What?
Say it again. I dont know.
I dont know.
That's good. You need to practice that. It sounds good on you.
Later he went out and drove down to the quickstop. When he pulled back into the motel he sat there studying the cars in the lot. Then he got out.