She shook her head. “I just need some time alone. I'm going for a walk, and when I get back, he needs to be gone.”
I nodded. “Done. But I need something too. I have to know what of this is actually real?”
She sighed. “Everything.” She rubbed her belly for a moment. “Roberto sent me here for information, but even that first night, I realized I never wanted to find anything. I had fallen for you the moment I got into your car. That night, the one night we spent at the club when our parents were out of town, I almost kissed you that night. I wanted to so badly. Roberto turned my anger over my mother’s death against you, and I thought that hatred he developed in me could erase all those feelings I had for you. But it couldn’t, it never did. I tried to end it, you can even ask him. I was so afraid he would kill me.”
She was a rat, but her heart was in the right place. And it was clear she was terrified of Roberto. I had to forgive her. She was weak with years of anger and sadness. And those were caused by me. As angry as I was at her in that moment for deceiving me, I knew the anger wouldn’t last long. She would find her way underneath my skin again, in some ways she already had.
She started to move away from me, but I caught her by the hand. “I want to keep you,” I said to her as honestly as possible. It hurt too much to watch her walk away from me.
“I know.” She pulled her hand out of mine and walked toward the bedroom door. I prayed that it wouldn’t be the last time that I ever saw her.
24
Vienna
Luka removed Roberto from the bedroom and I got out as quickly as possible.
I needed an escape.
I watched them in the living room as I exited the apartment in silence. Roberto was just sitting tied to the chair, Luka standing over him, a knife to his throat.
“Aren’t you going to say goodbye?”
I shot Roberto a look over my shoulder. “No.”
I slammed the door behind me. I ran down the stairs and onto the street, feeling the sun on my skin. I just needed to get away. I walked the streets, feeling free, but in other ways, I knew I was still trapped.
How had Roberto gotten in? I thought that Luka could keep me safe. He promised me he always would, but what if he couldn't? What if he couldn’t keep our baby safe either? What a disturbing thought that was. Suddenly the sun didn't feel as warm on my skin, and a chill ran through my body. I needed to find someplace safe where I could sit for a while. I needed time to think. I walked a few more blocks, looking for a restaurant or a café I could dive into. Finally I came upon a dive bar which looked dark and was covered with graffiti. It was the perfect place where I could hide in a corner and no one would notice my tears.
I pushed open the heavy door, and when I entered the dark bar, the smell of beer overwhelmed me. There was a long wooden bar on the side wall, and there were several small tables and booths. The walls were a dark wood color and the floor was made of stone. The place was practically empty, which didn’t surprise me, since it was a Sunday afternoon. There weren't any TVs hanging over the bar, just more bottles. Obviously this wasn't a place for the sports crowd.
I walked up to the bar and signaled the bartender to come my way. I sat down at one of the stools at the end. Hopefully no one would sit down next to me. I could drown my sadness in a pint alone.
“What can I get for you?” an older gentleman asked me.
“Anything.” But then I thought about it further and touched my stomach. “Actually a soda.”
He gave me the once over. “A soda, huh? Are you here to celebrate something? Or to chase the demons away?”
Demons. More demons than I would actually like to admit. “The latter, but… I can’t drink if you get what I mean.”
He simply nodded and wandered off. Within a couple minutes, he was back with a short glass of cola and a large square ice cube.
“Good luck honey.”
I lifted the glass to my lips and took a small sip, letting the liquid flow through my body. The bartender gave me a small smile and walked away from me as I looked around the place. There were maybe only five people in the bar with me. A group of men were sitting at a table in the back, talking amongst themselves, and there was a lonely couple at the bar with me. This was the perfect place to hide.
I took another sip of what I assumed was some off brand bar cola and tried to move my thoughts past Roberto, wrapping my head around what Luka had done.
He killed my father.
He was the one that began a chain of events that took my family away from me, and I knew that deep down, I truly hated him for that.
As much hatred as I had for his actions, a small part of me always wanted him to be the Luka I fell for when I was a teenager. I never wanted to really admit that he was a monster that destroyed my family. Ever since I'd made the decision to stay, I buried those feelings of hatred so deep that I didn't think anything could bring them back up. But here I was, waves of sadness rushing over my body. At this moment, I never wanted to see him again. But on the other hand, I was still his. It was maddening.