Nine Lives(90)
“One of the reasons I collect skulls is to help visualise her; many saints have seen her using the skulls. The great Bama Khepa—one of the first saints to realise the power of this place—saw her in a circle of fire in the form of a very young girl. Skulls remind us of our mortality, and of the world of illusion that surrounds our daily life. But we also believe that if you awake the skulls through sadhana [Tantric practice], and tame their spirits, they will give you more power and help show you the path to reach the goddess and access her power. They help you to invoke her, and call her to you.
“The spirits of the dead often stay with the skull. They are formless and shapeless. No one can enclose them or burn them or drown them. You have to worship them, appease them and feed them regularly. You must offer them perfume, flowers and oil. Not all skulls work, of course—you have to give them time. You can tell by the way the skull behaves with food. You feed them rice, dal, raw meat from sacrifices, even whisky. If the skull moves its face away or recedes, then it is not accepting the food, and the skull’s spirit will not help you.
“What you are looking for is a dissatisfied and troubled spirit. If a person has a peaceful death, and all the funeral rites are conducted properly, he will be reincarnated. But unsatisfied spirits, the ones that have died unfortunate deaths when they are young: they are the ones that linger on, and wander. They take a long time to reincarnate and they are the ones we can call through the midnight air. With luck, they are the ones we can work with.
“You can’t master spirits. They are wilful and independent. They will come if they want to, and if you please them with special mantras. Some that Tapan taught me are so powerful he said that they can split the tombs open, and make the bodies manifest themselves. You must draw a circle around yourself for protection. Then, when the spirits which you have invoked come, you have to know the mantras which can help you talk with them, and use their shakti. These are rare skills and great secrets. Compared to Tapan and some of the other masters here, I am just a novice.
“Now, however, I am beginning to think that Tantra only really works properly when it is coupled with intense devotion, with bhakti. When I was younger and I first came here, I was very obsessed with skulls and the secrets of Tantra. I would do anything to collect new skulls and tend to them—putting vermilion on them, feeding them as well as I could, and bathing them in ghee, yoghurt and honey. I had a whole room filled with them. Once you feed them and they accept the offerings, they are pacified and will help you, protecting you from evil spirits. I found the shakti they gave me exhilarating. I found I could sometimes predict the future. Tapan Sadhu even taught me the secret mantras through which you can get the spirits to bring rain in time of drought.
“But now my attention is more directed on Ma Tara herself, and increasingly I believe that the most important thing is to get close to her through devotional love. Skulls are still useful and they can be very powerful, but these days I am concentrating simply on the love and worship of the Mother—although in such a way as not to alienate the skulls. You could say that I am bringing them with me on my journey. Love is the most important thing.
“Tantra on its own can be very dangerous. The skulls may help us to awaken the goddess, but if you make one mistake in the ritual, you can go mad. Some tried to do battle with the goddess, to tame her with magic. Look what happened to them! There are many here who made mistakes in their sadhana, and went insane. So what you need is to find a balance between bhakti and Tantra. With the two of them together, with both love and sacrifice, I believe you are on the right path, and when she thinks you are worthy she will reveal herself. Until then she sends me dreams, and I know I am daily receiving her compassion.
“Tapan Sadhu taught me all I know about Tantra and love. I met him first in Calcutta, when I was still living in the Kali Mandir. I was passing by, and he was there with his disciples, and he said, ‘You want a paan?’ Over the following years I noticed him when he came to the temple. I was impressed because people said he was very strong and had great powers, but he was a kind and gentle man too. Somewhere at the back of my mind, I realised that if I wished to follow the Tantric path, I needed someone with whom I could perform sadhana. I also realised I needed to find a man who would protect me, because if I went out on the roads on my own I would be vulnerable, and might be attacked.
“Then Tara Ma sent me a dream, in which I saw the face of Tapan Sadhu, and a voice said, ‘He is waiting for you now.’ I recognised him immediately, so I went to Tarapith, where he lived. For a long while I didn’t dare address a word to him, even though I had settled near his hut, under a tree. Even in Calcutta we had barely talked. But before long the people here began to gossip, and said we were having an affair. So eventually I went to him and said, ‘Since people are saying these things, why don’t we solve the problem by living together? We are not greedy for property: we only need each other.’ So he invited me to his hut, and from that day we stayed together.