"I just don't understand! What did I do wrong?"
"You didn't do anything wrong!" I can hear the exasperation in Casey's voice and immediately relax. I feel guilty for even doubting him for a second.
"But we had such a good time!"
"Yeah, and that's all it was. Look, I don't want to be a dick, but I have to get back. To my friends. To my girlfriend."
"Just give me one more chance! I'll get you that meeting with Reese Aster!"
He lets out a bitter laugh. "Are you actually bribing me to go out with you? Come on, Jana. Don't. You don't need that. For the hundredth time, I'm seeing someone. You need to let go."
"No, I don't believe that! There's no way you're seriously dating that little country slut."
"Don't ever talk about her like that! You don't know anything about her. Get out of my way."
"Casey!"
"Let go of me! It's not happening, Jana. Ever!"
I round the corner, and Casey freezes in alarm. I feel terrible at the petrified look on his face, the fear that I'm going to think he's anything but the prince that he is.
"Callie … I … "
"I think he's made himself pretty clear," I direct to Jana. "Even a 'country slut' like me can understand his message," I quip, and I see Casey visibly take a breath.
His relief only lasts a second. Jana's glare turns violent as she spins and smacks him hard across the face.
I gasp, and would probably have hit her back if she doesn't run from the scene while we stand paralyzed in shock. I quickly recover and rush toward Casey, touching the fresh red mark on his cheek. His jaw is clenched, fire in his eyes, but I can tell he's trying to gain control of himself.
"Hey, are you ok?" I ask softly, trying to soothe the burn with my compassion.
He curses and closes his eyes. "Fine."
"Casey … It's definitely not you … it's her," I joke, and he cracks the slightest of smiles.
"Yeah, I know. I saw that coming after our third date. That's why there were only three."
I laugh. I can't help it. "Well, I'm sorry if part of that was my fault. Ironically, I came to find you to give you this."
His gaze shoots to mine in surprise, and I wrap my arms around him. He relaxes and pulls me close.
"Thanks, Callie. I needed that."
"Me, too," I whisper. His heart is still beating fast, but I don't know if it's from me or Jana. Probably both. "Let's go home," I say, even though it means I have to let go of him.
"Yeah. I'm definitely ready to get out of here."
I squeeze again before letting go. "At least the food was good," I offer, and am thrilled to get my grin back.
"Yeah. But definitely takeout next time."
"Totally agree. Let's go make sure Luke picks up the check."
∞∞∞
Luke not only picks up the check, but has already taken care of it by the time we return. His intuition regarding the people he cares about never ceases to amaze me, and he hands Casey his jacket as we approach the booth.
"You ok?" Luke asks.
Casey mutters something, but doesn't look over at the table across the room. I do, and notice it's emptier than before.
"She stormed off," Luke explains, reading our interest. "What happened?"
"She hit him," I hiss, and Luke's face darkens.
"No way. Seriously?" he asks, scanning Casey's face. He curses when he catches the red tinge of his cheek. "Man, I'm sorry. At least that means she gets it now."
Casey sighs and shakes his head. "Let's just get out of here. Where's Eli and Sweeny?"
Luke smiles. "They left, too," he says.
Casey almost seems relieved. "Ok. Let's go home."
∞∞∞
The three of us crash on the couch when we return to the suite. Luke grabs a drink, but Casey and I pass. It's then that I consider the reduced flow of alcohol into his system lately. Sure, there's still a steady trickle, but it seems as though he's cut back considerably.
I lean against Casey, and Luke faces us from the other side of the couch. We're all quiet for a while, enjoying the silence after the chaos of the bar, or club, or whatever 49th & Finch considers itself.
"I told her some things," Luke confesses, breaking the long silence.
I can feel Casey stiffen, and glance up at his face. He doesn't seem angry, just concerned.
"Yeah?"
Luke nods. "About how we got started, about that time with your father and Molly. Just thought you should know."
Casey doesn't respond at first. "Fun story," he mumbles finally.
I take his hand and lace my fingers with his. "I want to know all the stories," I say. "Fun or not."
"I don't talk to him anymore," Casey replies, and I'm not sure he even heard my response. He's back there again. I can see it in his eyes when I look up at him. "I'm the only one who doesn't, but he always hated me more than the others. I wasn't as afraid of him as he wanted."
Luke nods, and I can see the understanding all over his face. The friendship, the history, the connection that explains their incredible music.
"He hates that he was wrong about you, Case. He hates your success. I saw him when I went home a few weeks ago. He's a bitter, miserable man," Luke says.
"You went home?" Casey asks, surprised. "Why? Why didn't you tell me?"
Luke flinches, and we can tell this wasn't supposed to be part of the story. I remember his trip. Clearly. I'd been so worried about him when he suddenly disappeared for a week without a word.
The way his eyes are shifting now, I know it's bad. What I don't know is if he's finally ready to share it with us. I don't think we were supposed to know any of this. I doubt anyone was, which is all the more reason why it has to come out.
He draws in a deep breath and concentrates on the floor.
"I was … putting things in order. Preparing for … " Luke stops just as my heart does.
I stare at him in horror, unable to speak. I don't know what to do with that sentence. It's too heavy, too important, too awful, too expected, too full, to process. I can't see Casey's face but I can feel his sudden tension behind me and know he's having a similar reaction.
Luke's eyes venture toward us again, searching, clouded this time. "A month ago I was ready. I was done. That's why I started visiting Jemma's. The chair. To say goodbye with one final punishment for what I was. What I'd done. To force myself to confront my failure. A month ago was supposed to be the end."
I jump up from my seat and rush toward him. I don't care. No. It's too real now. Too close. I throw my arms around him and feel his tighten around me in return. We both are thinking the same thing, filled with the same sickening questions. What if I hadn't butted in? What if I'd ignored his crazy behavior like everyone else? What if I'd done the right thing and been polite? My inexplicable rudeness saved his life. Started mine.
I hold on. I know Casey understands what's happening. That he's not jealous, and he waits in silence as Luke and I put each other back together. Luke finally pulls away and swats at his eyes, a haunted look on his face. I know something's happening in his head and sit back to let it breathe.
He closes his eyes and starts speaking so softly, we can barely hear him at first.
"It's a perfect day for candlelight, let it cast its shadow.
It's a perfect day for apathy.
It's a perfect day for tragedy, eclipsed by a moment in time.
It's a perfect day, why not today?
It's a perfect day, don't wait up for a tearful goodbye.
It's a perfect day for illusion.
It's a perfect day for solace, I'll make this easy on you.
Don't you worry, it's a perfect day, why not today?
Can you hear me, screaming some lie, disguising the truth
Can you see me, bleeding, I'm unraveling
Shattering
Do you remember what you told me, 'Everything has its place and time?'
Well, that's fine, you can look away, you're just proving it's the perfect day."
He stops, and I'm certain none of us is breathing. We can't risk changing the silence, the significance of the moment. We just absorb it, Luke's devastating words echoing around us, reminding us how close we can be to pain without feeling it.
I manage to inch back to Casey and lean against him. As soon as we touch, his arms encircle me and pull me close with an urgency that breaks my heart. I can feel him bury his face in my hair, and I clasp his hands to my chest, gripping hard. I can't tell if he's crying, but I know he's a mess, too. We all are. But for the first time our disaster is out in the open for us to pick through together. I also know it's finally time.
"What's The Chair, Luke? What's its power?" I ask gently, somehow sensing he needs to tell us.
He nods in response, almost as if he'd been expecting the question. I can feel Casey's attention shift back to Luke as well, and we are both holding our breath, bracing for the ghost.
"Things were really bad with Elena," Luke begins, quietly. "They had been for a long time, but … I loved her … God, I loved her so much...I just couldn't stop hurting her!" Luke's voice is suddenly violent, "saturated with the self-hatred" Casey had described that one night. The tears come again, to all of us this time, but there's nothing we can do but watch. Luke has to finish shattering.