New York Nights (Heart of the City #2)(28)

Pushing the disasters of the night to the back of my mind, I had a small victory in putting Grace down to sleep with little difficulty. Of all the nights I needed a distraction, Grace wasn't going to be the one to give it to me. I sighed, brushing her hair from her face, and my heart swelled as I looked down at the beautiful sleeping figure.

'You can keep me up all night, every night, if you want, I'm not going anywhere,' I whispered, kissing the tips of my fingers and touching her gently on the cheek. If anything, the news about Caroline only made me more adamant to ride out the fatigue, to not give up on Grace, to be there for her and Ben in this mixed-up family, even on the days it was bloody awful. The Liebenbergs had put me forward to help out with this situation. And that was exactly what I was going to do, in a calm, patient, understanding way. I felt uplifted as I descended the stairs, my confidence high. 

'Did you have a good night?'

I peered across the foyer to where his voice had come from, and sure enough, there he was at the window in the parlour. He was sitting in the dark, his elbows resting on his knees, folding his tie in his hands. He'd obviously been waiting for me. It took me a moment to realise what he was talking about. My blank expression must have told him as much.

'Well, aside from the live-sex show and wanting to push my mother down the stairs,' he continued.

I was taken aback by his tone. I had partly regretted my actions tonight, but there was another part of me that stood by my abruptness with Penny: I'd prevented her from seeing said live-sex show. He should be bloody thanking me that I'd averted a heart attack.

'Apart from that,' I said, not denying it.

'I know she's not the easiest person to get along with but I do think you should make more of an effort with her,' he said, lazily pushing himself back into his chair.

I could feel my blood boiling. He was one to talk about making an effort with family. 'Well, family connections are very important, especially for Grace,' I said.

'Mother did mention tonight that you seemed reluctant for her to come visit.'

Was he serious? Was I on the stand here? Rage burned in the pit of my stomach. Since when was he Team Penny?

'Ah, she cancelled on me.' To secretly have lunch with your estranged brother.

'So you do want her to come and see you?' he asked, looking at me expectantly.

I thought about it, and as much as I told myself I would try to become more patient, to not forget what Ben had endured and not take his manner personally  –  after all, this wasn't about me or Penny, this was about Grace  –  I couldn't help my anger; it wasn't just his questioning, it was something else altogether.

'I just want your mum to see me.' I raised my voice. 'I want this family to see me, not lock me away to raise a child and not even be able to eat in the same room as any of you like it's the eighteen hundreds.' The floodgates were beginning to open.

'Louisa wasn't at the table either,' Ben said matter-offactly, as if that explained everything.

His words only served to make me angrier. 'And that makes it okay?'

'Is that what this is really about?' he said, standing and walking into the light of the foyer. He leant against an alcove, crossing his arms over his chest and looking down at me. 'Do you always need to be the centre of attention?'

I would have snapped had there not been a mischievous glimmer in his eyes, like he was trying to bait me, something I couldn't have seen without the glow lighting his face.

I took a deep breath, calming my anger as I spoke quietly. 'I just want to be respected.'

Ben went to say something, but thought better of it. He closed the distance between us, and I could feel the heat of him next to me. My stomach gave a strange flutter as he examined my face almost like a caress. Why did this man have to be so damn sexy, so distracting? Every inhalation of his cologne made it tough for me to concentrate.

'I respect you,' he said, and I could feel my heart tighten. I was lost. Ben said the words I wanted to hear, and I could feel my frosty resolve begin to thaw. But of course he had to spoil it by continuing to talk, his face shuttering once more, a troubled expression etched across his brow. 'But what happened tonight at the Petersons' -'



       
         
       
        

'Oh, you mean a married man fucking the nanny?'

'That's none of our business.'

'Did you know about it?' It was the million-dollar question; he hadn't seemed surprised when I'd told him and that bothered me.

His silence told me all I needed to know.

'You're angry at me because my actions prevented your mother from witnessing them in the act? How long have you known? God, you probably swill whisky and smoke cigars in your boys' club, comparing notes.'

'I think you've read one too many historical romance novels,' Ben scoffed.

'Well, tell me it's not like that, tell me you don't laugh about the little piece you have stashed in your townhouse, the one you nearly did in the kitchen,' I blurted.

Ben's eyes were ablaze; never before had I seen him so angry as he stepped closer to me.

'I'm not Grant Peterson,' he said with a harsh edge to his voice. 'Why do you think I have you in this house, away from that world? I can't help that I'm a Worthington, or that I was born into money. So much of that life is ugly and I don't want Grace exposed to it. If that means you feel isolated or lonely here, so be it.'

I could feel my heart racing, looking into the eyes of a man who held so many secrets, so much pain, so much anger. He wanted to build a new world, a new life for himself, I understood that. Some secrets deserved to be locked away, and until the day Ben told me about them himself, I would let him keep them. All I could do with the little knowledge I had was to be there for him, and for Grace, in this world that was new to all of us.

The tension in my shoulders began to melt. I didn't even know why we were arguing. I knew Ben wasn't Grant, but the insecurity I felt touched a nerve. I didn't want to be a plaything like Louisa, I didn't want to be tucked away two years from now, all jaded, like her. I just wanted  –  hell, I don't even know what I wanted any more. And when my heart whispered what it truly wanted, I shut it down, because what my heart wanted was the stuff of fairytales. Ben was not the man for me, he was a man I was enthralled with the idea of. The reality was oh so different.

I met Ben's gaze dead on. 'You're right. It's not about me, or you  …  it's about Grace. And if you want to build a new world for her, then you are probably going to have to make sure that you're in it.'

It was the first time I had spoken of his absence, and as soon as I did, I saw something unmistakable blaze in his eyes. It scared me. It was enough for me to know I had overstepped the mark in a big way, enough to have me walk away from him, leaving him with those words. I was trembling, knowing that those heated, angry eyes were watching my every step as I ascended the stairs. I feared, hoped, he might stop me going to my room but he didn't, and I don't know if I was relieved, or if I felt even worse. 





Chapter Twenty-Eight


I sat as I had done before: on edge; straight back, hands clasped, forced smile. There was no other way to be sitting in Penny Worthington's parlour, opposite the woman herself. Who was laughing at me. She was actually laughing at me, stomach-clutching, eye-watering laughter. I couldn't believe it.

She sighed, catching her breath. 'Oh, Sarah, you do amuse me.'

My smile faltered, confusion lining my face, as I thought about what I'd said. It wasn't funny, at least I didn't think it was.

'I just wanted to apologise for the way I spoke to you last night,' I repeated. Nope, not funny. 'And I don't want you to ever feel like you are not welcome to come and visit with Grace at any time.' I could feel the bile burning my throat as visions of daily visits from Penny sped through my mind. But I'd rolled Ben's words over in my mind all night, and by morning I had convinced myself to make more of an effort with Grace's grandmother. Lord knew it was complicated enough when it came to the Worthington family.

Penny scoffed, waving my words away. 'Oh, my dear, don't think I don't know why you were so adamant about stopping me on those stairs last night.'

'Sorry, what?' I asked, leaning forward in my chair a little.

Penny poured more hot water into her teacup with a knowing smile. 'Sarah, people have been having affairs with nannies, gardeners, pool boys since the dawn of time. It's almost a tradition.'

I stared at her. Surely she was joking? Were these people real? Did this sort of thing really happen?

'Um, I just thought that  … ' I stammered.

'Don't get me wrong  –  I will be forever in debt to you for preventing me from seeing any more of Grant Peterson than I need to.'

'Oh God.'

'Exactly, and let me tell you something: if the rumours are correct -' Penny wriggled her pinky finger as she daintily held her cup of tea, '- it's no wonder Melissa was having an affair with her tennis instructor in the Hamptons this past summer.'

I spat my tea across the glossy coffee table that divided us, coughing and earning a sour look from Penny. 'Really?' I wheezed, wiping tea from my chin.

'Oh, yes, it's almost like a ridiculous competition between them. Do you know how many au pairs they've had in four years?'

I shook my head, not wanting to know.

'Five  –  that's a new record.' She nodded, as if almost impressed.

'Poor Evie.' These people who didn't deserve to have children, to live in this world surrounded by nice things, infuriated me. I had gone from feeling sorry for Melissa to being disgusted by her and her husband.