Louisa nodded. 'He's always working, day and night. And when Caroline died he just became even more obsessed with work and, I guess, avoiding reality. Like, he just doesn't want to deal with the baby.' Louisa shrugged. 'Grant says he's grieving and needs time.'
I so desperately wanted to ask about who Holly was, but didn't dare go there. Louisa didn't seem one to keep a secret, and mentioning Holly could open a can of worms. The situation was far more complicated than I could have ever imagined.
Poor Alistair. Poor sweet Grace.
My sadness soon morphed into anger, but it was a new kind. I was angry at the Worthingtons – Penny, Emily, even Nikki – for not being honest with me. It was one thing for Ben to not want me to know, but surely someone could have told me, prepared me?
I blinked back the moistness in my eyes, straightening in my seat and trying to keep my emotions in check in front of Louisa, who looked at me intently with her big doe eyes.
'What was she like?' I asked. I wanted to know but I didn't want to know, if that makes any sense. Not that anything made sense anymore. There was not one picture, no trace of her whatsoever at the townhouse – it was like Caroline never existed. I knew people dealt with grief in different ways, but I just couldn't process it.
Something crossed Louisa's face, something I couldn't quite read, as she suddenly found a stray thread in her shirt particularly fascinating. 'Yeah, she was nice.'
I wanted her to say more, but I wouldn't push. It was more information than I would have ever garnered on my own from Ben or his family, so I was grateful to her for that. Louisa wasn't going to be my new best buddy or anything, but at least she'd told me the truth, even though her sudden change in demeanour made me think she was holding something back. Maybe I was just being paranoid.
With the mood in the room altered and our half-eaten dinner gone cold, I was ready to call it a night and head downstairs to give Ben the sign to escape. I could only hope he had finished his meal and was ready to go. Now that I had unearthed such a huge secret, I had no idea how to act or feel. I'd gone from not wanting to look at him to not knowing how to look at him.
'Wait a sec, I better go check on Evie,' Louisa said, uncrossing her legs and launching out of her seat as if fire burned underneath her.
Before I could say goodbye, and thank her for the information, she was gone. I sighed, throwing myself against the chair, mentally drained and desperate to get home.
Just because I knew the truth didn't mean I would be letting anyone else know. If the Worthingtons had worked so intently to keep the secret from me, then I would happily play along. Right now I wanted to hug Grace to me tightly and never let her go.
This job was as it had always been: all about Grace. More so now than ever.
I didn't know if I was lost in my thoughts or just a poor judge of time, but Louisa seemed to be taking far too long to return. Perhaps sweet little sleeping Evie wasn't so sweet or sleepy at all. I decided to leave the library, and made my way down the long, dim hall to try to see if I could say goodbye to Louisa before I headed downstairs. I crept along, a true expert at being quiet in any house. It was a talent I had perfected. If Louisa was having difficulty with Evie I didn't want to disturb them.
I approached a door that was undoubtedly Evie's, coloured letters spelling her name across its surface. I smiled, thinking I would do the exact same thing to Grace's room one day. I put my head closer to the door to listen for crying or voices. There was a soft glow coming from the bedroom and I peered through the doorway, half expecting to see Louisa comforting Evie with a bedtime story, or perhaps lying by her side until she settled. So when I found only the tiny bump in the bed of a deeply sleeping Evie, I frowned. Louisa was nowhere in sight.
I backed away from the door. She'd probably gone down to the party, forgetting about me and our depressing conversation. I was a bit annoyed, thinking I had been left there all that time while Louisa was probably arm-in-arm with Penny, her number-one fan. Oh, well, I had tried to do the right thing but now it was time to go. Just as I was about to head down the hall, I heard a crash, followed by a muted giggle. I stopped dead. Even though the noise had come from the opposite direction of where I had to go, it got the better of me. I doubled back and crept down the hall.
A strip of light from the bathroom at the end of the hall lit a streak across the carpet – the door was not fully closed. A shadow flickered across the strip of light; there was definitely someone in there. If it was Louisa, I could say goodbye after all. I owed her as much after she'd shared such valuable knowledge. I stood to the side of the door and peered in through the gap to see if I could see her, hoping I wouldn't catch her on the toilet.
I could see her all right. I could see way too much of her. Her hands gripped the vanity and her skirt was hitched over her hips, her top and bra peeled down in front. The only thing preserving her breasts' modesty was the hands that gripped them – hands that belonged to Grant Peterson. He slammed into her from behind, groaning and cursing under his breath. He was looking down, his trousers around his ankles as he moved his grip from her breasts to her hips for better leverage, pushing her higher onto her toes as he moved faster.
Holy shit!
I ran down the hall, caring little about making a noise that might wake Evie – or alert the whole house, for that matter. I just wanted to get the hell out of there. And if I never came back or saw the likes of Louisa again it would be too soon. I swung around the banister to hit the stairs and slammed into something bony.
'Oh, you stupid girl, watch where you're going,' spat Penny Worthington, her eyes ablaze as she rubbed her arm. 'Honestly, Sarah, a bit of decorum wouldn't go astray.'
I breathed out a laugh, not in the mood for her bullshit tonight, nor any other night. 'Don't speak to me like that,' I said, perhaps a bit too loudly. I glanced past Penny to where Ben lingered, leaning against the bottom banister, watching us. The expression on his face was nothing compared to the way Penny looked at me now. I suppose no one spoke to Penny Worthington like that – no one.
'I had hoped you might learn something from Louisa,' she said icily, still rubbing at her arm.
It took all my strength not to roll my eyes. 'I certainly did.'
'Oh, good, well, there is hope for you yet,' she said, patting me on the shoulder in the most patronising way. 'Now, where is lovely Louisa? I have to ask her something before she retires for the night.'
In spite of the shock of what I had just stumbled across – Louisa and Grant Peterson, her boss, the father of her client, a married man – I couldn't bring myself to throw her under the bus. I stood in Penny's way, blocking her.
'Um, I think she's just dealing with Evie, she was pretty restless tonight, probably best not to disturb her.'
Penny smiled. 'Such a tireless employee,' she said with a sparkle in her dead eyes.
'Yeah, really dedicated,' I said under my breath, standing my ground until I was certain that Penny was going to move in the direction I wanted. It took a stare that would most likely melt the flesh from my face, but she moved, although not without a sigh.
I shook my head and followed her down the stairs. I locked eyes with an ever-watchful Ben, and I mentally slapped myself for the public spectacle with his mother. Sprung in the study with a tumbler of whisky, now this? Nice one, Sarah.
As much as I dreaded each step that drew me closer to Ben, I lifted my chin and remained calm as I stood before him. Nothing to see here. Or upstairs, for that matter.
'What did she say to you?'
'Nothing, why?' I shrugged.
Ben folded his arms as he studied me intently. 'You're blushing.'
An image of Louisa and Grant zipped through my mind and I swear I could feel myself turning a deeper shade of scarlet. I cleared my throat and tried to forget what I'd seen. 'You know how you said I wouldn't have to ask you twice?'
He nodded.
'Well, trust me, we have to go.'
'I just thought I'd say goodbye to Grant and -'
I grabbed his arm. 'Right. Now.'
Chapter Twenty-Seven
If Ben had seemed shocked by the confession of what I had seen, he didn't show it. In fact, I was rather disappointed by his reaction when I told him I had caught Louisa and Grant together. I would have expected outrage, disgust, an ounce of surprise, but there was nothing. Just brooding silence that lasted our whole way home. I tried not to let the tension build in my mind.
Don't judge, Sarah. This is how he deals with things, he bottles up his emotions, remember?
Already my newfound knowledge stopped me from thinking the worst of Ben, who I spied on through the reflection of my passenger window. I wondered if he was thinking about what we had almost done, and what a mistake it had been. I felt like a hypocrite, judging Louisa for something I had almost done myself. But it was different: Ben wasn't married, he was a widower.
Yeah, Sarah, that's so much better.
Oh, how I hated the little voice inside my head, the one that pointed out all the things I didn't want to think about. I suddenly felt sick.