New York Nights (Heart of the City #2)(23)

'You're Grace's main carer, you have to set the routine, the standards, and Ben will have to follow them. For once in his life he has to conform, because if you don't work as a team, poor Grace will be all over the place and will wear you down. By the looks of it, she's already succeeded.'

'Oh, please don't tell Ben, I'm just a little tired, that's all. I don't want him thinking I'm incapable of doing my job.' I had visions of a family crisis meeting, all the Worthingtons in attendance as they evaluated my performance criteria.

Nikki smiled. 'Oh, honey, your secret is safe with me, but don't think I won't be giving Ben a little piece of my mind when I see him,' she said, handing Grace over. She mercifully didn't cry, simply looked into my widened eyes.

I felt panic spike inside me. 'W-why would you do that?'

'Because you should not have to be shouldering this all on your own, Sarah. Being a full-time carer to Grace is not part of your job description.'

'Oh, I don't mind.' I shrugged. I might be on the verge of a nervous breakdown but at least without Ben here there was no awkwardness, no weird sexual tension.

'It's not right, and I know you're tired and you probably hate admitting that, but you are only human.'

'Well, I feel so much better, thanks to you.'

Nikki still seem enraged, though, even after I'd expressed my gratitude. 'Sarah, it's not right.' She looked at me pointedly. 'Why should he get to be at Lafayette Street, entertaining friends and getting a full night's sleep all week when you're here on your own with Grace?'

'B-but I thought he had to go away for work?'

'I don't think Lower Manhattan counts, do you?'

I felt a knot twisting in the pit of my stomach, as anger swirled my insides. He was in New York? At Lafayette Street? Wining and dining friends, probably hanging out with Holly, while I was in the Village raising his daughter on my own? Oh hell, no.

Nikki must have sensed my anger, even poor Grace was picking up on it as she began to squirm and whimper.

'Listen, Sarah, don't worry, he probably just had to put in some groundwork for a project. I'll talk to him, you just start with your routine and leave Ben to me, okay?'



       
         
       
        

I smiled weakly at Nikki. 'I'll be fine, my priority is Grace.'

A silence fell between us  –  we both knew what the other was thinking: If only Grace were Ben's priority, too.



It took some convincing to make Nikki promise she wouldn't say anything to Ben. I assured her there were more important things to handle right now and, first and foremost, that was to settle Grace into a routine.

Things were about to change around here, and one of them was the means of communication. If Ben Worthington was going to hide out in his little penthouse thinking that it was a matter of out of sight, out of mind until the weekend, well, I had news for him. If I had been entrusted to look after Grace, his most prized possession, then it was up to me to enforce the routine that would roll over to the weekend. A schedule for Ben, Ruth, Penny  –  anyone who came into this house would have to abide by these rules. I felt like an idiot not having thought of it in the first place. Poor Grace had been dragged from pillar to post, with no semblance of routine. It was no wonder she couldn't settle.

'Well, Gracie girl, things are about to change,' I said to her, sitting at the kitchen bench with the laptop open. I opened a blank email and with great pride and a whole lot of power I set about writing a detailed plan. One that Nikki and I had discussed, and which I would start immediately. The first three days of consistency would bleed into the weekend, which was not ideal, but I was more than willing to sacrifice a weekend to ensure that Grace's routine was being adhered to. Short-term pain, long-term gain.

My email was professional, direct and fully thought out. I even attached some links to reading material to support my routine. Without alluding to my close call with an epic meltdown, I was honest about it having been a difficult week. But when I reread those words, I decided to delete that admission. Now was not the time to show weakness in any form. I had to be strong and steadfast, I had to be an authority. I wanted to add in a bit of a tongue-in-cheek dig, a 'hope it's sunny wherever you are in the world', but decided against it. I settled on a brazen read-receipt request to let me know if and when Ben had read my email.

I clicked send, straightening on my stool, feeling empowered by my email. I shut the laptop down and stepped away from it.

'Ball's in his court, Gracie.'



Email sent at 2.05 pm.

Email read at 2.38 pm.

Current time: 6.01 pm. Still no response.

Unbelievable.





Chapter Twenty-Three


I'd decided that, notwithstanding the sleep deprivation and the fear of screwing up Grace's childhood and doing irreparable damage to her psyche, the most difficult aspect of my job was dealing with Ben, whose selfishness knew no bounds. 

I raged on through the night, and come Friday morning with no reply or any word that he was going to be home on the weekend, I took drastic measures.

I showered, dressed and got Grace ready for a morning stroll, which was something I had built into her routine. As part of my desperate amount of googling for information on a sleepless baby, I'd read that it was helpful to have your baby associate light and activity with the day and darkness and inactivity with night and the key was exposure to morning light: it suppressed melatonin, a hormone that regulates the sleep – wake cycle so that it peaks at the right time  –  apparently. After another sleepless night, I was willing to try anything. And, to be honest, my intended destination of Lafayette Street also made my steps a little more determined.

'Come on, Gracie, let's go pay Daddy a little visit.'

I don't know what I planned to say and I tried not to let myself feel like a total bunny boiler by showing up on his doorstep, but I needed to have some answer as to why he'd virtually abandoned his daughter. At the very least he needed to get his shit together and let me know when he would be home.

I thought I'd managed to cobble together a little speech to give him but, as soon as I came to a stop at the entrance of his Lafayette Street apartment, I froze. My ability to think, to move, to speak fled as I looked at the imposing red-brick building. What was I doing here? If a phone call or an email was only acceptable under life-and-death circumstances then what would an unannounced drop in do?

Oh God, help me.

I was wrestling between turning and going home or stepping up to the door. There'd be no turning back once I made that move. I took a deep breath, pushing myself into the foyer, hoping against hope that he wasn't going to be in. That would most certainly be a sign that this was a bad idea and I should just go home.

I would have given anything for a sign as the suit that brushed past me in the foyer turned.

'Sarah?'

I paused, turning toward my name. 'Alistair?'

So God must have a great sense of humour. He decided to give me a sign in the shape of Alistair Worthington, Ben's younger, smiling brother.

'What are you doing here?' he said in surprise.

'Oh, Gracie and I just thought we'd pop in to see her dad.'

Alistair's eyes shifted down as if seeing the pram for the first time, his smile dimming a little.

'Gracie?' he repeated, moving forward, tilting his head, a look of warmth and adoration in his eyes. He smiled brilliantly. If only Ben were more like his little brother. 'Wow, she's out like a light.'

'I know, right? I can't believe Grace has chosen to sleep now, of all times. She never sleeps.'

'Never?'

'Ever. I wish I was exaggerating.' I laughed.

He grimaced. 'Ah, well, it's a family trait, I'm afraid. I wish I could tell you that she'll grow out of it.'

'Please don't tell me that.'

'Would you feel better if I lied to you?'

'Yes, please.'

'She will totally grow out of it; she'll be sleeping eight hours before you know it.'

'I would settle for two.'

'Well, lucky she's cute.'

'Yeah, when she's asleep.'

Alistair burst out laughing, before quietening for fear of waking her up. For the second time in as many meetings, Alistair was the unexpected delight of my day. I had been so worked up marching toward my doom, until I was greeted with a smile and the grey-blue eyes of a Worthington, except this pair were kind  –  they even had a little sparkle in them. They were by far the most attractive part of him.



       
         
       
        

I had to pull myself away from those eyes and remember why I had come all this way.

'Well, we better head up and see the lord of the manor,' I said, readjusting my grip on the pram.

'I'll save you the trip  –  he's not in.'

'Oh.' Now this was the sign I was looking for.

Alistair shrugged. 'Something about heading over to Brooklyn to check on some building project he's contracting, apparently.'

'I wonder if he'll drop in to see Nikki?' I said, mainly to myself. Perhaps it wasn't too late to tell Nikki to go ahead and give him a piece of her mind, knock some sense into him.

'There's no way he would get away with being in Brooklyn and not dropping in for a visit. If Nikki found out, it wouldn't be worth his life.'

I laughed, knowing that what he was saying was true.

'Well, it was nice seeing you. No doubt I'll bump into you again,' I said, moving the pram around to head outside. Alistair quickstepped around us, beating the doorman to open the door.