“Ethan.” I wasn’t sure I could do this. It felt strange and unfamiliar.
“I want you to reach between your legs. Stroke that perfect pussy of yours and tell me how wet you are.”
Tentatively, I moved my free hand down across my stomach, then lower. I was ready for him, but I wanted to do what he said.
“Tell me, Anna.”
My slickness quickly coated my fingers. “I’m ready for you, Ethan. Really ready for you.”
“You’re ready for my tongue, my fingers or my cock?”
I couldn’t help but groan. “Ethan.”
“That’s right, you’ll have all of them.”
I started to circle my clit with my fingers and my back arched.
“Jesus, I want to be inside you right now. I’m so hard. I want to be surrounded by your pussy. It’s my favorite place to be. I love the feel of you around me while I slide into you. The way your eyes widen every time, like I’m almost too big.”
“Fuck, Ethan,” I whimpered.
“That’s right, beautiful, tease that pretty clit. Imagine my tongue bringing out your pleasure.”
I was close and then the phone slipped out of my hand. As I pulled it back to my ear Ethan seemed to slip away from me. My body went cold and my mind was distracted by his absence.
Something left me and I wasn’t going to get there. It wasn’t enough for me to pretend that he was touching me. In fact, it was worse. It just made me more aware that he wasn’t there with me, doing what he did best.
“I’m so hard for you. Are you close? I want us to come together,” he said.
“Yeah . . . I love you Ethan.” I wanted him to get off even if I couldn’t. I wanted to make sure he wasn’t walking around with a hard-on without me being around. I wanted this to work.
“Anna?” His tone changed quickly. He sounded serious. “Anna, are you bullshitting me?”
“I . . . I . . .” How could I answer him?
“Were you faking it with me?”
“No! Never. I would n-n-never,” I stuttered.
“But you’re not about to come.” It wasn’t a question.
“I’m sorry. I was and then I just missed you and it left me.” The beginnings of tears began to gather in my eyes.
“Don’t be sorry. Don’t ever be sorry. Jesus I wish I were there. I want my arms around you.”
I laughed. “And the rest.”
That broke the tension and Ethan laughed, too. “Yeah, and the rest. But seriously, this situation sucks.”
“It does.”
“You’ve never faked it with me, have you?”
I laughed again. Ethan had never been insecure about the power he had over my body—to think that he had the slightest doubt about the way I responded to him was laughable. “I’ve never needed to fake a single thing about our relationship, and certainly not the way you make me come. I can’t say I’ve never faked it, but I’ve never faked it with you. I couldn’t stop myself from coming even if I tried when you touch me.”
“You say the sweetest things. If I were with you I’d be fucking you for the second time tonight.”
“Now I’ve left you with blue balls.”
“Yeah, about that . . . is getting myself off cheating if you’re not on the end of the phone?”
“No. I mean, did you when you were in London? Do you think it should be?” Why was he asking me this? It felt weird talking about it. But at the same time I was pleased. Ethan seemed to have no boundaries. He hid little from me and I loved that, but I wasn’t used to it. No one in my life had ever been as open as Ethan was with me. As much as it made me slightly uncomfortable at times, it was exactly what I needed.
“I never did in London. But I spent half my time inside you.”
I smiled. “Why would you think that I wouldn’t want you to?”
“I just didn’t know how you would feel about it. So I wanted to ask you.”
“You are the best boyfriend ever. Do you want to know how I feel about it, no bullshit? I think that I want you to get yourself off twenty times a day if you need to. Anything to ensure that you’re not tempted to go near another woman while we’re apart.”
“Okay, that’s not what I was expecting you to say. You’re worried that I’m going to cheat on you?”
Was I? I was worried that I would lose him, but would he cheat? I didn’t know if he could go without until the next time we saw each other. He did, after all, have the sexual appetite of a nineteen-year-old boy and he’d never had to think about being monogamous before. “I don’t think I’m worried, but it’s natural to notice other women, and I guess you’re more likely to act on that if you’ve not had sex for a while.” I was trying to sound rational. I was trying to feel rational. “You’ve never had to deny yourself before Ethan.”