New Year at the Boss's Bidding(5)

Now Xavier had made her examine things she'd finally begun to move on  from. Angry he even had that power, she began opening cupboards, lifting  out the pans and bowls she needed to start preparing tonight's meal.  Now was not the time to think of Jason and it certainly wasn't the time  to think of Xavier-in any way except as her client. It wasn't as if she  was about to have that romantic fling with him.

'I'm positive they will arrive.' She glanced at him, the hint of  amusement in his voice catching her attention. 'Just as I am sure my  guests will also arrive. If we were at my home in the Italian mountains I  would say that we are almost certainly destined to spend at least the  next few days alone here.'

Romantic images of his home in Italy, mountains covered in snow, and  spending time in front of roaring open fires with a particular sexy  Italian rushed into her mind. 'Thankfully we are not in Italy,' she  snapped, annoyed with herself for allowing such thoughts to manifest  themselves so rapidly and vividly.

He laughed. A low slumberous sound that sent her pulse into overdrive.  He dominated the kitchen, despite the capacious amount of space within  the room.

'So the idea of being alone together doesn't appeal to you, cara?' His  accent had become heavier as he looked at her intently, his eyes so  black they resembled a starless night sky.

'It's not something I've considered,' she replied in a brisk  matter-of-fact tone, and began to empty some of her boxes. She tried had  to not think about it, not when there was danger is such thoughts.  'Now, if you don't mind, I have work to do.'

* * *

Xavier watched as Tilly arranged her things on the table with careful  attention to detail. He couldn't help but smile. She had considered the  thought of being here alone with him. Just as he had. He'd surprised  himself by wishing they were at his home in the mountains, where once  the snow started it would build up quickly, rendering them snowbound.

Rational thoughts kicked back in. If they were alone, truly alone, he  wasn't sure he could ignore the attraction, which very definitely  existed between them. Not to mention that time alone with her would  inevitably mean she would learn too much about him.                       
       
           



       

His guilt and anguish about the accident would soon become evident and  that was something he went to great lengths to conceal-even from  himself. He hadn't spent one night with a woman since he'd banished  Carlotta from his life the day after the accident. So why was the idea  of being with Tilly becoming so appealing?

He looked up at the large clock on the kitchen wall. Just four more  hours until his family arrived. He resented that they'd come all the way  from Italy, forcing him to host the evening, challenging him to be the  man he'd been before the accident. If it had been anyone else other than  his parents suggesting they spend New Year's Eve celebrating, he'd have  said no.

At least once they were here he would be safe from the temptation of  this bright and bubbly blonde, the first woman who had tempted him since  the accident.

'When do you expect your staff to arrive?' He hoped it was soon,  because right now he wanted to kiss her, just as he'd wanted to in the  dining room. He still couldn't comprehend that within less than an hour  of her arrival he'd been forced to hold back the need to feel her lips  beneath his.

That sort of loss of control was not him. He was calm and precise in  all he did, paying attention to every small detail. He knew well enough  exactly what one moment of recklessness could do. To want to kiss this  woman was irresponsible in every sense of the word, but he liked to get  what he wanted-and right now that was Natalie Rogers.

She glanced at the clock, then back at him. 'They should be here just after lunch.'

'Va bene,' he replied, as he moved towards the table and closer to  Tilly, unexplainably drawn to her. She looked warily at him, reinforcing  the boundaries she'd already subtly laid down. So why did he want to  challenge and test them?

All he needed to do was avoid the kitchen until her staff arrived. If  he locked himself away in the small lounge he'd chosen as his study he  could finish the reports he'd brought with him and avoid giving in to  the primal call this woman was making to him. It was something he'd  never known before and adrenalin flowed through him, making him feel  alive and powerful. Exactly the way he'd always felt sitting astride his  bike at the beginning of a race, when the desire to win had been all  that had mattered.

Not that he'd ever race again. Those days were over-finished by an  accident which lingered in his mind by day and haunted his dreams by  night. Instead he'd increased production at his bike factory in Milan  and set up a scholarship school, touring Europe in the hope of teaching  young riders to race safely.

His heart thumped and in his head unbidden memories lurked, threatening  to overwhelm him. He leant on the back of a chair, waiting for the pain  in his legs to pass, a constant reminder of the months he'd spent in  hospital after the crash. He gritted his teeth against his anger.

For the last year he'd been free of moments like this-at least during  the day. He knew exactly why it was happening again. Because it was  Christmas. The time of year he thought of a family missing that one  special person-the rider he'd brought down by his reckless riding. His  friend, damn it.

A warm hand touched his arm. The feel of it through his shirt and  cashmere sweater brought him back from the edge of the guilt-filled hole  he'd been looking into, which had been threatening to drag him back  into its hellish depths.

'Are you okay?' Tilly's soft voice, full of concern, hauled him back  the rest of the way. He lifted his head and looked directly into her  eyes, which were as blue as the sea on a summer day.

'Sì,' he growled and pushed back from the chair, severing the contact  of her touch. He didn't deserve her sympathy. He didn't need her soft  touch and concern. If she knew the truth, knew all the damning facts  about the accident, she wouldn't be so quick to offer her compassion.

He sensed her draw back. Saw her step away, anxiously catching her  bottom lip with her teeth, but still the anger and guilt he'd carried  since the accident raged inside him. Tilly was doing exactly what  Carlotta had done the first day she'd visited him in hospital-backing  away in disgust. Carlotta had despised him because of what had happened.  The unwritten message in her face had fuelled his guilt and anger.

'Are you sure?' Tilly's voice, hesitant and gentle, cracked the bubble  of agony he was in, but anger at the vulnerability she'd exposed  remained, tormenting and weakening him.

'Of course I'm sure.' The harsh words snapped from him ungraciously. He  needed to get the hell out of here, before her concern tipped him over  the edge and he submitted to the urge to confide in her about the guilt  he'd carried alone for the last three years.                       
       
           



       

She didn't say anything but returned to her unpacking, apparently  unfazed by his display of anger. She hadn't deserved that. He should  apologise, but afraid that would make her question him further he  stalked from the kitchen adamant he would remain out of Tilly's way for  as long as possible.

Those painful memories began to subside, until he walked past the  Christmas tree. He couldn't acknowledge Christmas, not any more, which  was why he'd insisted the tree be removed.

All it represented to him was three fatherless children facing another  Christmas. His selfish desire to win had done that. It didn't matter  that he hadn't been the only rider not to change tyres, not to heed the  warnings of the wet track. None of that mattered, not when he thought of  those children. Paulo's children.

With a heavy sigh he walked on towards the lounge he'd commandeered for  the duration of his stay. Once the door was shut he allowed himself to  give in to the guilt-laden memories of the day he'd smashed just about  every bone in his legs and taken out his friend in the process.

He sat at the desk and turned on his laptop. Would he ever be rid of  the horror of that day? Would the guilt that he'd survived ever lessen?  He took in a deep breath and closed his eyes, refusing to let memories  claim him.

When he opened them again he looked out of the old windows at the grey  sky, each pane of glass forming a frame for the large flakes of snow  that now fell in a swirling dance past the window. The quiet peaceful  scene soothed him and eased the physical pain, reminding him of his  happy childhood.

* * *

Tilly had worked frantically for the last hour or so, anxious she  hadn't discussed fully the menu changes with Xavier that morning as  planned, but his sudden change of mood had made it impossible. At one  time he'd looked as if he'd been in terrible pain and instinctively  she'd gone to him, only to have her concern hurled unceremoniously back  at her.