Neverwhere(65)

“You’re in good spirits,” said Door.

He nodded, enthusiastically. “I’m going to go home. Everything is going to be normal again. Boring again. Wonderful again.” Richard looked at the stone steps that lead up the British Museum, and decided that they were made to be danced down by Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. And seeing that neither of them happened to be available, he began to dance down the steps, doing a Fred Astaire impersonation, while humming something approximately halfway between “Puttin’ on the Ritz” and “Top Hat, White Tie, and Tails.” “Ya-ta-ta-da-da-ta-ta-ya,” he sang, soft-shoeing down the steps and up again.

Door stood at the top of the steps, staring at him in horror. Then she began to giggle, helplessly. He looked up at her and doffed his imaginary white silk top hat to her, mimed tossing it high in the air, catching it, and putting it back on his head.

“Twit,” said Door, and smiled at him. In response, Richard grabbed her hand and continued dancing up and down the steps. Door hesitated for a moment, then she, too, began to dance. She danced much better than Richard did. At the bottom of the steps they tumbled, breathless and exhausted and giggling, into each other’s arms.

Richard felt his world spin.

He felt her heart beating against his chest. The moment began to transmute, and he wondered if there was something he should do. He wondered if he should kiss her. He wondered if he wanted to kiss her, and he realized that he truly did not know. He looked into her amazing eyes. Door put her head on one side, and pulled free. She pulled up the collar on her brown leather jacket, pulled it around her: armor and protection.

“Let’s go and find our bodyguard,” said Door. And they walked away together, down the sidewalk, toward British Museum Station, stumbling only a little from time to time.



“What,” asked Mr. Croup, “do you want?”

“What,” asked the marquis de Carabas, a little more rhetorically, “does anyone want?”

“Dead things,” suggested Mr. Vandemar. “Extra teeth.”

“I thought perhaps we could make a deal,” said the marquis.

Mr. Croup began to laugh. It sounded like a piece of blackboard being dragged over the nails of a wall of severed fingers. “Oh, Messire Marquis. I think I can confidently state, with no risk of contradiction from any parties here present, that you have taken leave of whatever senses you are reputed to have had. You are,” he confided, “if you will permit the vulgarism, completely off your head.”

“Say the word,” said Mr. Vandemar, who was now standing behind the marquis’s chair, “and it’ll be off his neck before you can say Jack Ketch.”

The marquis breathed heavily on his fingernails and polished them on the lapel of his coat. “I have always felt,” he said, “that violence was the last refuge of the incompetent, and empty threats the final sanctuary of the terminally inept.”

Mr. Croup glared. “What are you doing here?” he hissed.

The marquis de Carabas stretched, like a big cat: a lynx, perhaps, or a huge black panther; and at the end of the stretch he was standing up, with his hands thrust deep in the pockets of his magnificent coat. “You are,” he said, idly and conversationally, “I understand, Mister Croup, a collector of T’ang dynasty figurines.”

“How did you know that?”

“People tell me things. I’m approachable.” The marquis’s smile was pure, untroubled, guileless: the smile of a man selling you a used Bible.

“Even if I were . . . ” began Mr. Croup.

“If you were,” said the marquis de Carabas, “you might be interested in this.” He took one hand out of his pocket and displayed it to Mr. Croup. Until earlier that evening it had sat in a glass case in the vaults of one of London’s leading merchant banks. It was listed in certain catalogues as The Spirit of Autumn (Grave Figure). It was roughly eight inches high: a piece of glazed pottery that had been shaped and painted and fired while Europe was in the Dark Ages, six hundred years before Columbus’s first voyage.

Mr. Croup hissed, involuntarily, and reached for it. The marquis pulled it out of reach, cradled it to his chest. “No no,” said the marquis. “It’s not as simple as that.”

“No?” asked Mr. Croup. “But what’s to stop us taking it, and leaving pieces of you all over the Underside? We’ve never dismembered a marquis before.”

“Have,” said Mr. Vandemar. “In York. In the fourteenth century. In the rain.”

“He wasn’t a marquis,” said Mr. Croup. “He was the earl of Exeter.”