Time had a way of standing still when I was young, but all the endless summers in the world couldn’t prolong the inevitable. Walking away from a full ride scholarship to Kentucky wasn’t an option for me, and Beau had just been offered a recording contract by some boutique record label in Nashville.
“Don’t change on me,” I’d said as I’d rested my ear against his chest. “Promise me you’ll never change.”
“Never,” he’d whispered.
“And promise you’ll come back for me someday.”
“Promise you’ll wait for me,” he’d replied. “Promise you’ll never love anyone else the way you love me.”
“I wish I could go with you.” Those were the last words I’d spoken to him before things got hot and heavy in the bed of his truck. With my hipbones grinding into a faded quilt as I stared into the stars above, I made love to Beau for the last time.
Everything changed after that.
* * *
I tried to blend in, though hiding between a mix of middle-aged country music loving roadies and stagehands while looking “fancy” was a bit of a challenge. Denying the fact that I stuck out like a sore thumb, my eyes scanned my surroundings as I positioned myself behind a thick black curtain. I had to see him first.
It was easy to forget what his voice sounded like. It was easy to forget the exact cadence of his Southern drawl or where exactly my head lined up with his when we stood toe to toe. But it was impossible to forget the way he made me feel. No matter how much I willed away the butterflies fluttering in my stomach, they fought back with relentless determination.
You still love him.
Inhaling a cleansing breath, I scanned the area one last time before focusing on the man in tight blue jeans and black button down with an acoustic guitar slung around his shoulders. He chatted with a bassist wearing a belt buckle the size of the Mississippi. He scratched the side of his thick chocolate hair and flashed a wide grin to whomever he was chatting with. Even from where I stood, I could see his deep dimples and the slanted scar above his upper lip.
Beau.
And just as I’d anticipated, the world got a little hazy. My knees knocked together and my mouth filled with cotton. Not having seen him for a decade, it was almost as if he were a desert mirage.
I always thought that if I didn’t Google him – if I didn’t listen to his songs on the radio and obsessively dissect them to see if they were about me – I wouldn’t care. That was my motto – once you care, you’re fucked. I didn’t want to care. I didn’t allow myself to care. At least not at the surface level.
I’d only caved twice over the years, allowing my fingers to shakily type his name into various search engines and gossip websites. Once was after a fight with Harrison, and another when I’d been having a rough week and my self-control was non-existent. I regretted it immediately both times.
My career – and my future – took a front seat the second I stepped foot in Manhattan, and my past stayed shoved in a tiny box of faded ink love letters and outdated photographs hidden behind a shoebox on the top shelf of my bedroom closet.
I watched as Beau waved to his backup singers and pointed stage right as he turned my way.
Oh God.
My stomach fizzed as he walked toward me. It all happened in slow motion, and just as his eyes began to lift in my general direction, I turned on my heel and exited the backstage area. I wasn’t ready to see him.
Not yet. Not like that. Not until I pulled myself together.
It wasn’t until the opening act finished their final song and introduced Beau to a roaring crowd of thousands that I finally snuck backstage again to watch.
Beau poured on the charm throughout his show. His signature dimpled half-smile and the deep drawl of his husky voice held an instant panty-melting quality that seemed to have been honed and perfected over the last decade.
My hands gripped a black velvet curtain that helped shield me from his view as my body, mind, and soul swallowed his music one catchy-yet-heartfelt lyric at a time.
I stood back and watched as one woman tried to scale the stage and had to be carried out by security, and I stifled a smile when I saw another woman toss a pair of panties on the stage. Folks seemed to calm down after the first couple numbers.
“This next one goes out to an old friend,” Beau said, his fingers gripping the neck of his guitar as he dug a fresh pick from his back pocket. “I hope she’s listening right now.”
Don’t assume he’s talking about you. The man has tons of old friends.
With bated breath, I closed my eyes and permitted myself to truly enjoy one song. I allowed myself to indulge for three minutes and three minutes only, and damn, was that the most beautiful tune I’d ever heard in my entire life.