“Yeah, maybe write it down. And while you’re there write down that she initiates.”
“She initiates what?”
“The sex.”
“They have sex in this?”
She glanced up at the screen, sure that he was wrong.
But no, her top was coming off. There was a visible bra.
Followed by lots of sticky-looking kissing.
“Of course they do. I wouldn’t have suggested we watch it otherwise. I mean, how are we supposed to talk about sex in cinema if we just look at movies that have no sex in them? What are we supposed to say? Their hand holding was particularly fascinating? The scene where you almost see a butt really meant something?”
“That…yeah, okay, you make a good point.”
“Though to be honest, this barely qualifies.”
“You don’t think this is a good sex scene?”
“He kisses her collarbone and then they look at each other while in bed. They could be searching each other’s faces for signs of rigor mortis. Both of them are barely moving.”
“They’re moving a tiny bit. His shoulder just jerked.”
“Oh man, that sounds hot. Shoulder jerking.”
“It looked kind of hot to me.”
“It looked like she was panicking.”
“Ah, so now you’re an expert on women’s facial expressions.”
“You don’t have to be to know she got nothing out of that. I bet he was one and done.”
“What the hell does one and done mean?”
“One thrust and done.”
“You can’t say that about Swayze.”
“I can and will and have.”
“But his hips though. His hip action.”
“All the hip action in the world can’t help you when you think collarbone kissing and some grinding is going to get her motor revving.”
“So what would get her motor revving?”
“Eating pussy would probably be a good start.”
She had been looking at him up until that point. But as soon as she heard the word pussy, she had to glance away. It rang out like an alarm in the tiny room: turn back turn back turn back before it’s too late. The only problem was: she didn’t know how to turn back.
Or know why she wanted to.
“Okay. Okay but you just said yourself that this is a pretty tame movie. I mean it’s not like they can just show him…doing that to her.”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why can’t they have him going down on her? They show guys getting blow jobs in PG-13 movies all the time. Hell, they do it in pretty family friendly comedies.”
“They do not. Name one movie where that happens.”
“Police Academy. Ghostbusters. Ace Ventura.”
She went to protest again, then stopped.
Mostly because her brain was already supplying the scenes he was talking about.
“Oh my god. Oh my god, you’re right.”
“I am as amazed as you are.”
“Are you writing this down?”
“Hell yeah I will, now that you think I have a point. What should I put, likemore women need to get head in movies? Better class it up, huh.” He took out his own notebook and started carefully noting down the idea, reading it aloud as he did. “There…is…a sexual double standard.”
“Sexual double standard sounds pretty good.”
“We should totally count how many women get something onscreen that could possibly lead to them actually having a good time. Or at least, a time that could conceivably make them come.”
“And how are we going to judge something like that?”
“What do you mean by judge?”
“Well, we have to establish a criterion for a good time,” she said, then immediately regretted it.
He was going to say something like pussy again. Something that made her sweat even harder.
And she was right to worry, too.
“Jumping aboard and pumping for thirty seconds, nope.”
“Yeah, but in most films you’re supposed to see that as a kind of condensing.”
“Are you? Or do the dudes making it just want you to think that’s normal? Like if you’re not coming out your ears by thrust four there’s something wrong with you?”
She could feel him staring at her. How could she not? His eyes were practically burning holes in the sides of her face. Her only hope was that her face had seemed flushed beforebecause of the heat in the room or the sexiness of the film or just anything, anything but the truth.
“Oh my god. You do actually think that.”
Shit fuck shit fuck balls bastard.
“No, not exactly. No. Not at all in fact.”
“You totally think you should be coming by thrust four.”
“Well it wasn’t thrust four.”