Never Surrender(8)

"You could still have been there for me even though you were half a world away, but you weren't. You let me down and that hurt so bad because you're my husband and I thought I could always count on you to have my back, no matter what."

Ryan stared at her, his chest constricting. Jesus, he felt like a total asshole. He barely resisted the urge to rub a hand over the back of his neck. "I didn't mean to hurt you," he murmured, feeling like shit. The next words weren't easy for him, but he said them anyway. "I'm sorry."

The hurt in her eyes faded, replaced by something that looked a lot like hopefulness.

"I didn't know you were dealing with all of that." He'd thought she was handling everything fine, had never realized the extent to which that mission still affected her. She'd seemed to bounce right back afterward and returned to work, and he'd just assumed everything was okay again. Yeah, she'd mentioned it a time or two in the weeks and months that followed, but he hadn't understood what she'd been trying to tell him.

Damn, and when he thought of her going through all that alone, feeling abandoned while he was on the second of back-to-back combat tours and they had only limited communication …  

"I'm sorry," he repeated, not knowing what else to say. All he knew was he felt awful and he couldn't stand not touching her a moment longer, so he pulled her into his arms, hoping she wouldn't push him away.

To his relief she sighed and slipped her arms around his waist, easing the raw ache in his chest. "Okay. Thank you."

Relief washed through him. He hugged her tight and pressed his face into her hair, breathing in the herbal scent of her shampoo. "You can always count on me to have your back," he murmured, hating that he'd made her feel otherwise. That she'd even questioned it. "I'll always be there for you. It's just sometimes, even when you tell me things, I guess I don't always get it."

She snorted softly, her cheek on his shoulder. "Yeah, I noticed. But after the first few times I tried to talk to you about it, things started going downhill fast, so I didn't bring it up again while you were away. I didn't think it was fair to keep fighting about it while you were over there, just … you know, in case."

In case something happened to him.

He understood why she'd done it, even appreciated it to a point. She'd withheld all this until now to protect him in her own way, worried about him being distracted over there, but it wasn't worth the cost. Not when the alternative was her stewing about it all this time while he remained clueless and it drove a wedge between them.

"You don't need to protect me like that. Not from anything to do with us."

Another shrug. "It wasn't something we could resolve over the phone or by e-mail while you were gone, so I wanted to wait until you were back."

He sighed and released her, catching her chin in his hand and tilting it up so she met his gaze. "Well, I'm back. Or I will be as of tomorrow night, and we can figure everything out together after that. Okay?" They were a team.

She nodded and lowered her gaze. "Okay. Thank you."

"So you forgive me for being an insensitive asshole?"

Her lips quirked and she looked up at him again, relief and humor warming her gaze. "Mostly."

"Thanks." Firming his grip on her chin, he bent his head and covered her lips with his in a slow, thorough kiss.

She melted into his hold, opened for him. He growled into her mouth as blood surged to his groin. It had been a long time since they'd had make-up sex. He mentally calculated the time it would take to get her back up to the room and strip her naked.

Candace pulled back and gave him a wry, knowing smile. "Rain check."

Damn. He cupped her cheek in his palm, holding her gaze. "I'll do better, okay? From now on I'll try to listen better."

"Okay. I'll do better too."

He was so damn lucky to have her, and it was a relief to know she wasn't still mad at him. "I love you."

"Love you too." She hugged him tight, then stepped back and checked her watch. "We better get going."

"Yeah." He knew he was truly forgiven when she reached for his hand as they turned toward the stables. He squeezed her fingers in reply, glad they'd dealt with this.

They still had a lot to iron out between them but at least they'd gotten past this first big hurdle and once he got back he was going to make time to fix the rest of it. Candace was the best damn thing that had ever happened to him and he was going to make sure she knew she could count on him no matter what.



* * * *



The stables were a seven-minute walk from the main lodge, down a gravel pathway that wound through the gardens and around the duck pond.

Set at the top of a slight knoll, the barn-red building was as well maintained as everything else around here. Pastureland spread out behind it as far as the eye could see, disappearing down a rise that gave way to some woodland. In the background stood the mountains they would head to today.



       
         
       
        

Candace walked alongside Ryan with their fingers laced together, feeling lighter than she had in months. They still had more to talk about once he got back from the bachelor party trip-like how she felt like she came in last with him sometimes-but at least she'd gotten the worst of it off her chest and he now understood what she'd been feeling these past few months.

It was a good start, anyway, and she felt way more positive about the future than she had an hour ago.

Erin, Dev, and Maya were already gathered around the corral when she walked up with Ryan, the guys standing out in front of the barn next to their mounts. Cam lifted a dark blond eyebrow at them beneath the brim of his dark brown cowboy hat, a piece of straw sticking out of the corner of his mouth. "Lost track of time?" he said to Ryan.

"Hey, you know how it is. Gotta keep getting shots downrange, because shooting skills are so perishable. Don't wanna get rusty."

Cam laughed. "So you were busy cleaning and oiling your weapon, I guess?"

"Yep." Ryan ogled Candace, then gave her a leer. "Course, my fast-movers always hit the targets I lase."

She rolled her eyes at the horrible pun, actually looking forward to some downtime without him now that her anger and resentment weren't eating her up inside. "You guys are ridiculous. Go take your excess testosterone and get your horses saddled."

"You love my excess testosterone," Ryan murmured in her ear, sending a rush of tingles through her.

She did. And it felt so good to be able to joke with him again without the tension gnawing at her. "You're bad. Go." She lifted up to kiss him once more, then pushed him toward the wrangler standing with a clipboard near the barn door.

"You Wentworth?" the man asked.

"That's me," Ryan said, and strode over. Candace couldn't help but admire the sight of his butt in those jeans. Yum.

The wrangler took off his hat and scratched his head. "Got a slight problem. We weren't expecting a last-minute addition to your party. All the rest of our horses are already out for the day with other guests, and your buddies got the last of our trail horses. Only one left is that one." He nodded behind him.

Candace followed his gaze, noticing for the first time the animal standing half-asleep in the shadows the barn cast in the far corner of the corral.

Ryan did a double-take. "Wait, that?"

"That," the man confirmed.

"What the hell is it? A donkey?"

The wrangler's mouth twitched at the same time as chuckles broke out from the rest of the group watching. "That there's Poncho. Half American mammoth donkey, half Icelandic horse." 

Ryan stepped closer, an expression of disbelief on his face, and Candace bit her lip to hold in a giggle. "I'm supposed to ride that? Up there?" He jerked his chin toward the distant mountains.

"'Fraid so. He's all we got left."

Scowling, Ryan stepped up to the corral fence and eyed the weird-looking animal dubiously, already shaking his head. "I weigh two-twenty, and it's what-a four-hour ride to the ATV pickup point?"

"Closer to five. On him, maybe more like six. Not a problem about the weight. Poncho can handle you, but we'll have to divide your gear amongst the other horses, just to be safe."

Ryan turned his head to shoot Candace his trademark are-you-fucking-kidding-me look she recognized well, and everyone started to laugh. His mouth tightened. "Fine, whatever." He stuck a hand over the fence. "C'mere, Poncho."

"Yeah, he's not gonna come when called," the wrangler drawled, nimbly hopping the fence and walking over to retrieve the animal by the halter on its face. "And you'll find he's pretty set in his ways, too. Real stubborn."

"Ryan's the same way, so I'm sure they'll get along fine," Candace called out. Maya snickered and Wade looked like he was struggling not to burst into laughter.

After some grumbling and signing the mandatory waiver, Ryan waited while the man saddled Poncho and brought him over. Candace slapped him on the back. "Have a good time, honey!"

He shot her a dark look and bent to accept the kiss she offered. "Yeah. Good time."

"Well, better than the little donkey you rode in Afghanistan that time, right?"