Never Gamble with a Caffarelli(18)
Angelique hated that he knew so much about her, about her insecurities. How did he do that? They had barely seen each other for years, yet within such a short time he had summed her up in a sentence. ‘I have a contract—’
‘That insists you parade yourself in front of people who don’t give a damn about you, to make millions of dollars for them. You’re not important to them, only your body is. They don’t want what’s inside you, they’re only interested in what they can get out of you.’
It was true.
It was painfully, agonizingly true.
It was a blunt truth she had come to acknowledge only very recently, which was why she was so keen to get out of the industry, to come at it from a different angle—the design and marketing angle.
But her confidence had always been the kicker and now it was even more so. She hadn’t gone to university. She had no business degree or diploma. She hadn’t even finished school. She had no official qualifications. What sort of ability did she have to run her own business?
She would be such a babe in the woods. It was cut-throat and dog-eat-dog out there. She had seen it first-hand. People with good intentions, with good skills and awesome talent were pushed aside by the power brokers, the money men who were only interested in the profit line.
‘I’m not planning on modelling for too much longer.’
His gaze hardened. ‘So am I part of the back-up plan? The rich husband to bankroll your—’ he made quotation marks with his fingers ‘—retirement plan?’
‘I have my own designs.’
He looked at her for a moment in silence, a frown deepening across his forehead.
‘Designs?’
Angelique let out a little breath. She had told no one about her plans. It seemed strange, almost ironic, she would be telling him. ‘Not every woman is a size zero. There are women out there with post-baby bodies, with scars, who’ve had mastectomies, or with the track marks of age. None of us are perfect.’
‘I can’t believe you just said that.’
Her shoulders went down on a sigh. ‘I’m tired of being the poster girl for perfection. It takes a lot of hard work to look this good.’
‘You look pretty damn good.’
Angelique felt a frisson of delight at his comment. He liked the way she looked?
But it’s not real.
If she ate properly she would be a size—maybe even two sizes—bigger. Would he—and the rest of the world—find her so attractive then?
She was a physical fraud.
And an even bigger emotional one.
Angelique hadn’t been in touch with her emotions since the day she had stumbled across her mother’s unconscious body when she was ten years old. She could still see the glass of water with the faint trace of her mother’s lipstick around the rim.
The pill bottle that had been empty.
The silence.
Not even a heartbeat.
No pulse.
No mother.
Angelique had locked down her emotions and acted like a puppet ever since.
‘I want to launch my own swim and leisurewear label. I’ve wanted to do it for a while. I want more control over my life and my career.’
‘You’ll need money to do that.’
‘I know. I have some savings put aside, but it’s not quite enough. I have do it properly or it will fold before it gets off the ground.’
‘Is anyone offering to back you?’
‘I’ve approached a couple of people but they were a little gun-shy.’ She let out a little sigh. ‘I think my reputation as a bit of a hell-raiser put them off.’
‘How much of it is true?’
Angelique looked at him. ‘The gun-shy people?’
‘The hell-raising.’
Her shoulders went down in a little slump. ‘I’m no angel...I’ve never tried to be. It’s just the press make it out to be a hundred times worse than it is. I only have to be standing next to someone at a party or a nightclub or social gathering to be linked to them in some sort of salacious scandal.’
‘You never defend yourself.’ His expression was inscrutable, as if he was still making up his mind about her, whether to believe her or not. ‘You’ve never asked for a retraction of any of the statements made about you.’
‘What would be the point? Defensiveness only makes it worse.’ She let out another sign. ‘Anyway, to begin with I welcomed the gossip. I figured any publicity is good publicity. Some of the most famous models in the world are known for their behaviour as much as their looks.’
He rubbed a hand over his jaw. The raspy sound was loud in the silence. ‘I have a couple of contacts who might be able to help you with launching your designs. I’d have to look at what you’ve got on the table first. I’m not going to recommend anything that hasn’t got a chance of flying. I prefer to back winners, not losers.’