She actually looks put out. See? Sera gets disappointed and excited over the most inconsequential of things, and sometimes I really worry for her. She’s a dreamer, and she’s so far up in the clouds, the ground is nothing but a fleeting memory, nothing but a pain that’s been completely forgotten.
I have to be there when she falls, because I know the truth. Love doesn’t exist, not the kind you see in the movies, not the kind that couples get married for. Nobody stays together, and nobody should take that chance on anyone – it’s so stupid.
Why fuck up your kids when you decide to call it quits? Why can’t people be brave enough to say ‘this isn’t working anymore?’ instead of going on ahead and hoping that you’ll forget your partner’s infidelity?
I know that whatever she has with Hunter now, whatever promises they’ve made to each other, however much I pushed her to get back together with him – they’re just time bombs, and I’m the only one that can hear the tic-toc-tic-toc countdown. My throat actually swells up just thinking about the pain she’s going to have to get through when this doesn’t work out, how devastated she’ll be.
Maybe it’s the curse that’s made my eyes become completely open to the farce of true love. To how shitty human beings can be to one another. To my stupid bitch of a grandmother who took serious offense that I wasn’t named after her and cursed me with bad luck all because my dad fell in love with my mom. And look where that got him.
Sera’s telling me how excited she is about going out for Halloween with Matty and MacLaine. She’s actually bouncing in her seat, and grinning like a fool. God, she’s going to be crushed when this is all over, when they break each other’s heart, and ruin the kid in the process.
Heat boils in my gut, roars through my throat, and I have to bite down and strangle the anger off or I’m going to say something I’ll regret. I can’t lose a friend like Sera. She’s what I wish I could be, carefree, and completely sheltered from the uselessness of being in a relationship.
We’re told by a nurse that Dean has to stay the night, since he has no one at home to keep him under observation. The nurse with the purple crocs looks at me like I have a solution to this problem, but hey, I’m not his girlfriend, just a potential one night stand in the near future, I hope.
I drive Sera back to her place, and don’t go upstairs to say hi to Hunter and Matty.
Tomorrow. Tomorrow I’ll bake something diabetic friendly and bring it over and watch movies with the kid and Sera if Hunter’s doing overtime when I finish my shit.
Yeah, that’s what I’ll do.
But first, my sweet, sweet bed. My empty bed with no Dean to keep me occupied, to keep me from my thoughts, from dreaming of pro forma sheets, and emails that go unanswered and humiliating meetings where I’m naked.
After doing my skin care routine and brushing out my hair, I settle into my bed in panties and a tank. I hit the feather-down pillow and grin into it. Yeah, Dean would be real comfortable in my king-sized bed, right next to me. Hopefully, not just right next to me. Maybe on top of me, inside me, behind me, and under me.
The right answer is all of the above.
But I’m here – alone. Like always.
Maybe I should call Russia. Get him to come over, maybe watch something. He’d probably take it as an invitation to fuck, the prick. Hmmm… funny how Russia’s blue eyes keep getting replaced by jade green when I close my eyes.
And how they look so very familiar…
Chapter 3
My conscience is bipolar.
Sometimes, I’m a heartless bitch that doesn’t give a flying fuck about anyone or anything, and I’ll steamroll any moron who gets in my way. Other times, I’m a heaping mass of cuddly female hormones that consumes tons of chocolate and drinks lots of wine, all while contemplating the crappiness that is the world today.
I’m pretty sure a lot of people aren’t 100% normal, and I’m not going to apologize for either side of me. Especially at a time like this.
I don’t want to go back to the hospital and see Dean; I have so much to do, and so little time to do it. I was going to get all my work done today so I could do absolutely nothing tomorrow.
I should, though. I know I should go see him. Maybe try to give him a ride home, the kind with a vehicle and not through my vagina. Damn, I wonder what he looks like without his clothes on. He’s got a big build, so I’m hoping he’s thick with muscle, and damn I hope he’s got pronounced sex lines, the ones over his hip bones, ‘cause those are one of my favourite places to play with.
Heat swishes languidly in my veins, and with my eyes still closed, I can imagine Dean over me, fucking me like I want him to, me licking up the veins along his neck that are popping out just a little. Shit, and him licking me between my legs and me clutching at his long hair?