Dean’s like bright sunshine standing next to MacLaine, and I’m not sure how I’ve never seen it. Maybe I’m the dark one, and we’re yin and yang. Maybe I’ll be the one sucking up all his light and I’ll eventually snuff him out.
“If you don’t mind,” I say, lips numb. “Actually, would you mind driving me now? I just got really tired, and I have some research to do tomorrow, so I’ll need to get up early.”
“I don’t know if anybody’s told you,” he says, voice robotic, “but tomorrow’s Sunday aka the day of rest. If you break those rules you could get arrested.”
I smirk. “And I’d only have you as a visitor.”
“Yeah, we’d do that whole palm to glass, glass to palm thing, and weep perfect cinematic tears, and I’ll wait for you while you do your time.”
My heart trips and I can’t tell if he’s flirting with me or just spouting off shit.
The ride home is confusing as hell, too.
Chapter 22
I’ve become a bro – the girl equivalent of being friend-zoned. I don’t know how this happened, but it did, and signals are being sent and I’m getting them all cross-wired and it’s enough to make my head hurt.
I feel like I’m sixteen again, so unsure of what to do next but knowing I’ll die if I don’t.
Dean has kept me at arm’s length and I only get to hang out with him on Thursday nights, right before he starts his weekend grind at the restaurant he works at.
I know I’ve been putting it off, and my feet are nothing more than cinderblocks and there’s a never-ending pit of shame flowering in my belly, but I force myself to knock.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Bitch.
Bitch, who?
Bitch, open the door so I can grovel and make you be friends with me again.
My heart’s pumping fast and hard, and my throat’s tight as the wait gets longer and longer and longer… This was a bad idea. The invisible ticking clock threatens to strangle me as I come to the slow and swift realization of what I’ve done. The only true and good person in my life – I’ve pushed away.
Maybe it’s for the best, now. Maybe Sera took my words to heart and is finally going to get her happily ever after – if those exist.
The door opens.
“Took you long enough to show up,” Sera says. Her cheekbones are sharper, her jawline more delineated from the rest of her face. Shit, how long has it been since I’ve seen her? A month? I haven’t been over since they got engaged. Yup, four Thursdays have passed in which I have been hanging out with Dean, and have not found the courage to come and see Sera.
Bad friend, bad friend!
“I’m a bitch, and I’m sorry,” I whisper, and look down at my stupid Louboutins. I don’t know why I wore them here. Sera’s got her nerd shirts to wear as armour, but they’re also invitations to making new friends, meeting people who are more like her.
Me? My armour is pretentious and materialistic and I can see how I’ve attracted the shitty people around me. I’m all about the outer package and I have no substance. I thought I did, but seeing the depth of Dean’s personality through meeting him and getting to know him all over again has opened my eyes to how amazing a person Sera Delos really is, and well, I just can’t compare.
“Fuck yeah, you’re a bitch,” Sera says, eyes cold and remote. My heart squelches in my chest, and I take in a sharp breath through my nose. I need to be strong now. I need to have courage.
She’s wearing another one of her shirts that says ‘Trust my rage’, and I have no idea what it’s alluding to. Sera doesn’t look pissed, just disappointed and I hate that look on her face. I’m the only reason for it.
“Can I come in?” I ask, still unsure if she’s gonna tell me to take a hike.
Sera backs up a step and I’m not sure if that means a yes or no. “Depends. You gonna start mouthing off when something doesn’t go your way?”
I stop myself from doing the said mouthing off. Looks like I haven’t dug my hole deep enough yet. “No. I won’t. I just need to get something off my chest.”
“Then you can come in.”
“You’ve lost more weight,” I blurt out, noticing that her legs have gotten skinnier underneath her Star Wars leggings and even though Sera’s shirt’s baggy, I can tell where her actual waist starts and it’s way tinier than it was a few months ago.
“That’s not the only thing I lost,” she says, moving towards the kitchen and opening the fridge. She stoops in there, and I lose her for a few seconds.
I shake my head, and try to make this easier on her and me.