“You’re selfish and mean. You neglect your best friend and you think you’re better than everybody, you think you’re better than her.”
Fire-bolts explode in my brain, and I lose sight of him for a second. “Yeah, everybody fucking loves Sera,” I snarl. “She’s so fucking great and awesome.”
Oh, God, I’m jealous. I’m so jealous.
“You bet your ass she’s fucking great and awesome. You don’t hold a candle next to her.”
I’m going to have a seizure – does he actually believe what he’s saying? He’s not smiling; this isn’t a joke.
“Excuse me?”
“Yeah, kitten, you’re fucking hot,” he laughs, a mean laugh, the kind of laugh you’d expect some assholes to have after you passed them by in the street and they’re discussing which and how many times they’d fuck you. I don’t like that sound coming out of Dean’s mouth. Right now, it doesn’t seem to be out of place.
“You got a body that makes my dick hard and my brain go numb. And yeah, we could fuck tonight, share the sheets when we’re done, but you know what?”
“What?” I snap, breathing hard. I’m going to kill him; I don’t even know why I came here in the first place. He’s not even that good of a kisser, and I’m sure no one’s fucked him since the eleventh grade. He probably sucks at it.
Fucker!
“I’d hate myself in the morning – I’d feel sick to my stomach that I fucked a person like you.”
Boom...boom-boom....boom...boom-boom. My heart’s still beating, even if my hearing has wonked out. I blink a few times, but everything I do is in slow-mo, taking years and years of movement to get anything done. It takes a century to swivel on my heel, and another for my brain to figure out how to find the door and open it. It takes another generation to remember which way to turn for the elevator. It takes a decade for me to decide to take the stairs.
It takes seconds for me to realize I’m in my car, doors locked and breathing heavily. It takes a nanosecond for me to realize that I’m crying, my tears completely and utterly ruining my carefully applied makeup.
How could he say those things to me? Even after he told me he’s been practically in love with me all these years! What the flying fuck?
I need to call Sera – she’ll make me feel better; she knows how to cheer me up with a list of all my best attributes, and she’ll list my weaknesses so that they pale in comparison.
I feel like I’m being torn apart, that someone’s taken rib-cutters to my chest and is performing all sorts of crazy shit on my heart. God, it shouldn’t hurt this much – it really shouldn’t, all over what he said?
I’m not weak – I’m strong! I don’t cry over insults. I don’t!
Except no one’s ever spoken to me that way, and the last time I cried was over my parents’ divorce. This shouldn’t hurt this much. Words are only words – they don’t really mean anything in the end. Every single person makes promises they don’t keep, everybody lies. Words are bullshit, so I shouldn’t be this upset.
I start the car then fish for my phone. Sera always knows how to make me feel better. She knows what to say to cheer me up – mainly in listing why I’m so awesome and how I’m a gift to the human race.
“Hey-” she says, but I cut her off. I hold my breath to keep from hyperventilating-sobbing and wish for luck.
“Get ready, I’ll be over in ten and we’re going drinking.”
“No, I can’t-”
Minefields of anger explode in my chest, making the meat raw and aching. Flickers of light dance over eyes, and I’ve ground down so hard on my back teeth, they squeak, and flare pain up my jaw. I’m breathing faster now, the pressure building inside my head, chest, and the fuck everywhere else. I could kill someone.
Was there a fucking meeting? Is it tell-Katie-no day?
“What the fuck do you mean, no? What the fuck is so important that you can’t take me out?”
“I can’t, K, and I don’t know why you’re yelling at me-”
“Because I need you to come out with me!” I yell, holding my phone tight enough to make bendgate look like a pleasant dream. “Fucking shit, Sera, I need to drink!”
“I can’t come out, I’m sorry!” she whispers into the phone, and I hear murmuring in the background.
“Stop blowing MacLaine and get your fat ass ready! I’m not going to say it twice!” I howl into the phone, jacking my car into gear and reversing without looking behind me. What the fuck ever, I wish I could hit Dean with my car all over again.