Never Been Nerdy(47)

"Marco!" I yell out, taking off my heels and padding into my living room.

"Polo!" Dean calls, but instead of me finding him, he comes to find me.

Typical Dean. Always making the first move. Just means he's braver than most. So what does that make you?

"Hey!" He comes running around the corner, sliding on his sock-feet like he's a puppy who can't stop in time. He's smiling at me, grinning, eyes crinkling on the sides. My insides do the hula dance, and my heart's giving me problems. He's really beautiful, and for now at least, he's mine.

"Your old man okay?"

I nod, putting my purse down. "Yeah, he's fine. Do you have to leave soon for work?" He's got his hair tied up in a man-bun, bits stuck behind his ears because of the length in certain areas.

"Yeah, but I can delay another fifteen minutes if you need me for something."

He just had to say that. He just had to.

"No, that's okay. I have something I need to do. How about I drive you to work? It's cold outside." I can't look him in the eye, he has to know what's going on in my head. He has to know all this crazy shit that's going on inside me.

"Kitten, is something wrong?" I didn't even track him coming to stand in front of me.

"Uh, yeah. Everything's good. You got your shit? We can leave now so you can prep or whatever."

Stop being a bitch just because you're scared. You're being obvious!

I get a gentle nudge under my chin and now I'm looking into Dean's green-green eyes. I swear, God was being awesome the day Dean was made. How am I supposed to think when he's looking at me like that?

"Did I do something wrong?" Shit, he's chewing his lip looking absolutely adorable and scared and nervous and I can't open my mouth to say the thing that need to be said.

"No, I promise. Everything's good, I swear. Do you want to give me your keys so I can go feed the boys during your shift, or is Max over? I find myself missing Potter."

Dean's eyes go cloudy and he just stares at me, looking at me like he's not quite sure what to do with me. Yeah, well, I don't know what to do with me. I should be old enough to have my shit figured out.

Oh, man, what if I never do? What if nothing's ever really resolved? What if life isn't a problem you can solve and be done with it?

Maybe you just have to roll with it and do your best. And find someone along the way who doesn't want to kill you. Find several people like that.

"Max is staying at his girl's place, actually. Would you mind going over and keeping the kids company? I hate leaving them in their cages, they look at me like I've sentenced them to death whenever I do. Then I give them cookies because I feel bad, and the con-artists take me for a ride every single time. I go to the damn pet store three times a week to keep up my supply."

I give him a half-assed grin, looking away from his face. "Are you ready to go?" I summon the courage to look him in the face and he just gives me a grim nod.

"Yeah. Here are my keys. Stop by whenever you want, watch a movie or something. I'll be by late, maybe around two, so if you don't mind staying awake ‘til then, I can give you a ride home later, no problem."

"Okay," I tell him, already ushering him out of my apartment, getting the door locked and navigating the stairs in the heels I've re-put on.

I am an awkward snowflake. What the hell is wrong with me?

Well, you might be admitting to yourself that you could possibly lo-

"Are you sure you're feeling alright? I didn't do anything, uh, wrong last night, did I?"   





 

"What? No! There was nothing wrong. It was pretty good, actually. I mean, uh, can we not talk about this in the stairwell? Or in the elevator?"

Or ever?

"Are you trying to gently let me down, ‘cause I can take it. I told you how I felt too soon, and now you're freaking out. I told you, you don't have to say it back. I just … " Dean takes his hair out of his bun, then aggressively grabs hanks of it trying to put into order back in a bun. I appreciate the view, but try not to look too closely at him.

Why is this whole love shit so terrifying?!

Maybe because for once in your life, you're giving someone power over you, to rip you to shreds, to grind you to dust.

We get to Roxie in an awkward silence. I beep the car open and Dean gets into the passenger seat. The drive over to the restaurant is uneventful, and Dean's put on the radio where Kurt Cobain's rough vocal chords serenade "Come as you are".

If that's fate's way of saying ‘go for it', that's just not cool.

I pull up in front of the restaurant, and hold my hand out for Dean's keys. He hands them to me, then leans in lightning-quick to lightly touch my mouth with his. I sigh when he pulls back.

His eyes rove over my face, searching maybe for an answer I can't give him verbally. He nods, just a shallow dip of his chin, and then he's gone, the metal of his keys warming in my hand.



***

"Sera, please let me in," I plead into the intercom after punching her apartment number in, and she picks up the phone. "Please. It's got to do with Dean."

I'm not above conning my way into her apartment. I'll do whatever I can if it's going to make her hear me out. She has to give me a chance - just to listen. She has to. If she doesn't, well, I don't want to think about that.

Yeah, no, I'm not going to think about that.

She doesn't answer, but lets me in. I use the stairs to go up instead of the elevator, feeling the burn in my quads and calves, and Jesus, I need to hit the gym more often. I sound like I'm about to die when I knock on her door and can't give MacLaine all of my attention when his royal hotness decides to open the door for me.

I give him a little wave and stumble inside once I'm given the signal and spot Sera on the couch with Matty in her lap, eyes glued to the TV.

So that's how it's going to go. I just need a glass of water and I'm ready to rumble. Bring it, Delos.

"Hey, Matty, wanna go for a walk?"

"You … " I pull in a sharp breath, "you don't have to-go-for-a-walk," I sputter out, breathing hard now. "Oh my God, never taking the stairs-again. I can talk with Sera-in-Matty's-room." I nod like this is going to help with their understanding.

MacLaine's eyebrows lift and he turns to look at my best friend, asking her without asking her if it's okay. Shit, I love that he does that  –  seeks her permission.

I need to be at their wedding. And I need to deliver an epic speech that will end all speeches and help them remember how much they love each other. Shit, if my parents had that, maybe everything would be so different …  and I wouldn't be like this.

And I could tell Dean that I possibly love him  –  just a tiny bit.

"Yeah, Hunt. We'll go in Matty's room. Come and sit down. Relax a little, enjoy your weekend off."

Just great. I ruined their weekend when they're all home together. Good job, DiNovro.

Applause, applause.

"I'm sorry about this. I just really need to speak with Sera. Shouldn't take too long." I smile at Matty who gives me a huge smile and a violent wave of his hand that shakes his whole body. I blow him a kiss and he grabs it, smacking his cheek hard enough to make it pink. Hunter chuckles and rubs the kid's cheek trying to take the sting out of it.

"Daddy, that's mine! Thea Katie gave it to me!"

MacLaine quickly calms him down, and I follow Sera into Matty's room aka nerd heaven.

She's painted it red and gold, all Iron Man style, and the kid has his dad's drawings of the philanthropist, playboy, billionaire. Dean would've enjoyed that joke  –  it's probably the only reference I'll make for the next year  –  and he missed it.

I pull in a deep breath and tackle Sera into a hug.

I count the seconds it takes for her to react. And when she does, it isn't to push me away but to somehow wind her arms around me tight enough that lung-injury could happen.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry for being such an asshole."

Sera rubs my back, and squeezes me tighter. "I know, K. I know."   





 

"I'm sick of crying. Crying sucks balls. And I feel so worn out after."

"Welcome to the club."

I pull back, wiping away some stray tears. Sera moves over to Matty's bed and I take off my shoes and plop onto it next to her, the springs squeaking. Sera frowns down at the bed like she wants to go buy a new mattress right now.

"I … I need to tell you something." I pull in a deep breath, heart aching and trying to outrace my words-

"You love Dean," Sera tells me, completely taking the wind out of my sails.

"Jesus, Delos! The one thing that is momentous enough in my life for me to freak out about and you steal my thunder! What is that?"

Sera grins, turning towards me with her legs crossed on the bed. It's been two weeks since I last saw her, and the circles under her eyes have gotten lighter and the way she holds herself doesn't seem so fragile anymore.

I can't believe I wasn't here for that. Stupid me.

"So you landed yourself a nerd, huh?"

I nod slowly. "Yeah, but he doesn't hurt my brain with all the references."

Sera pats my knee. "Give it time. He probably doesn't want to spook you."

"He told me he loved me. Can you believe it? We slept together and he started mouthing off about it right after."

Sera looks thoughtful. "Yeah, but he's been holding out for you ever since high school. Weirder shit's been known to happen than high school sweethearts finding each other again after years apart. You could even say it's something out of a movie."